Recently, when Jun chatted with his friends at ten o'clock, he found that when people reach middle age, it is really a watershed in marriage.
Her friend Xiaoxiao just ended her 10-year marriage run, and her friends around her were very sorry for her when they heard the news.
But she herself was light on the dinner table: "If it weren't for the children, we would have dispersed a long time ago."
Since about two years ago, she and her husband have rarely spoken at home.
My husband leaves work late and often comes back to lie directly on the sofa or bed.
And she is busy tutoring children's homework, doing housework, all of which her husband sees in his eyes, but he often treats her as a transparent person in the family and does not pay attention.
Every time she encounters this situation, she is angry, but after a few words of conversation, her husband will complain: "I go out every day to make money, you stay at home, why do you still have so many things?" ”
These small contradictions are like burrs on the tip of the heart, and over time, the quarrels between husband and wife continue to exist, and the feelings gradually fade.
When xiaoxiao first entered the marriage, he thought that if two people could not go to the end of a relationship, it must be because of principle issues such as infidelity.
But then it was found that the triviality of life was enough to crush feelings to the ground.
From nothing to say, to nothing to say, we have seen too many middle-aged couples walking and walking and falling apart.
So, how can you make the marriage run for a long time and continue to be fresh?
Looking at many real cases and literary works, Ten Point Jun summed up these 3 laws of marital happiness and encouraged Jun.
I often tell everyone that marriage is slower and divorce is faster, but how many people have the opposite rhythm of marriage.
When you first see each other, you are in agreement, and when you say goodbye, you and I are nong.
Finally, when I entered the marriage, I found that the three views, personality, family, etc. were not run-in, and there were many contradictions, but it was too late.
I believe that everyone has seen the recent hit drama "Heart Residence", which has a very uncomfortable couple, Gu Qingyu and Shi Yuan.
The two were originally young haired and admired each other.
But when he grew up, Gu Qingyu bought a house and a car with his own efforts and became an executive of a foreign company.
Shi Yuan's bad luck, failed the college entrance examination, became a tour guide after graduation, and the family still owed millions of dollars for the treatment of his mother.
Their families, careers, and classes are completely different, but after 12 years, the two unexpectedly reunited, and Gu Qingyu still desperately wants to marry Shi Yuan.
She originally thought that as long as she loved each other, all this could be done, but what did she get in exchange?
When she saw her parents, Shi Yuan's mother hated that Gu Qingyu was not worthy of her son, and she endured.
In daily life, Shi Yuan said to go on a business trip, and as a result, she went to play cards just after leaving home, and she also endured.
Until the end, Shi Yuan carried Gu Qingyu behind her back at work and stole the plan, and she finally couldn't bear it.
From the flash marriage to the flash away, her obsession with the old white moonlight was crushed by her own pinch.
It is often said that the more a woman is married, the worse her life will be.
Many feelings have obviously appeared irreparable rifts, obviously can not continue, but many people still think that it will become better in a moment, endure a little and can be reconciled as before.
I don't know that if you tolerate it again and again, you will end up hurting more and more seriously.
Remember Zhang Ailing's Gu Manzhen?
In the novel "Half Life", Gu Manzhen is a factory clerk and a like-minded lover.
Her life was getting better step by step, but she was unexpectedly calculated by her sister, violated by her brother-in-law Zhu Hongcai, and soon after gave birth to a child.
But the next story is not Gu Manzhen's anger, nor her revenge.
Instead, in the face of a man who had violated her, Gu Manzhen offered to marry Zhu Hongcai after his sister's death.
Perhaps in order to give his child a complete home, or perhaps out of recognition of fate, Gu Manzhen chose to put down the past and return to Zhu Hongcai's side.
But what is the result?
She did not wait for love and pity, but instead watched Zhu Hongcai go out all day to find fun.
Zhu Hongcai ignored her and the child, but cared for his mistress's child.
She put herself in the dust again and again, and again and again in exchange for sorrow, after several times and three times, Gu Manzhen finally died.
Love that is bound together may be a mistake in itself.
Everyone who is confused in love should recognize that good love depends on two people running in both directions and running together.
In the end, it should be happiness, not grievance.
If you say that you will not settle down, it is the basis of a happy marriage.
Then the morality is the key to making the relationship between husband and wife rock solid, stable and lasting.
This point is well interpreted by Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan in "The World of Man".
After many years of marriage, Zhou Bingkun gradually became generous and was also compiled by the magazine.
Many people say that married men are most likely to "desert" when they have small achievements in their careers, but in the face of the pursuit of subordinate Sun Xiaoning, Zhou Bingkun has shown the responsibility of a mature man.
He clearly told Sun Xiaoning: "She (Zheng Juan) is the pillar of our family, the main bone in my heart.
You said that if your sister-in-law didn't want me, you said there was no place to cry. ”
Two simple sentences directly show: I only love Zheng Juan, and no one can replace her.
Coincidentally, when Zhou Bingkun was imprisoned for some reason, Zheng Juan did not abandon it for 9 years, which fully explained the righteousness between husband and wife.
While she waited, she set up a stall in front of the movie theater to support her family, selling popsicles in the summer and sweet potatoes in the winter.
She used her hard work to support the whole family and saved a sum of money.
After Zhou Bingkun was released from prison, she decided to use all her savings to support Zhou Bingkun's comeback.
It is often said that a good husband and wife relationship is not only a partner, but also more like a comrade-in-arms.
Two people are both independent of each other and will burst out of the chemical reaction of 1+1>2 under the combination of marriage.
As the French writer Beauvoir put it:
True love should be based on two free men acknowledging each other.
Each side of a couple will feel each other, both in terms of self and each other, and together the two will reveal the value and purpose of the world.
Couples with stable feelings will form a tacit understanding of love unique to two people in the hands of the world.
Cherish each other, love each other, and resist the storms of this world together.
In fact, many people like to set various preconditions for the happiness of marriage.
Think he doesn't love me anymore, is it because I'm not beautiful enough, she doesn't love me anymore, is it because I don't have enough money.
But the truth is that happiness is often not related to these external or material things, but to the happiness of the couple.
How to tell if a couple is happy?
Perhaps we all need to read Chi Zijian's "Walking Board in the Moonlight".
In the book, husband Wang Rui and wife Lin Xiushan are a very ordinary migrant husband and wife.
Lin Xiushan is a female worker in a wool mill and has an informal canteen job, while Wang Rui is a construction worker who is often deducted from the company.
However, it is such an ordinary and ordinary two people who continue to use their happiness to light up their marriage.
They have their own sense of ritual for love—
The two are separated and can only see each other once a week, but can only be contacted by public telephone.
And every Friday night when on the phone, Lin Xiushan always has to dress up in advance.
Every time Wang Rui came to visit Lin Xiushan, he also had to wear the navy blue suit and large leather shoes he bought at the night market for 70 yuan.
They cherish each other, even beyond themselves -
In order to be able to date his wife every week, her husband Wang Rui would take a few hours of slow trains after a busy day at the construction site, and then catch the train back in the early morning of the next day.
And his wife Lin Xiushan almost never add clothes, no cosmetics, usually use the cheapest toothpaste and soap, a toothbrush can be used for a year.
But he was willing to buy her husband a harmonica worth one hundred and thirty yuan during the Mid-Autumn Festival.
They give new life to love, and constantly ignite the passion of marriage through their own efforts.
There is no vigorousness, no sea oath mountain alliance, but it is enough to make people warm and moving.
I remembered that there was a poem in Yu Xiuhua's "Moonlight Falls on the Left Hand" that described such a long stream of love:
At dusk, we went together to the fields in the breeze
Look at the way the dandelions are yellow
And the grass, with the clouds over the body
At that time, I didn't have to look back, always believing that you were always behind me
I need you to sing the praises of the days with me in this posture
Maybe the marriage of ordinary people is to live together in the dirt and then fly up to the clouds to write poetry together.
Pick up happiness in day after day of life, and constantly awaken the purest form of love in each other's hearts.
About love, about marriage, maybe everyone has their own confusion and confusion.
In the face of this esoteric proposition, only through reading can we understand others better from the endless stream of stories, understand ourselves, and learn from the experience of how to manage a relationship.
In order to let more people find the true meaning of love and marriage in books, feel the power of reading.
Pinduoduo launched the "More Reading Month" activity, hoping to promote "affordable good books, reading for all" and help people better improve themselves and understand the world.
At present, the third season of "More Reading Month" has been launched.