There is such a phenomenon in the relationship, although you hate the other party for betraying you or hurting you, why do you still soften your heart every time the other party kneels and begs for your forgiveness? Have you ever had such an experience? You are very angry in your heart and feel that you can't accept it, but when the other party asks you for forgiveness, you will still be soft or you will still be entangled, why will you be soft-hearted?
Many women are very entangled, the husband cheated, and then he begged me for forgiveness, do you think I should forgive? What does the moment you hesitate mean? You've lost the initiative! Why? Let's not talk about forgiveness and non-forgiveness, I will first take you to know your heart, why do you have a soft heart?
The first: from your aversion to loss
What is loss aversion? For example: you have a dress, you don't want to wear it and feel very old, put it in the closet, when one day your mother takes it out and says that she wants to lose it, you may immediately feel that you can wear it without losing it, and even you will feel that this dress has not been paid much attention to before, and it is very good-looking, will there be such a situation?
Why? Because when people feel like they're about to lose something, they might revisit it. Even you will have a cognitive bias, like I said, I thought it was quite old-fashioned, but to throw it away, maybe I didn't pay attention to it before.
Then this man, may have been unremarkable, and even you have a little dislike for him, but suddenly feel that you are going to lose him, your disgusted loss psychology will rise, you may still think that he is very good, and then will put some reasons on yourself, it seems as if it is all your own fault, did not keep him!
This is the most terrible reality in the relationship, obviously he has made a mistake, as if it is all your problem. This is a loss aversion! But in this case, how do you choose? You just remember the saying: "If the two of you are separated, he loses a person who loves him and you lose someone who doesn't love you, see"?
Second: Separation anxiety that comes with your emotional dependence
For example, if the husband cheats, you say, this scumbag I really can't stand him, I want to separate from him, but when the other party really wants to separate, you will not be able to stand it, why? Because you already have an emotional attachment to him, you have been together for years, decades, so many feelings are suddenly separated in it, and there will be a kind of separation anxiety.
What is separation anxiety like? It's like the connection between a baby and her mother, suddenly being taken away, this kind of separation anxiety. On your rational level, you feel that this man can't stay, can't be with him, but when you think of separating from him, you will be very uncomfortable, which is called separation anxiety!
Third: unwillingness to the past
This is the point that many female friends will appear, maybe in the past process of getting along, you have set a lot of expectations for the future, such as where to go to play, such as what things to do together, such as what kind of house to buy, how to decorate, etc., these are what you said at that time.
But at this moment, you will suddenly feel that if I am separated from him, these things seem to be completely broken, and there are still beautiful expectations for the future, all gone! What you can't let go of is not this person, but the future visions that are involved with this person, so you can't stand these, you will not be willing. The beauty of all this is suddenly interrupted by this moment, and you will be entangled! That's what I've summed up, why are you soft-hearted when men ask for forgiveness? This may be the real world in your heart, so if you have encountered this situation, you go to see which category you belong to, how to calm it?
Next, I will tell you, is it useful to forgive or not, and why? Like I said, you chose to forgive, to keep those good things, but then those mistakes, he will repeat them, you can't stand it, you choose not to forgive, those good things are all cut off, you will still be unable to stand it.
So when you struggle with forgiveness and non-forgiveness, you have to remember: this is not a multiple choice question, but a growth question! Only when you grow up on your own and can face these problems will you not have the same problems in the future.