In childhood, people are most likely to obtain material satisfaction. A few dollar stickers and an inconspicuous doll can bring a sense of happiness and abundance.
On the contrary, the pain of not being satisfied in childhood will always remain in the heart and become an obsession.
Last week we asked everyone for the "childhood revenge compensation" that we had done when we grew up, and we received a lot of poignant memories.
Adler once said that the lucky people are healed by childhood, and the unfortunate people are healing childhood with their whole lives. Let's take a look at whether there are you in these stories.
01
Retaliate by eating sweets until you develop diabetes
@District 11 non-famous cottage Ben Wei Xiao
At the age of 6, he was diagnosed with amblyopia, and one eye had almost only a sense of light and no vision. My family was tricked by a charlatan doctor into saying that quitting sugar would cure me, and I never had sweets in my life again. There is no cake for birthdays, dinner and dinner, the whole family drinks Coke only I can't, sweet milk drinks are only for other people's children to drink, and they can't be drunk and expired and broken. It was a lifetime of shadows.
Now that I'm 30 years old, I still dream of similar scenes and wake up sitting on my bed crying. Only by constantly eating sweets and drinking sweet drinks can you relax a little. At its worst, the body even experiences symptoms of diabetes.
@mm
When I went to Beijing for my first internship, I went to Happy Valley the day before Chinese New Year's Eve and took 11 roller coaster rides. When lying in bed dizzy, I feel so happy.
Because I have been a sister since my childhood, I have never been a child, and I have never been to the playground.
@Tonight I will fall asleep
I would take a retaliatory bath, once or twice a day in the north, winter or summer.
When I was a child living with my grandparents, the bathing power in the family was in the hands of the elders, when I was in elementary school, I washed it once a week, and my hair was stranded one by one, and I wanted to rub it to look fluffy, but it shook like snow and a lot of dandruff fell on it.
Later, it became a wash every few weeks, and my relatives came to see me and said that my neck was "black ruts", I whispered around my neck, and I was pulled to the balcony by my relatives to shine through the sun and say that this was not one by one, and I was dumbfounded.
@Sissi
Stay up late to see the stars. When I was in elementary school, I heard the teacher say that the Big Dipper was like a spoon, and I was curious but never saw it, because I slept obediently before the stars came out. Parents are not allowed to deviate from the box, the meal must be eaten, and the time must be slept. I especially wanted the opportunity to keep my eyes open all the time and see how the sky crept from dark to bright.
Later, I made a design, not to mention Guangzhou at four o'clock, and Guangzhou twenty-four hours a day. Even at three o'clock in the morning, when I left work, I heard that there were shooting stars, and I didn't take a shower or rest, and I lay on the top floor to watch the meteors (sure enough, I waited for five). Wait until dawn is another ordinary daily routine, go back in the bustling crowd of people to work, and sleep in the dark.
Korean Drama "Please Answer 1988"
02
Because of the lack of paternal love, I became addicted to same-sex adult films
@Soft
Is it a high-stakes? When I was young, I was always half a head taller than my peers, and I always felt that I was very heavy and embarrassed to let my family hold me, and I was really envious of seeing other children being lifted up by their parents and hugging me. Once I couldn't help it, let my father hug me a little, and now I think of the feeling of being picked up at that time, my nose will still be sore, obviously I am just an ordinary child, why did God let me grow so tall and so heavy? Now one of the criteria for choosing a mate is to find a partner who can be held by a princess.
@Du Xiaopeng
I am a man, during adolescence has not been afraid to watch adult videos, afraid of falling into it. It wasn't until I was 22 years old that I learned to masturbate when I installed broadband at home and watched the film for the first time. Later, I gradually became addicted to it and could not extricate myself, until now I have to watch movies and masturbate every week.
Maybe it's "extreme skin hunger and thirst". He has always lacked fatherly love, feels strange to his father, and rarely communicates. Most of the films I watch are gay films, and I usually want to hug him when I see a picture of a man lying down. But I'm not exclusive of the opposite sex, just eager to be intimate with men (uncles and peers).
But I can't make friends, and I don't have friends, so my inner desire can only be hidden deeply, and I can only be satisfied by watching movies and masturbating again and again. Even if you know that your body can't bear it, you can't control it like you're addicted. I lived like I was wearing a mask.
@ Libido
Crazy demands on the love of others.
I was born by accident. No one in the family loved me. My parents threw me to my grandparents, but they were only responsible for me and didn't love me. Even when the whole family is in a bad mood, they will come to hurt me and vent at me.
I was in a constant relationship, but each time I repeated how my parents had hurt me. I would vent my hatred for my parents to my boyfriends, and if I were to leave them, they would also know how painful it would be to lose me. There are exs who even committed suicide for me. I've always felt guilty about him, but more than that, it's comfort. It turns out that my existence is meaningful, and there will still be people who love me, even if I hurt them so much.
Movie "The Life of the Abandoned Pine Nut"
@Andy
When I was a child, I was hardly recognized in any way, from appearance, aesthetics, taste to achievements. Parents must let me know that I can't do it, far worse than them, far worse than those children of other people's families.
I prepared a list of compliments for my husband and asked him to praise me at least once a day. This slightly counteracted the strong self-denial voices inside me, but I could never let go.
03
Treat your child as your childhood self and spoil it desperately
@Anonymous
My cub's toys are piled up in that huge storage box of 5 boxes, and there are seven or eight cars of all kinds.
When I was young, my parents hardly bought toys. The only Muppet was sent by my father Xiao San (I didn't know it was this person at the time). When my mom found out, she pulled me out of bed in the middle of the night and shredded it with scissors. The scene of the collapse was still in my mind, popping up from time to time.
@Monica
I grew up with my grandparents and never had a close connection with my parents. So I am personally raising my own child, especially for him, especially the material requirements, and do everything I can to give the best.
Subconsciously, I wanted to spend my childhood again. From this point of view, I was healed by the child. In terms of my relationship with my parents alone, I have the strength to forgive them, but regrets can never be eliminated.
04
Wearing autumn clothes and autumn pants to go out on a spring tour, the photo came out and I cried
@Anonymous
Keep buying socks and hoarding socks. When I was a child, my socks were broken, and I had to continue to wear them when I didn't follow my feet. Sometimes the socks are not dry, and I have to wear them out of the door to learn to stink, which is uncomfortable all day. I always remember that feeling of embarrassment and fear.
@Anonymous
Buy clothes. From childhood was PUA, dressed extremely tattered, grew up hoarding a lot of brand hangtags. Buy things only to buy brands, but also the most expensive.
I remember a sudden spring trip, I didn't even have a decent dress, and finally went out in autumn clothes and autumn pants, and I still remember that kind of embarrassment, my hair was messed up into a chicken nest, and I cried a lot when I took a picture. Since I was a child, I thought I was ugly and never good-looking.
Movie "The Life of the Abandoned Pine Nut"
@Anonymous
I like to hoard goods, daily necessities and dishes are bought before they are used up.
When I was a child, I was always at home alone, and I always heard the sound of rats stepping on the leaves at night, like someone walking around the window, very scared. Only when there are piles of things around you will you feel safe.
@Anonymous
I would go crazy to buy watercolor pens.
I have always had a talent for painting, but when I was a child, my family was poor and I couldn't afford a good watercolor pen. Every time I go to art class and see other students' 36-color or even 72-color and 108-color watercolor pens, I am envious. In particular, the color of some watercolor pens is very full, that is, the saturation is relatively high, and the brush strokes are very soft. And my watercolor pen color saturation is very low, like mixed with too much water, no matter what you paint, it is tasteless.
When I went to the painting cram school, the teacher did not take me to sketch and thought we were poor. On the last day, I came home from class, showed my mother my paintings, and the teacher said that I would definitely be admitted to the Central Academy of Fine Arts, and she scolded me all afternoon. Since then, I have given up on this path and can only hope to paint full-time after retirement. I'm only 20+.
@Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have an obsession with the house.
Every time I quarreled, Dad would say, I took his money to school, lived on him, and let me get out of his house.
Now that I have a job, I would very much like to buy my own small house. Although some people may say, do you have to live for the house all your life? But it doesn't seem to matter, I just spent my life curing the child who didn't seem to be kicked out of the house, but was actually wandering outside.
Movie "The Life of the Abandoned Pine Nut"
Many forms of childhood retaliatory compensation may seem incomprehensible to others, or even excessive.
But before you let go of your feelings, at least let go of the guilt and burden of these retaliatory compensations. Because everyone automatically adopts this defense in the face of the pain of scarcity. In doing so, we are constantly trying to reconcile with our past selves.
It's just that some of the attachments are too deep, and no matter how self-satisfied, they are not enough. At this time, instead of frantically filling the hole aimlessly, it is better to stop and tell yourself -
The shortcomings of childhood cannot be repaired, but the bullets of the past cannot hit me today, and we are no longer the helpless child, but the adults who have the ability to take care of themselves.
At the same time, rebuilding the belief in the heart that "I deserve to be loved no matter what" is the true way to heal the inner child.
What kind of childhood revenge compensation have you ever done?
Talk to us in the comments section.
Edit: Han Bing, La La La
Editor-in-charge: Kuma
Cover image source: "The Life of the Abandoned Pine Nut"