Just now, I sent a book review of "Mother-in-law is Coming", in fact, in this novel, the male protagonist Wang Chuanzhi is a phoenix man.
The reason why He Lin's marriage has become a chicken feather, it is not easy, not only because of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but also because she and Wang Chuanzhi have different views and different values, and the two of them do not belong to the same category of people.
One is a peacock woman with a well-off family, a pearl in the palm of her parents, who has not suffered hardships, yearns for love, and longs for the care and wholehearted love of men, and the other is a phoenix man from a poor family, who was admitted to a good university, came to a big city, became a civil servant, and became the hope of the original family.
In the eyes of Wang Chuanzhi's relatives, Wang Chuanzhi is their cash cow and their greatest hope for getting rid of poverty, that is, the so-called one-man ascension to heaven. He Lin married him, that is, the people of their family, all of He Lin's property is theirs, and they must also work with Wang Chuanzhi to do their best for the Wang family, pass on the generations, help everyone in the Wang family, and let them live a good life.
And Wang Chuanzhi? His view is also very simple, in his view, the original family is his fate, is the bondage of his life, whether it is a mother, or a brother and sister, he can not ignore. When they clashed with He Lin, Wang Chuanzhi, who responded to his mother's needs and put filial piety first, would only ask He Lin to compromise and hurt He Lin, but did not dare to say a "no" word to the unreasonable demands of the original family.
Psychologist Karen said: The biggest gap between people is not status, rich and poor, education or beauty and ugliness, but values. ”
If you and your in-laws are not in line with the three views, then it is fine, if the man can carry it clearly, take you out to live, let you maintain a certain distance, less contact, maybe the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not ruin the marriage. However, if you don't agree with the man's three views, and you don't speculate more than half a sentence when you communicate, your marriage will be hopeless.
Therefore, when a woman chooses a mate, remember to pay attention to the other party's original family, don't be like He Lin, obviously not adapted to Wang Chuanzhi's original family environment, but was carried away by love, insisted on challenging human nature, married Wang Chuanzhi, and finally harmed herself.
Psychotherapist Satya said: A person's personality characteristics, three views of life, spiritual character, way of thinking, and living habits are deeply influenced by his original family, and many of them are even decisively affected.
"I earn 30,000 a month, take 10,000 to adopt my brother and a family of 4, why can't I?" Is it true that after a man gets married, he can no longer take care of his parents and brothers? Can I only spend the money I earn for my wife and children, not for my family? ”
Seeing the circle of friends sent by her boyfriend, Yang Zixuan originally planned to reply, but after thinking about it for a while, not only did not reply to him, but instead blocked all his contact information and decided to completely put down this relationship.
"Reply to him for what? I'm not on the same channel with him, and I'm definitely going to argue, so forget it! Just as if we had no part. ”
Two years in love, to this point, to say that it is not uncomfortable, it is impossible.
01. Although many people have advised me not to fall in love with the phoenix man, I still like him very much;
Two years ago, when Yang Zixuan was working alone in a big city, she met her boyfriend Pan Zijie. It was Pan Zijie who took the initiative to pursue her, and when she confessed to her, Yang Zixuan felt very surprised, and did not expect that Pan Zijie would look at herself.
"He's a very capable person in our company, very high-performing, very competent, and he is praised by the leadership every time he meets. He also has a high income, and by the time we broke up, his monthly salary had reached more than 30,000, which was 3 times that of me. He was tall, 1 meter 8, and he didn't look bad, so there were not a few people chasing her. ”
Among these girls who pursue Pan Zijie, there are both those who are much more beautiful than Yang Zixuan, and those who are more capable than Yang Zixuan and whose income is comparable to Pan Zijie's, but Pan Zijie resolutely refuses and only looks at Yang Zixuan.
For Pan Zijie, Yang Zixuan also has a good feeling, accepts his confession, and becomes his girlfriend. As the two people came into contact with each other more and more, Yang Zixuan discovered that Pan Zijie was a phoenix man.
Pan Zijie's hometown is at the junction of the three provinces, the economic conditions are backward, Pan Zijie's parents planted a lifetime of land, gave birth to a pair of twin sons, and saved money for the two sons to study. However, compared with his older brother, Pan Zijie's younger brother was very angry, only admitted to three universities, and after graduation, he found several jobs and never settled down.
Speaking of Yang Zixuan's family situation, Yang Zixuan has suspected more than once that the reason why Pan Zijie has looked up to himself or not looks better on the surface is because of his good family.
Yang Zixuan's father works in a state-owned enterprise, her mother is a university teacher and has a solid family, Yang Zixuan is an only child, and she is the pearl in the palm of her parents.
"When my girlfriends, relatives and friends knew that I was in love with a phoenix man, without exception, all opposed and urged us to break up, they firmly believed that the reason why he liked me was because he looked at my family situation, felt that if he married me, he could get all the property of my family, and told me a lot of right things. However, I didn't listen to it, and went down with him. ”
02. Talking about marriage and getting married, he not only does not want to give a bride price, but also wants my family to get out of the marriage room, on the grounds that there is no money;
Yang Zixuan and Pan Zijie talked about love for two years, and finally came to the step of talking about marriage. Although Yang Zixuan's parents were not willing to marry their daughter to a phoenix man, they could not help their own daughter and had to agree to this marriage.
Her parents told Yang Zixuan that the bride price is a custom passed down from ancient times to the present, and it cannot be avoided, and they should not be more, as long as 100,000 bride price. The marriage room is a necessity, Pan Zijie earns nearly 400,000 yuan a year, and it is not difficult to take out half of the down payment of the marriage room.
"Actually, I have already bought you a house as a dowry, but, this time, I will not give, and I am afraid that you will be deceived and cheapened someone else. If you are really emotionally stable and have gone on for a lifetime, perhaps, these possessions can be given to your children, and you are not allowed to tell him. ”
Yang Zixuan did not say, but only told Pan Zijie of her parents' request. In her opinion, the parents' requirements are not excessive, basically the daughters will have such requirements.
However, after Pan Zijie listened, he obviously felt embarrassed. In his view, the bride price is a squeeze on the man's family, it should not exist at all, Yang Zixuan is an only child, and there is no brother, this 100,000 yuan is just a formality, do not have to take it seriously. As for the marriage room, Pan Zijie and Yang Zixuan poured bitter water, saying that they really couldn't afford to buy a house with too much money.
"Our house price here is high, and the down payment of the house I look at is about 600,000, half of a family, 300,000, which is his annual income." It's been five years since he graduated, so he can't even get this money out! ”
03. Knowing where his salary went, I had several fights, and I felt hopeless;
Although Yang Zixuan loves Pan Zijie very much, under the education of her parents and relatives and friends, she has become much more sensitive and found the problem.
Therefore, she proposed to go to Pan Zijie's hometown to see, and finally found the problem.
First of all, Yang Zixuan found that Pan Zijie's parents moved from the countryside to the county seat and lived in a two-bedroom apartment, although the local house price is not high, but the house is also worth hundreds of thousands.
Secondly, Yang Zixuan found that Pan Zijie's brother had long been married, had children, and had a house. According to Pan Zijie, his younger brother works in his hometown and earns no more than four thousand a month.
Finally, she found that Pan Zijie's parents, who were only in their early fifties, were no longer working, one was helping her youngest son with her children, and the other was playing mahjong all day long.
"Where did the money come from?" You don't say it, I can guess it, you must have given it, right? The reason why you don't have the money to buy a house, and you don't even want to pay the dowry money, is because you spend all the money on your parents and brother, right? ”
Under Yang Zixuan's questioning, Pan Zijie finally admitted that he had to give his parents 3,000 yuan in alimony every month and 10,000 yuan to his brother to support his family.
"No matter who I marry, I am the son of my parents, I must honor my parents, my parents are not easy, they have suffered for most of their lives, it is time to enjoy happiness." 」 My brother and I are twin brothers, who do I care? ”
Moreover, Pan Zijie believes that he only takes less than half of his salary to his family, which is not excessive. However, Yang Zixuan is very aware of the local consumption level, once two people are married, have children, and want a good quality of life, with their salaries, they may not be able to live well.
"I argued with him several times without any results, and at this point, I was almost certain why he chose me. He wanted to rob the rich and help the poor, and used me as a pawn for the whole family to live a good life, so I didn't do it! ”
In the end, Yang Zixuan chose to break up with Pan Zijie, she proposed to break up, Pan Zijie was unwilling and had been harassing Yang Zixuan, but in Yang Zixuan's eyes, they no longer had the need to be together.
04. If the three views are not compatible, there is no need to quarrel, and it is better to let go before marriage than to divorce after marriage.
I remember Ma Weiwei once said in the program: "Sometimes it is not that we are born easy to meet scumbags, but that our values do not match each other, crush each other, and make each other into scum." ”
If the three views are not in harmony, there is no need to quarrel, you can just let go, communication is indeed a good medicine to resolve differences, but if you do not agree with the three views, you all feel that the other party has a mistake and cannot communicate at all.
It is better to let go before marriage than to divorce after marriage. After getting married, you find that it is not suitable, and the trouble is not only you, but also the children.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think Yang Zixuan's decision to break up is right? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.