What should a woman who has no sense of boundaries in her marriage do? Does this count as cheating?
Many men and women who like to cross the line and have no sense of boundaries like to say that the most popular justification is,
We're just friends. We have the freedom to make friends, can't we have friends when we get married?
What Jiaxin wants to say is that anyone has freedom,
But freedom is not about doing what you want, it's about self-restraint.
What should be done, what is done is to cross the line, is it really not counted?
No matter how much you say, it's all quibbles, and the absence of a sense of boundaries is not an innate flaw.
It's a kind of self-cultivated problem, if you don't change it if you have a problem, what do you have to quibble?
Some time ago, an original wife came to Jiaxin to complain.
said that her husband met a colleague who had no sense of boundaries and looked for her husband all day long.
This female colleague is not a junior, because there is no substantial development with her husband,
She jumped from another company, and she didn't know her husband at all at first.
But her husband belongs to a typical good old man, the type who will help anyone when he sees him in trouble.
So when I saw a female colleague moving things by herself in the elevator, I also helped directly.
The two of them got to know each other, and the female colleague began to trouble her husband in various ways.
Knowing that the two people live in the same direction, they want to take a ride,
Her husband's hitchhike is not a female colleague alone, there is also a male colleague,
Her husband couldn't refuse, so he pulled this female colleague along.
But the male colleague is given half of the fuel bill every month, and the female colleague never mentions it.
Why is it not cheating, because her husband also has some opinions about female colleagues.
I think she has a lot of things, and it's not like other people will express gratitude or something.
This original partner thought that her husband had a lot of opinions about female colleagues, and it was estimated that he would not develop anything.
But this female colleague began to do all kinds of green tea tricks and chatted with her husband,
All kinds of sharing life, her husband didn't reply at first, female colleagues whatever.
The back is because a female colleague suddenly said that she had been in the car for a few months, embarrassed or something,
I bought a pair of shoes for her husband, which her husband always wanted, but felt expensive and was reluctant to buy them.
Her husband looked like he had been bought by a female colleague a little bit, and he began to chat with female colleague in various ways.
On weekends, I also helped my female colleague move, and I thought there were other colleagues.
When I went home and asked, I learned that there were only these two people.
She was very upset and asked her husband why he was helping alone, and her husband said that he was just a friend, just a colleague or something.
When the original partners encounter this situation, the most difficult point is.
A female colleague may have meant this, but she didn't express it directly.
Even men have this mind, as long as nothing develops.
A man can always say that he is a colleague, and his wife is suspicious and thinks too much.
If your wife doesn't care, you don't know when it's going to develop into an extramarital affair.
My wife is very embarrassed, and she doesn't care about it, and she is very uneasy no matter what.
So what the hell should we do about this?
Jiaxin's suggestion is only one word, that is: tube!
Even if this kind of derailment is not reached, it is already out of bounds, and it is obviously out of bounds.
Whether it's a female colleague or her husband, whether she has the idea of cheating or not.
The idea of the two people crossing the line, and the behavior of crossing the line, are already there.
Especially this female colleague, and married men need to keep a proper distance,
Is she completely unaware? There's no way she doesn't know, she just doesn't care.
You don't need to think too much about the original match, just talk to this female colleague.
A private one-on-one chat, directly pointing out what you need her to do, and not being ambiguous.
You see what she says, how she does it, and then you decide what to do next.
Of course, there is also the question of the husband, what is the attitude of many men?
seems to be warm-hearted, but in fact, it is flirting everywhere, and the opposite sex who flirts has some thoughts.
They began to pretend to be upright again, looking like they were not taking the initiative, and they didn't actually refuse the initiative of others.
If the man really didn't have a little thought, he was given something by a female colleague.
His first reaction was definitely to avoid risk, not to be happy, and to further develop.
Men have no fewer problems than female colleagues, and the original partner also needs to talk to her husband.
Although it requires a certain amount of words, it is also necessary to directly say what you think and what you ask of him.
Don't say you don't want him to have continued contact with his female colleagues, you say he has to keep his distance from his female colleagues.
Sometimes directive words are more effective than consultation and suggestion.
He can't pretend he doesn't understand, and if he doesn't, he has a problem.
In the end, Jiaxin wants to say, many times it is not you who are cranky,
It's more likely that you don't think enough and you're less daring.
You obviously feel the discomfort of others crossing the line, but you still care about your face.
I'm always worried about whether I'm thinking too much, and I don't dare to care too much.
This leads to others having to test your bottom line and trample on your bottom line.
If you feel unwell, express it immediately and stop the other person's behavior.
If you don't work once, you will be more intense next time, and others will naturally not dare to touch your bottom line casually.
If you encounter similar emotional confusion and need to answer questions, you can follow Jiaxin and chat about your situation in private messages.
I'm Jiaxin, a marriage defender who focuses on the separation of third parties.