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Do you think two people can still be friends after breaking up? Since everyone's situation is different, everyone will give different answers to this question.
In fact, the question is not about whether people can be friends with their ex, but whether you have the ability to face the failed relationship.
A netizen posted on the Internet that her boyfriend cheated after the engagement, and now the whole family knows that the two of them are getting married, but her heart is hesitant and does not know how to do it.
On the one hand, I can't accept my boyfriend's betrayal, on the other hand, I don't know how to explain it clearly to my family and friends, after all, the relationship between the two people has always been very good.
Whether the feelings are good or bad is just a subjective judgment, her heart is to break with the other party, but the past feelings have made her unable to go out of the strange circle, because of this, she constantly questions whether she is not doing well enough, and why the other party is cheating.
Even in the following period of time, I repeatedly wanted to contact each other and wanted to be friends with him.
I believe that most people do not agree that they can be friends after a breakup, because the change of intimate relationship will not only make the atmosphere of two people more awkward, but also make the individual unable to reconcile with himself.
The end of your last relationship means that you have said goodbye to your past life and that you have said goodbye to your former self. If two people still maintain a non-salty friendship relationship after the breakup, it means that they are still entangled with each other, and although the feelings have disappeared, they still have not come out of their past lives.
People with high psychological defense lines can still control their hearts, but people with weak psychological defense lines will become more and more collapsed.
They either fantasize that the other person still has love for them, so that they continue to approach him in the name of friends, so that they secretly like him, or they think of each other as a friend who can speak from their hearts, just like ordinary friendship.
Whichever case you belong to, it's unhealthy.
American psychologist Bruce Fisher once proposed that the feeling of love is not the only thing that cannot be abandoned, in addition to love, there are also emotions of anger, resentment and revenge.
If a person always mentions his ex frequently and talks endlessly about his former sweetness and anger, it means that he has not yet let go of this relationship, and he has not completely got rid of the emotions controlled by the other party.
The friendship relationship is the best prop to bind the mood, and when the psychology of two people is not mature enough, friendship becomes the best disguise for the two people.
Imagine a scenario where you and your ex have become friends and unexpectedly find that the other party has a new relationship, are you willing to continue to maintain your current relationship with him at this time?
I believe that most people will give a negative answer, because at this time he is no longer your friend alone, his relationship is like a warning line for the friendship between the two of you, if you have the idea of not just being a friend from the beginning and be friends with him, then the behavior at this time is obviously inappropriate.
It is not necessarily impossible to be friends after the breakup, there was a divorced young couple before, they simply tore their faces when they divorced, the scene was quite ugly, especially the custody dispute of the child, which made the two become enemies.
However, a few years have passed, the child has grown up well in the mother, the mother has a new relationship, and the father has made good achievements in his career, until this time the two of them can be regarded as a real reconciliation.
The mother said frankly that when she just divorced, she wished that her ex-husband would be killed immediately, but then the two people had their own lives, and the obsession they had gradually let go.
Nowadays, they occasionally talk about each other's lives and joke with each other, which is also good as adults with mature psychological states.
People who can be friends after the breakup have a stronger heart, they have a clearer sense of boundaries, if only because they are unwilling and reluctant, they want to use the identity of friends to stay by each other's side, the untimely selfish desires will make you more and more unsatisfied sooner or later, once the other party gradually alienates, you will fall into a state of collapse.
The hardest thing in life is to reconcile with yourself, to reconcile with the past, if you really don't want to have a relationship, you may wish to think from another angle, are you really unwilling to be that person, that relationship, or have you been wholeheartedly involved in it?
Loving a person without hesitation is very brave, even if the ending fails, you can still not regret, no regrets. The most beautiful thing in the world is that the person you love just happens to love, but fate can not be sought, if you do not meet at this time, then there is no need to worry, as long as you wait quietly, fate will wait for you at the next intersection sooner or later.
- The End -
Author | Tommida
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Reference: Jean Piaget Biographie. (2020, January 29).