A housewife went to the market and bought a large basket of carrots. The carrots were fresh and had dirt, but there was a little too much dirt. The housewife carefully collected all the dirt, and so on

A housewife went to the market and bought a large basket of carrots. The carrots were fresh and had dirt, but there was a little too much dirt. The housewife carefully collected all the dirt, and there was a quarter of a basket. So she returned to the market, returned the dirt to the seller, and said, "I only bought your carrots, not your soil, and these soils are far more precious than those carrots." If you sell even this, in the hands of your children and grandchildren, there will be no carrots to sell! ”

2, the mother has recently been obsessed with square dance and can not extricate herself, no matter what kind of music, the mother can dance with it. Mom: Son, now the music and songs are too noisy, you find me a quiet and tasteful one. So I played her Beethoven's piano music, and as soon as the music sounded, my mother began to tiptoe non-stop. Me: Mom, you can jump if you want! Mom: Don't worry, I'll dance when I start singing!

3, in the morning on the way to work to pick up a red packet, I look around no one rushed to carry it into the pocket. When I arrived at the company, I found a corner where no one was, excitedly opened the red packet, wanted to see how much money was inside, the moment I opened it almost didn't make me cry, which stinks and doesn't have a face, and even put the used toilet paper, folded so neatly into the red packet

4. Today, our class is engaged in activities, and one of the dicks performed a program called "Moving Books". Only to see him sit down and take a book on his lap, and then forget the goddess of his choice. Soon, a girl screamed: "The book has moved, you really moved the book!" "I saw that our class teacher was so angry that his face was green...

5, a physics class, talked about ampere's law. The teacher asked us to judge whether to use the left hand or the right hand to determine the direction of force of a conductor with an electric current in the magnetic field, and some said that the left hand was said to use the right hand, and there was no definite answer for a long time. In desperation, the teacher said: "Male left female right? ”

6, TV explanation: animal hair can be used to cool down, when the temperature is high, the hair stands up, can defend against insect bites. I said: Now that there is air conditioning and anti-mosquito medicine, human hair is useless! My wife grabbed my hair and said, "It's convenient for the old woman to hit someone!" I immediately shaved my head!

7, husband and daughter-in-law quarrel. The daughter-in-law said grievously: You never killed me at the beginning, and now you have only been killing me for a year and a half, and I dare not think about what you will do to me in the future. Husband disagrees: What about you? You haven't changed? The daughter-in-law said with a straight face: Yes, I hit you at the beginning, and now I still beat you!

8, let the guide continue to pull the representative of Party A to continue to pour wine, finish the matter on the KTV hi pi, after a long time let the guide answer a phone face is embarrassed! That night, Party A expressed great satisfaction, and the next day Xiao Chen did not come to work and was expelled.

9, every time I go home, lz mother will compare a neighbor's son with me, what kind of family is as old as you, how many girlfriends have brought home, bought a house in a big city, bought a car, anyway, it is capable. Whenever this time comes, the feeling of dick silk comes out of nowhere... Cut him... Just came home yesterday, and the whole village said he was in jail! Then, at dinner, it was much quieter, and I ate three large bowls

10, our company's Kai Kai long very fat, delicious lazy do also want to lose weight. Some time ago, Kai Kai saw on the Internet that there is a diet pill, as long as it is taken strictly every day, eating a course of treatment will have obvious effects, and if it is invalid, it can be fully refunded. So Kai Kai bought a course of treatment, after receiving the medicine, he opened the instruction manual to look carefully, only to see that it said: Please take every two hours, one pill each time, twelve times a day, on an empty stomach.

1 I have not taken the driver's license, and the students who learned to drive have popularized several new knowledge for me. She said: "If a pedestrian is hit by a zebra crossing, the driver is fully responsible, but if you don't take the zebra crossing, the driver's responsibility is not so big." Me: "What if someone is walking at a zebra crossing, but he knocks someone out of the air?" She said, "You can climb back hard, and you can do it." ”

12, the brother-in-law and the nurse girlfriend who has only known each other for a few days broke up. Me: Dude, why did you break up? The girl is very beautiful, and her family is also very well-off, what is the difference? Brother-in-law: She is good in every way, but there is a habit that I can't stand. Me: You still pick people? You have a lot of bad habits, what exactly is her habit that you can't stand? Brother-in-law: No matter what she picks up, she likes to play it first...

13, my nephew was invited by the teacher to ask the parents in the school fight, and he did not dare to look for my eldest brother and sister-in-law to entrust me to go. On the way back, I saw my little nephew with a sullen look on his face, so I was relieved: "Boy, it should be a little bloody!" After you have a fight and still fight, make a mistake and then call the parents, you handsome teacher that aunt I give you a top! ”

14, the big unified calculus score is extremely poor, the first exam, send the test paper to scare yourself, 3 points! Or the percentage system! Therefore, there is all kinds of ambiguity. Suddenly, the teacher slammed the table and roared: "Someone actually took the number of digits, I want to lift this classmate up!" Looking at the back door, half bent over and raising his feet to open the door, he just slipped to the door to prepare to push the door, and then heard the teacher's voice: "Xiaoming, zero points!" Come upstairs! So I sat down again and watched the dejected man next to me walk up to the podium...