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"Notre Dame de Paris": "The human heart can only tolerate a certain degree of despair, the sponge has sucked enough water, even if the sea flows over it, it can no longer add a drop of water to it." ”
The "despair" in this sentence can also be replaced by "disappointment", not changed, anyway, disappointment is also despair.
A little disappointment does not make people feel hopeless, as long as there is no complete loss of hope, there will still be something to look forward to. But if there are too many disappointments and no more expectations, even if the ready-made hope is thrown away, it is difficult to rekindle hope.
The problem often arises in the world of feelings, that anyone who falls in love with another person, no matter what the purpose, will expect something, and expect something beautiful. Temporary expectations are disappointed, perhaps they will not think of giving up, and they will not die easily. But if the expectation is completely disappointed, it will give up, and even if it is to make up for it at this time, it is already too late.
The reason why the woman divorced and refused to remarry is the so-called "enough disappointment", let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I once heard people say that when you are unhappy, you can talk to someone, as long as you pour out the bitter water, you will be happy. But why am I still so sad when I talk to someone? It was as if the sadness in my heart had been constantly being produced, and it was not clean at all.
Especially when my mother-in-law pestered me to remarry my ex-husband, it made me even more sad. She went back and forth with only one set of words, thinking that I should not divorce her son, thinking that I did not understand things, thinking that I should remarry because her son had money.
When I divorced my ex-husband, she also said this to me: "My son has 1 million savings, why do you divorce him?" ”
She said this, the implication is that I am not even qualified for divorce, just because she thinks that I do not have her son's money, she thinks that I pretend to be high, in fact, I am also a woman who loves money, she feels that I have no reason to divorce her son.
To put it mildly, in her mind, I am equivalent to a commodity that I have spent money to buy, and I should not have any non-division of thoughts.
But what I don't understand is that since she frequently belittled me and thought I was not worth anything, why did she pestered me to remarry? Don't you feel contradictory?
When I got divorced, I told her, "You'll never get it!" "I still think so, she can't understand my feelings. If she knew, she would have supported me in divorcing or disciplining her son well in advance.
I have to say that many people can't express their suffering in words, and the word "there is suffering" may mean this!
My ex-husband had $1 million in savings, which I knew before I married him because we did notarization of premarital property.
I confess that I did get involved with the money before I got married, because I never had that much money myself, and I fantasized that that much money would allow me to experience the life of a rich man. However, things are not as simple as I thought.
In short, he has money, but it has nothing to do with me. Although he said something seductive to me and showed a generous appearance, he only tricked me into marrying him, and did not keep his promise after marriage. His money has always been in his hands, usually spent on my money, when there is no money, he would rather encourage me to go to my mother's house to borrow money than move his money.
I asked my mother's family once or twice to borrow money, but if it is too frequent, even if the mother's family has no opinion, I am not embarrassed to open my mouth.
At this time, I began to talk to him about money, and he obviously talked about the discoloration of money, and he sentenced him to two people with a sweet mouth before marriage.
It was the first time I'd disappointed him, and we had a fight that day. I thought that quarreling would make him pay attention to the problem of money and modify the logic of our lives, but it turned out that I was too naïve, followed by the second and third disappointments, talking about money became his norm, or that he had been preventing me like a thief, and I finally understood why he wanted to do premarital property notarization in the first place, so that even if I divorced, I would not get a penny.
He loves money more than he loves me, or he only loves money and doesn't love me, I have saved enough disappointment, what are you waiting for without divorce?
It's just that these hardships in life are not movies, we are not actors who perform in front of the camera, no one has recorded videos, no one has listened, and how hard the days are, only I know in my heart.
Even if I explain these words to my mother-in-law, what can I do? She wouldn't believe it, and even if I had recorded it, she would have thought I was fabricating the facts, let alone that I had no evidence. What else can I do? I could only refuse again and again while she was pestering me.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
From her mother-in-law's entanglement with her, is there really no way for her to get rid of the entanglement?
There are definitely ways to change the city life, change the environmental life, replace all the ways that can be connected to themselves, etc., can get rid of the entanglement.
If you don't use these ready-made methods, just stop in place to lick the wound, the mother-in-law to entangle and do not dare to resist, just go against the grain, and finally refuse, it is difficult to get rid of the entanglement, this will only make the mother-in-law feel that the pressure exerted on you is not enough.
I can understand her pain, but I wouldn't advise her to do nothing. If you want to change the status quo, you have to do something. If you just want to change the status quo and don't do anything about it, every time you realize that the status quo hasn't changed, you will be heartbroken again.
In addition to the changes in the specific life status quo, there are also changes in the psychological status quo. To understand this truth: the matter has come to this point, the tragedy that has occurred will not disappear, no one will compensate you for your self-pity, and the only person who can take you out of the predicament is yourself.
The fault lies in others, you can't ask others to change, just let go of obsession and live your own life; the fault lies in yourself, repeated self-blame has no meaning, only to pick up the problem, learn the lesson, and start over, it is meaningful.