In order to avoid misunderstanding, first of all, at the beginning of the article, I emphasize that this article is a book review of the original book of "Mother-in-law Is Coming", which may be quite different from the drama version.
In the novel "Mother-in-law is coming", the heroine He Lin is a peacock woman, grew up in Beijing, her father is a senior leader of a property management company, loyal and honest, loves his wife and daughter, has a kind heart, likes self-motivated young people, his mother is a university teacher, and there is a little aunt who loves her very much in business, under the favor of the whole family, He Lin lives a carefree and happy life, has not experienced social beatings, not only will not look at people's hearts, but also does not realize the importance of money, only considers love and eye contact when choosing a mate. Ignoring the factor of bread, I looked at a phoenix man, that is, the male protagonist Wang Chuanzhi.
Wang Chuanzhi comes from a poor family, there are five children in the family, Wang Chuanzhi ranks third, is also the most prominent one, his father died, in the eyes of his mother, Wang Chuanzhi is the family's cash cow, is the family's biggest reliance on changing their destiny.
Whether it is Wang Chuanzhi's mother or Wang Chuanzhi's brothers and sisters, they are instilling in Wang Chuanzhi the idea of being rich and noble, helping his family, and honoring his mother, and Wang Chuanzhi always hangs filial piety on his lips and puts his mother and brothers and sisters first.
As psychologist Wu Zhihong said: Most happy families follow the scientific business philosophy - the core of the family level is themselves and their spouses, followed by children, and then parents and siblings.
Wang Chuanzhi reversed the order, which had a serious impact on the life of his wife He Lin. Under the double impact of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and the contradiction between relatives, He Lin was completely disappointed in Wang Chuanzhi, an unclear man, and chose to stop the loss in time.
The reason why He Lin chose to stop the loss in time is because Wang Chuanzhi is not aware of his mistakes at all, it is impossible to maintain a sense of boundary with the original family according to He Lin's needs, it is impossible to fulfill the responsibility of a husband, and it is impossible to carry out the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to help He Lin, in this case, He Lin either chooses to swallow his anger for a lifetime, be bullied by their whole family, or can only leave.
In fact, the marriage between He Lin and Wang Chuanzhi will collapse, and it was expected long before He Lin got married, and from the very beginning, Wang Chuanzhi was not a suitable object for marriage. Whether a man is worth marrying depends on his native family. As lu qi, an emotional expert, said: "When you marry, you are not married to a certain person, but to all the social relations of this person." So what kind of family you marry, what kind of marriage will you have. ”
He Lin's marriage with Wang Chuanzhi will be broken, largely influenced by Wang Chuanzhi's original family. In their eyes, He Lin was not a member of the family, but a cash cow, and these were expected as early as when He Lin first visited Wang Chuanzhi's hometown.
Wang Chuanzhi's family style is really poor, girls should pay attention to, if you first meet your boyfriend's parents when you find that your boyfriend's family has these three problems, if you don't want to add trouble to yourself, it is best not to marry.
First, the idea of serious patriarchal preference.
In the original work, He Lin gave birth to a daughter, which made her mother-in-law dislike her even more. The in-laws' serious patriarchal thinking affected the physical and mental health of He Lin's daughter, which was not conducive to the growth of He Lin's daughter, and also completely stimulated He Lin, who loved her daughter, and made up her mind to leave Wang Chuanzhi and take her daughter out of this bad home.
In fact, He Lin was too stupid, she should have realized this problem when she first met her mother-in-law.
How patriarchal is He Lin's mother-in-law? Wang Chuanzhi's sister-in-law gave birth to a daughter, and her status in the family was very low, not only was she unceremoniously summoned by her mother-in-law, but she could only eat cabbage, carrots, chicken heads, chicken feet, chicken belly chicken necks when eating. Wang Chuanzhi's eldest brother actually had two daughters, one was given away, and the mother-in-law had to hold her grandson in spite of the policy requirements, and in the end, Wang Chuanzhi's sister-in-law gave birth to a son, which changed her position in the family.
If you find that a man or a man's parents have a patriarchal mentality, it is recommended to leave directly, otherwise, you and your daughter will have a hard time in the future.
Second, bad habits that don't fit in with you;
The reason why people emphasize that a good marriage needs to be right at home is also because different family economic conditions will create different living habits, three views and so on.
As a native of the city, He Lin simply could not adapt to the dirty and messy living habits of Wang Chuanzhi's hometown, whether it was basic facilities such as toilets or diet, He Lin could not adapt and became ill.
To say that He Lin is pretentious, it is indeed a little, but it is also understandable, after all, she has always been a little princess held in the palm of her hand by her family, she has not suffered at all, and she is not at all adapted to the environment of Wang Chuanzhi's family.
After Wang Chuanzhi's family came to the city, they could not change their living habits, could not adapt to the living habits of the city, and naturally had contradictions with He Lin, and the water and fire were intolerable.
Tu Lei said in the program: "Love is not distinguished between high and low, but marriage is not the same, marriage is best to be the right door, the original family parents' life, lifestyle, is the key to long-term marriage." ”
The original family determines what kind of living habits and three views a person has, and the person who does not agree with the three views does not speculate for more than half a sentence, cannot communicate at all, and cannot come together.
Third, use your boyfriend or even you as an ATM.
Wang Chuanzhi had a hard time going home, and his mother and other siblings kept asking him for money.
When I went to the train station to buy a ticket on the same day, He Lin was depressed. Wang Chuanzhi is not a poor egg, he has been carrying these two months' salary in his pocket, more than two thousand yuan, all generously distributed to his family, so that when buying tickets, she also needs to pad more than a hundred, and even the five-hundred-yuan gift that the future mother-in-law stuffed for the future daughter-in-law is also returned.
What is even more speechless is that at that time, He Lin had not yet married Wang Chuanzhi, and Wang Chuanzhi's mother opened her mouth and closed her mouth to say "what is the difference between marriage and marriage", and started He Lin's idea, asking Wang Chuanzhi to tell He Lin that they are all family, and if they can help one, they will let He Lin help Wang Chuanzhi's family.
From this time on, we can see He Lin's position in the hearts of Wang Chuanzhi's family, she is a cash cow and a tool for passing on the generations.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong said in "Why Home Hurts": Love is constantly transmitted in this cycle, from our original family to our newborn family; the mode of getting along with our lovers is also repeating our mode of getting along with our parents.
Girl, it doesn't matter if you don't have a native family, I will try to change his mind after marriage, you can't change others, you can only change your own choices. You know, from meeting and falling in love, at most for a few years, how can your position in his heart surpass the original family he has lived for more than twenty years? Decades of hearing and subtly, is it something you can easily change?
Men's thinking and lifestyle may never change, but your path and life can be chosen again, I hope women can understand this truth, and polish their eyes when choosing a mate.
END.
Today's topic: Where do you think He Lin's marriage mainly lost? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.