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"The Table of Love": "Some people say that as long as every day of life is treated as the last day to live, it will be much happier." ”
Different perspectives and positions will have different perspectives, and the corresponding coping methods will be different. If you always look ahead, just want to solve a problem, just want to go crazy, and then be crushed by the "worry about tomorrow", you will live a life tied.
It is unrealistic for a person to live every day as if it were the last day, because no one can go to this level without heart and lungs. The best way is to have this awareness, and when necessary, make a decisive decision as if it were the last day, without worrying about the future.
For example, because you are worried about the consequences, you have not dared to resist a person who bullied you, and when you really can't stand it, you should throw away your worries and bravely resist. You're right, why?
The following reader has used this method to solve the problem in marriage, let's take a look at it.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
A person has been taught "should not be like this" and "can't be like that" from childhood to adulthood, and if he is not told "how it should be" and "what can be done", the person may not be able to let go when he grows up, because he has been restricted and not encouraged.
I also have such a problem in my body, from childhood to adulthood, I was taught to respect the old and love the young, to be with people and angry, or not to cause trouble, no one told me what to do if I encountered special circumstances.
Normally, there is nothing wrong with these things that I have been taught. However, not all old people and children are likable, and unreasonable old people are as hateful as bear children.
With such a person, what kind of temperament do you want? People are peeing on top of me, so why should I clap my hands and applaud and say they're doing a good job?
Take my mother-in-law, who borrowed 100,000 yuan from my mother's family and never repaid it, and at the beginning she was worried that she might not have money, so she did not have the good sense to urge her to return the money. Later, when I saw her spending a lot of money, bragging and showing off with people everywhere, she didn't take the initiative to pay back the money, so I couldn't watch it.
I asked her when the money she owed to my mother's family would be repaid, and she did not brag or show off at this time, but told me that she had no money. I reasoned with her, and mentioned in passing that "she bragged in front of others that she had money", and as a result, I annoyed her and said to me viciously: "Asking for money is not a death!" ”
She said it directly to death, and I had no choice but to leave temporarily. After returning home, I asked my husband to ask her for money, but she still had that dead face, and my husband did not dare to turn his face to her, so he failed again.
Because the money was lent to her through my hand, it was impossible for me to ask my mother's family to ask her for money. In the end, there was really no way, I chose six relatives not to recognize, and turned face with her.
I think it is not that "the wicked have their own wicked grind", but that when my daughter-in-law treats an evil person like my mother-in-law, she must become an "evil person" and take the initiative to fight with her to the end.
I first reminded her a few times, she did not repent, I had to sue her, let her know what is "debt repayment is natural", not that she said that if she did not pay it back, she could not pay it back, as long as I and my mother's family did not say that I would not let her pay her back, she must repay the money.
I don't want to care about the consequences, everything I do is justified, what is there to be afraid of? She, an evil person, can do evil regardless of the consequences, but I, a good person, have a lot of worries, why?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The problems that the woman first analyzed were realistic: many people were constantly limited in their growth, and it was not too much to say that they were frightened, and they were always told that this could not be done, that could not be done, that was not right, that was not right, but they were not told what to do and how to do it.
This makes many people can only grope for "what can be done and how to do it", and those who can't find the results will tie their hands and feet for a lifetime, and they will be afraid of things.
Take the problem encountered by that woman, if she had not groped out that "the treatment of the evil person needs six relatives not to recognize", and has been limited by "should not turn the face with the elder of the mother-in-law", she will not return to her mother's money.
Her mother-in-law's kind of person is another kind of educated person, there is an element of stocking, there is also an element of wicked encouragement, no one has taught her what not to do, what not to do, so she has grown crooked, and the bad person is still a bad person when he gets old.
Her daughter-in-law's resistance is equivalent to teaching her a lesson, letting her taste the taste of making mistakes and being punished, letting her know how to do things normally, and how to do things to deserve to be respected.
The problems in these adult worlds can be extended to the precautions of "parenting", because the problems of adults are fundamentally the result of the lack or misdirection of education (especially family education), if this generation does not pay attention, the next generation does not pay attention, the problem will only be repeated.