Yesterday, as soon as the news that Gu Ailing won the championship on behalf of the Chinese team came out, the whole network boiled.
This girl can be said to be a true son of heaven and an all-round genius. At the age of only eighteen, in many ways, he reached a height that ordinary people cannot reach in a lifetime.
As soon as she became famous, her attention was high, and someone pulled out all the information about her.
Everyone began to talk about her growth process, her learning methods, her living habits, her origin...
One of the most concerned is that Gu Ailing is a child who grew up in a single-parent family.
This point is still quite controversial, some people say look, the children of single-parent families can also be very good;
Some people say, you don't look at who people's parents are, is she a child of an ordinary single-parent family?
In fact, I think the latter article is the point. Gu Ailing's success has nothing to do with not being a single parent.
I am not saying this to deny the previous conclusion.
But what I'm refuting is the premise of the first statement: Look, children in single-parent families can also be excellent.
The premise of this sentence is that children in single-parent families are difficult to excel.
It seems that it is true that children in single-parent families are really difficult to be excellent, but are children of two-parent families easy to be excellent? It doesn't seem to be either.
Excellence is a very difficult thing, the top talents, has always been rare, most people are doomed to be mediocre.
In our traditional society, as a single mother, raising children alone is really under pressure from public opinion.
Part of it is sympathy, and this sympathy is not real sympathy, it is sympathy with a sense of superiority.
There is also a part of prejudice: children in single-parent families are prone to problems, easy to raise children with inferiority and introverts, easy to raise a mother and baby man, easy to ...
I laughed at the "sympathizers," but I thought hard about the series of questions posed by the bigoters.
I have read a lot of books in this regard, and I have also seen some survey data, and among single-parent families and left-behind children, there are indeed more problems.
So it is easy to conclude that single-parent families and left-behind families are not conducive to the growth of children.
But it's easy to make the mistake of simple attribution.
Let's first take a look at what a child needs for healthy growth.
The first is material; the second is love, it is attention, it is companionship, it is the right guidance.
Of course, there are others, but these are the two most important points, that is, we usually say that there is money and leisure.
The reason why there are many families of teachers and civil servants who go to school is because such families are relatively rich and idle.
And ordinary single-parent, left-behind families, the most likely to lack, is precisely these two.
Not only these two kinds of families, most of the families that have problems, basically these problems, lack of money, lack of time, lack of communication...
So you see, the problem children in single-parent families, the problem is not single parents, but other problems caused by single parents.
Over the years, I have been alone with children, and life seems to be passable, so there are always many female friends who consult with me, their current situation is somewhat bad, they want to divorce, but they are worried about the hard work of taking children alone.
I usually don't directly persuade her to leave or not to leave, but first ask: how is your finances after the divorce, can you support yourself and your children, and can you maintain the current standard of living.
To know from frugality into luxury, from luxury into frugality, some friends divorce, even if the other party will pay maintenance, the economy will often drop a grade, in this case, can you do calmly accept, and maintain emotional stability?
It is not that you must not leave if you can't do it, but when making a decision to divorce, you should, must, first consider this issue.
Back to Gu Ailing, as mentioned earlier, Gu Ailing's success has nothing to do with not being a single parent.
The problem of problem children is actually not related to single parents.
But the child of a single-parent family has a problem, because the label of single parent is too obvious on him, and people tend to attribute it to single parent.
Think about it, there are not many children in two-parent families, but will we say as soon as we hear it, oh, because his parents are not divorced, so he has problems?
No, we'll look for reasons elsewhere.
In fact, this is still a social prejudice.
A person's success is a multifaceted factor, the most important of which is the accumulation of talent and resources.
Needless to say, Gu Ailing's excellent genes, and Ms. Gu Yan's powerful mother and the rich resources of the family are the necessary conditions (not sufficient conditions) for Gu Ailing's success.
Similarly, a person's problems are also caused by many factors, and cannot be simply attributed to one aspect.
But it cannot be denied that single-parent families are indeed more likely to lead to the emergence of those problem factors.
So as a parent, to avoid children becoming problem children, the most important thing is to avoid the factors that cause problems, not just to avoid single parents.
Most things in the world are not simple causal relationships.
Gu Ailing is a single-parent family, but you can't say that single parenting is the reason for her success.
Just like you can't become Gu Ailing because you sleep for ten hours a day, you can also sleep ten hours to become Gu Ailing.
Similarly, there are children in single-parent families with various problems, and you can't say that single parents are the only cause of his problems.
I once read a survey of children who grew up in single-parent families, as well as children who grew up in families whose parents were not well connected but had not divorced. The question of the survey was how they viewed their parents' marriages.
The results of the survey present two extremes, with the child whose parents divorced saying that he really wanted his parents not to be divorced if he could;
But children whose parents are not in a good relationship but have been married all the time say they would rather their parents divorce sooner rather than be tied together like this.
Therefore, it is not necessary to leave it, depending on whether marriage still exists.
Whether it will be bad for the child after leaving depends on whether you have the ability to provide the necessary conditions for the child's growth.
I want to say that it is still the most important thing to make money. Money can't solve everything, but with money all problems are easy to solve.