1, a traffic policeman is issuing a ticket, a man with a cigarette came over and shouted: ''What will you do in addition to the ticket?' The traffic police ignored it, and the man continued: "There is a kind of dragging away|" The traffic police were furious

1, a traffic policeman is issuing a ticket, a man with a cigarette came over and shouted: ''What will you do in addition to the ticket?' The traffic police ignored it, and the man continued: "There is a kind of dragging away|." "The traffic police are very angry, and the man continues: there is a kind of dragging away!" The traffic police couldn't bear to take out the walkie-talkie, and when towing the truck, they kindly said to him: ''Come to the five brigades in the afternoon to deal with it!'" Man: "It's my bird business, the car is not mine!" After humming a little song, he rode away on the battery car.

2. Working as a teacher at Fudan University, a female student became pregnant before marriage. I was a responsible man, so I followed her home to meet her parents. When it was time to eat, I was afraid that the second meal would be awkward, so I pressed and pressed one of my own bowls with a rice spoon, and by the way, I also filled a bowl for my father-in-law. When I brought it to the table to prevent my brother-in-law from pouring me wine, the father-in-law saw that my bowl was not very full, so he took it and changed it with himself. But he can usually eat three bowls, and the bowl of rice pokes off a chopstick and does not finish eating...?

3. I am a supervisor in a company, and last month the company arranged for me to go on a business trip abroad for a month. I just got home two days ago, I rested at home for two days, and today is the weekend for a long time without taking my girlfriend out to play. The weather was good today, so I took my three-year-old daughter to fly a kite, and the wind blew the line off, and the kite flew away, and the two of us had to go home very depressed. On the way home, the daughter asked: Daddy the kite flew away, so when did it fly back? I replied: It will come back next month when your mother gives me pocket money! The daughter nodded firmly.

4, my drunken hobby is to play ball, today when playing a bit of a twist of the foot. When I lay down at night, I found that the soles of my feet had turned black and purple. My roommate immediately carried me from the sixth floor to the school doctor's office. The doctor knocked on my feet, wiped them with disinfectant water, and then said: Go back and wash your feet well, the slippers are discolored! The two roommates who carried me didn't want to pay attention to me now.

5, my girlfriend thinks I am a poor boy, followed by a rich second generation to run, I was frustrated in the scene to go to the bar to buy drunk, before leaving also sang a song "Beijing Beijing", humming songs while walking. I got into the taxi and hummed, unconsciously fell asleep, and the driver woke me up in the morning: Beijing has arrived! I opened my eyes and looked at the meter: twelve thousand eight hundred and fifteen dollars. I said with a shocked face: Master, why did you open Beijing?" The master said: I asked you several times last night, you all said Beijing, Beijing, I thought you were in a hurry to see the national flag raised! My God, now that I think about it, I feel afraid, fortunately I didn't sing that song "Heaven" last night?

6. Today, I was shopping for vegetables at the wet market with my husband, and there was a vendor who was dealing with discounted chicken racks, and my husband and I picked it up. We picked for half a day and chose two chicken racks. When the husband lifted the chicken rack to prepare the scale, the husband's colleague came over! The colleague glanced at the chicken rack in her husband's hand and said, "You just eat this?" The husband loved face and stammered, "No, there are two dogs in the family, which are bought for dogs to eat." ”

7. The son's academic performance has always been excellent, and the neighbor comes to the house to ask the son if he has a good learning method. Son: Because the old master and brother scare us in one class. ANT: How to scare?? Son: The Chinese teacher said that if you don't learn Chinese well, you will only be deceived by false information; the math teacher says that if you don't learn mathematics well, you will be counted; the English teacher says that if you don't learn English well, you will be fooled; the chemistry teacher says that if you don't learn chemistry well, you can't guarantee your safety in the future. Neighbors...

8. Aunt Wang juju wants to introduce the children of distant relatives to me. I came to the window position of the café, just sat down, the waiter came over and said: Beauty, hello, our boss has explained, you can drink anything you want, he gives you a free order! I wonder, I don't know your boss? Waiter: Our boss is your blind date, as soon as you enter the door, the boss will see you, said there is no need to say goodbye, let me treat you well!

9, and my wife went to visit RT-Mart, I saw an acquaintance from afar, and I came forward to say hello. The acquaintance looked at me for half a day, and suddenly patted my thigh: "It's you, I can't recognize you when you put on your clothes." The wife suddenly "snapped" and slapped me in the face: "The old lady is really blind, you are actually good at this mouth!" Then he turned around and ran. I couldn't take care of the acquaintance, and quickly went forward to chase after my wife: "Wife, you misunderstood, he is the bathhouse scrubbing, I look for him every time to rub." ”?

10. When the aunt gave birth to her cousin, he was bleeding and died, and the cousin lacked maternal love from childhood. When he was in college, his cousin found that his Oedipus complex was getting worse and worse, and he fell madly in love with a 45-year-old married female teacher at school. The female teacher could not bear his stalking and reported the matter to the school, and then the cousin was expelled from the school. The cousin did not plan to continue his studies, so he bought a driver's license and went to drive a bus in a foreign country. Now that he's been driving for more than 10 years, he doesn't know what the mirrors on both sides of the front of the car do. The other day, when I was drinking with my cousin, I asked: How do you see if there is a car in the back or not? Cousin: This is simple, just stick your head out to see!?

11. On weekends, I take my son to go fishing. My son asked me, "Why can a whale grow so big and a grass carp so small?" I explained: "Because whales live in the sea, grass carp live in fish ponds, the sea is much bigger than fish ponds, and of course whales grow a lot more than grass carp." Then, my son pulled me and begged, "Dad, let's buy a big house, save me from growing tall." ”"

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