Enter the elevator and press the tenth floor. A beautiful woman came up to close the door, and she pressed the 23456789 floor. I said, "Excuse me, what are you?" "She's a thief

Enter the elevator and press the tenth floor. A beautiful woman came up to close the door, and she pressed the 23456789 floor. I said, "Excuse me, what are you?" She smiled thiefly, "I can't let you guess how many floors I'm going to." "Wait for her to come down from the seventh floor!" I looked at her slim back and sighed: Very beautiful girl is not high IQ!

2 The wife is a bully, the mother-in-law is very strict with her, from childhood in addition to eating and sleeping, other times stay in the study! Yesterday I took my wife to a classical concert. The soprano singer and the orchestra performed the music passionately under the dispatch of the conductor, but the wife looked a little confused and asked incomprehensibly: "Husband, why does the old man keep scaring the beautiful woman with a stick?" I smiled and said, "Not to scare, the old man is the conductor of the band." My wife: "If there is no scare, why did that beautiful woman shout?" ”

3 The son especially does not like to wash his face, last night took him to eat KFC, he pointed to the black foreigner sitting next to him and said, "Son, if you don't like to wash his face anymore, he will be as black as he is." Unexpectedly, the foreigner turned around and patted my son, said in fluent Mandarin, "Your father lied!" I was born with this! ”

4 On the brothers' mother's birthday, he sent 10,000 red envelopes, afraid that his wife would come home and quarrel with him, so he pretended to be drunk. The wife looked at it, counted on the heart, as the saying goes, after drinking and spitting out the truth, why not take advantage of his drunkenness, test the test: Husband, why do you give your mother money behind my back? Dude: Wife, I told my mother that it was the money you gave her, and my mother was very happy, she went around showing off that she had a good daughter-in-law, and my father said, You are now a celebrity in our town. Wife: Husband, if one day I am old and not good-looking, will you not like me?

Dude thought, when did you look good? But the mouth said: Wife, you are old, I am old. Wife: Husband, if one day, if you have money, will you go to Find Little Three? Dude: Wife, you put your heart in your stomach, no, with you there, I will never... Before the buddy could finish speaking, his wife said excitedly: Husband, you rest for a while, I will cook soup for you to drink. Her wife was gone, and the buddy said: With you here, I will never have money.

5 My brother-in-law arranged me into the company, when I left work today, it was raining heavily outside, the front desk girl did not have an umbrella, I directly stuffed my umbrella into her, she shouted: "Hey, your umbrella!" I smiled and said, "No, this is your umbrella!" "Then run into the rain. Later I ran a few steps, looked back and saw that she was in a Mercedes and threw away her umbrella...

6 Used his wife Alipay to transfer 20,000 yuan to his ex-girlfriend. My wife was particularly angry when she found out, and she directly threw me out of the house. I was wandering around the street when I suddenly saw an old man lying in front of a Maybach car in the alley. He was screaming, there was no camera next to him, and the owner was too scared to get out of the car. I took the old man's hand and asked, "Can I move?" If you can't do it, go to the hospital, right? The old man twitched and said: Move, can't move! I nodded, took away his jade wrench and ran, the old man chasing me two miles behind.

7 The mother-in-law asked me to prepare a house of more than 130 square meters, a car of more than 100,000 yuan, plus a dowry of 150,000 yuan! My girlfriend is not well prepared until she turns 27, so don't talk about getting married! I gave my girlfriend an idea: "You tell your mother that you don't like men!" The girlfriend did so, and three months later, the mother-in-law was really anxious, and several times and three times called me to dinner, and when they met, they said: "I agreed to your marriage, the bride price is not wanted, you see that you can get a certificate today, I took the household registration book." "I pretended to resign and agreed, and after marriage, I suddenly found that my girlfriend really didn't like men anymore." How can this be done? I seem to have been pit by the mother-in-law?

8 When working in the company, a colleague accidentally twisted his foot and hurried to the hospital to see a doctor.

At that time, a doctor with a heavy accent gave him anesthesia and asked him: Is there numbness in the feet?

Colleagues were a little confused.

The anesthesiologist felt that he might be talking too quietly and continued to ask: Is the foot numb?

The colleague was still in a blindfolded state and ignored her.

The anesthesiologist couldn't stand it and raised his voice: Talk, numbness in the feet?

Colleague: Mom.

9 When I finally got my driver's license today, I wanted to discuss buying a car with my daughter-in-law. Today I said to her: You see, I often run outside, shouldn't there be something that can't rain on my head, can't blow to the top, and go out and have a lot of face. The wife hesitated for a long time after listening, and finally seemed to have made a difficult decision. The next day at dinner, my wife pulled out her long-cherished motorcycle helmet!

10 The girlfriend is the class leader, and once she presided over the class meeting, before the meeting, she smiled and groaned that she wanted to investigate everyone's private life, saying that the boy with the girlfriend raised his hand. There weren't many boys raising their hands, and I looked at her happily and raised my hands. Step by step, she came down from the podium, came to me and said: Well, you put your hand down, you don't lift it when you should, do you hold it blindly when you shouldn't?

11 My wife and I met at Tsinghua University, as soon as we graduated, we both got married, and after marriage, we lived a very happy life, and now my wife is pregnant with her second child. After dinner, my wife sat on the couch on her stomach and watched TV, and my son and I brushed the dishes in the kitchen.

I quietly asked, "Son, do you mean that your mother's belly is a brother or a sister?" ”

The son said very seriously, "It's my brother!" ”

I asked, "How can you be sure of your brother?" ”

Son: "If the mother gives birth to a brother, we are three people serving a woman.

To have a sister, we will have to serve the two women! Too uneconomical! ”