01
A good parent-child relationship gives people a feeling of spring breeze, the relationship between parents and children will be very close, and the relationship between parents and children will be very bad, and it is possible to complain to each other in the end.
In "Heart Residence", a good parent-child relationship such as the relationship between Gu Qingyu and her father, the father is only worried about Qingyu's marriage, but there is no excessive interference, they have a good boundary between them, and they do not cross the line, so they get along very well.
Bad parent-child relationship such as Gu Xin and his parents, as well as Shi Yuan and his parents, the parent-child relationship between these two families is very bad, and every time they see it, it will make people feel very suffocated.
Of course, they did not tear up on the surface, and they were also polite, but whether as parents or as children, they were very tired, and they all felt that they were wronged, one felt that he had paid so much, one felt that he had sacrificed so much, and finally just put the resentment in his heart.
As children, Gu Xin and Shi Yuan are already very dissatisfied with their parents, but in order to make each other happy, they repeatedly tolerate and endure their parents to transcend their boundaries to control their lives.
Why is there such a big difference between families, you say that they don't love their children, the answer is of course no, in fact, they love their children very much, and they all want their children to be good.
In fact, the reason is that they put all their hopes in their children.
02
Gu Xin and Shi Yuan finally did not suppress their dissatisfaction with their parents and broke out their inner thoughts.
Gu Xin said it through alcohol, that night he was angry at his parents-in-law's house, very aggrieved, he ran out to drink alone, drunk and sent home by his ex-girlfriend.
When he returned home, he said something very ugly to his mother, saying that he could not choose his origin, he could not choose his parents, and blamed his parents outside the words.
He was indeed right to say this, because in addition to loving him, his mother was really a very bad mother, a door picker, an eight-wife, a poisonous mouth, and he, as her son, was also quite wronged.
And Shi Yuan's side is even more, his mother has been sick for many years, and bipolar disorder, he needs a large amount of treatment costs every year, his pressure is very large, it is difficult to marry a daughter-in-law with very good conditions, and watching the days get better and better.
But his mother has always disapproved of this daughter-in-law, the parents of the two sides met, she also said some very difficult words, let people not come to the stage, and kept nagging him to be with Aunt Huang's daughter.
He felt that his son was the best son in the world, worthy of a better person, and the reason why Shi Yuan and Gu Qingyu's marriage was difficult was mostly because of his mother.
He also finally said to his mother all the dissatisfaction in his heart, these words are held in his heart for a long time, because he really lives a very tired life, everything must listen to his mother, everything must follow his mother, he has lived very hard, his mother is still creating greater difficulties for him out of thin air, who will be able to stand such a mother.
03
Whether it is Gu Xin's mother or Shi Yuan's mother, they both love their children very much, but their love makes the children very suffocated, and they all want to escape. But there is no escape.
Gu Xin's mother loves her children, raises him from a young age, and gives him the best she can give, hoping that one day he will be able to get ahead, soar to the top, and then the mother will live a good life with her children.
And Shi Yuan's mother, even more bitter, was once sent to the countryside as a Zhiqing, and her son could only go to the countryside with him, and she wanted to return to Shanghai and pin all her hopes on her son.
Take care of her son's diet and living, supervise his study, and as a result, because she gave her son sleeping pills (she did not know that it was sleeping pills), her son's college entrance examination was abnormal, and finally he only went to secondary school, which led to his fate in life.
Both mothers have a common feature, that is, they put all their hopes on their sons and let their sons support their dreams, which leads to very stress as children.
They define their sons' happiness by their own standards, and once their sons do not follow the path they have arranged, they will be very dissatisfied and show a strong desire for control.
This is the biggest mistake they have made, not denying their love for their son, but this love is too utilitarian and crushes their son.
04
Gu Xin and Shi Yuan's parents have made us a good negative teaching material, you can love your children, but there is no need to love them like them, because once you pay your whole heart, there will inevitably be a lot of hope, and there will be disappointment if there is hope.
This kind of parent-child relationship is really too tense, and the kindness of parents to their children is like a heavy shackle, locked on their necks, causing them to have difficulty walking.
Even if they seem to be obedient and obedient to their parents on the surface, they will live a very painful and very depressed life, because they dare not disobey their parents, because their parents have paid so much for them, and they themselves feel that they should reciprocate, and the result is to lose themselves.
Good love is definitely not like this, not to allow children to have egos and have their own ideas, but democratic, free, and premised on respect.
Only this kind of parent-child relationship is relaxed, is each other relaxed, like Gu Qingyu and her father, each other is not so tired, but also able to speak to each other.
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Article illustration | Stills from "Heart Dwelling"