1, yesterday and friends came out of the Internet café, heard the two meimei there chatting. A woman said: When will you marry, I will drink your wine. Another woman said: When I have played enough, I will find one

1, yesterday and friends came out of the Internet café, heard the two meimei there chatting. A woman said: When will you marry, I will drink your wine. Another woman said: When I have played enough, I will find an honest person to marry! At this time, the buddies rushed up and said: When you have enough time, I can't wait!

2, the girlfriend is married at the age of forty, the other party is a single stick. Singleton: "How old are you?" The girlfriend said sheepishly, "Forty." Singleton: "You are in such good shape, why did you not marry until you were forty years old?" When the girlfriend heard the other party praise herself, she was angry and laughed: "People don't have time to marry when they read a doctorate."

3. The widower said to his daughter, "You know what? Our maid is getting married next week. The daughter said, "Thank goodness, this fierce woman is leaving us, I am so happy!" But don't know who she's going to marry? The father said, "The man she is going to marry is me." ”

4, my sister-in-law is very grumpy, my brother obeys her. This afternoon my nephew came home and did not write his homework well. So the sister-in-law taught her: You see your father, he looks bad, he has no money, why did your mother marry him? I just think that he has culture and ability, you study well, grow up, and marry a beautiful daughter-in-law like your mother in the future! As a result, the nephew looked at his sister-in-law with a frightened face: No more reading! Save yourself the future from getting angry!

5, my sister is thirty years old and still single, today she just came home and her mother began to nag again... The sister muttered impatiently: "Mom, how many times have you said it, I spend a lot of money, I don't marry if I don't have money, I can't hurt people!" I couldn't listen anymore: "I can't get married, get rid of a gold worshipper!" When my mother heard this, she turned to me and yelled, "Shut up, what qualifications do you poor boy have to make fun of a person who strives for an ideal?" ”

6, I have a crush on the waitress of the Starbucks café, some time ago I heard that her mother is seriously ill and needs 800,000 yuan for surgery. In order to get this money, the sister said: Whoever is willing to pay this money, I will marry whom! I immediately gave her the money, and we got married. After marriage, my wife gave birth to a baby girl, and we lived a happy life. Last night my girlfriend slept with us, and I slept with my girlfriend first, and my wife was on the Internet. So I heard the following dream words: Girl: Daddy, I want to eat good things. Me: I want to eat it myself and take it! Then, it's the sound of the daughter's mouth...

7. The supervisor was injured while working, and lost a male ability, and the president lost him 10 million yuan. The supervisor's wife especially disliked him, divorced him, and in order to be Mrs. Kuo, I married the supervisor. A few days after I got married, my supervisor pulled me to the movies. In the front row sat two girls, one with a large bucket of popcorn in his hand, who had been eating since the beginning of the movie. After eating, the two took out a large bag of melon seeds and began to sniff. I couldn't bear to say to the supervisor, "You put your shoes on!" ”

8. When I was in school at Tsinghua University, just after graduation, a beautiful woman borrowed me 100,000 yuan and said that she would pay me back in 3 days. Then I immediately transferred the loan to her. After 3 days, I sent a WeChat message saying: If you marry me, the 100,000 yuan will not need to be repaid, and I will hand you 20,000 yuan every month. Heck, needless to say, now I still smoke 5 bucks a day at Hardgate and squeeze the subway to work.

9, I have a female classmate to do ws, sell shampoo in the circle of friends, and then one day I asked her: "Is your product easy to use?" It can't be fake, right? The female classmate was very angry and said, "It's not good to use me to marry you!" As soon as I heard that people said this, it would definitely not deceive me, so I bought it directly, and after the result was used, dandruff came out, and I quickly found a female classmate theory, and the female classmate did not say that she went to my house to meet my parents on the same day, and had to fulfill her promise to marry me!

10, bought six bottles of Wuliangye, and five lotus cigarettes to follow his girlfriend home. After arriving, my girlfriend's little niece secretly asked me: "Uncle, do you want my aunt to marry you early when you buy so many good cigarettes and good wine?" I looked at the eccentric little girl, nodded my head, and said, "Little girl, you guessed it right!" The little girl looked around and no one said to me: "Uncle, in fact, you don't have to buy anything, yesterday my grandfather said that as long as there are blind people who look at my aunt, they have to marry my aunt." ”

11. I am a first-grade homeroom teacher, our school has a school bus, and once I sent students home as a car teacher! A super cool Maserati drove past us on the road, and the students in the car screamed in all kinds. I thought it was a good opportunity for education, so I said to the students: "You have also seen that you can only drive such a handsome car after studying well!" At this time, a bear child said: "Teacher, you are studying well, why are you still riding a battery car!" ”

12, a brother driving a BMW on the street, seeing a beautiful MM in front of him, busy performing the trick of bubble girls: first press the horn wildly, see that she can't attract her attention, and then take out a stack of hundred yuan bills to rotate on the fingertips, MM is still indifferent. In a hurry, he took out a box of gold and silver jewelry to display there, but MM accelerated his foot walk, saying while walking: "There are so many big money in this city, that is, the toilet is too difficult to find!" ”

13. One day, the husband and wife quarreled, and the husband slammed the door and left. In the evening, the wife dialed her husband's mobile phone. The husband said in a nonchalant manner, "Hello! Here is the service hotline. Bow your head and admit your mistake, please press 1; resolutely divorce, please press 2; if you want to hit someone, this desk will transfer 110 for you. The wife hung up the phone angrily. Late at night, the husband came home and found that the door was unlocked, and he could only dial his wife's mobile phone. Only to hear the wife say in a false voice, "Hello! Here is the "Who's Afraid of Whom" service hotline. If you want to go home, please kneel on the washboard on your knees, if you want to divorce, please use your knees to warm the fan; if you are unwell, this desk will transfer 120 for you. ”

14, last night to sleep late, today do not want to get up, just give the boss leave. Me: Leader, I'm not feeling well today and want to take a leave of absence in the morning. Boss: Seriously ill? If you don't need an injection, come to work, insist on sticking... Me: Need needles, almost all morning. Boss: Didn't fool me? When I came in the afternoon, I wanted to check the needle eye. I had a stroke of genius and said to the boss: Leader, it may not be convenient, the needle needs to spank that. Boss: It's okay, it's all big men, I don't mind what you mind? I: