1. The college entrance examination results came out, I scored 731 points, I did not expect to be the first place in our school. The same table called me and asked: I scored 685 points, how much do you have? I said sadly

1. The college entrance examination results came out, I scored 731 points, I did not expect to be the first place in our school. The same table called me and asked: I scored 685 points, how much do you have? I said sadly: I just took the test a little more than 700. Table Mate: That's also very good, your dad promised you that the Rolls-Royce arrived, right? Me: No, it's just a Maybach. Table Mate: Alas, I can only drive my Rolls-Royce, and I'm just 15 out of 5 to buy a Maybach!

2. Today and a female colleague went to the hotel to open a room, after the end of the matter she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much about it directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I said: "Is it your mobile phone, I have been waiting for an hour, now people love to lose mobile phones!" Then his husband weakly replied, "Oh thank you." "Give me a thumbs up for my wit."

3. Go to the wedding, the woman's mother asked for another 50,000 yuan before letting the daughter go! The buddy asked her girlfriend, "Are you going to follow me?" The woman said, "I listen to my mother!" "Dude, slammed the door and left. One of the girlfriends of the female bridesmaids came out, we are all from a school, and we usually play very well. The bridesmaid girlfriend caught up and said, "She doesn't marry, I marry!" "My buddies were stunned, wrapped up the bridesmaids and took the wedding car back to the hotel, and the woman was confused."

4. When I met my wife in the KTV, she was the staff there, and we fell in love at first sight. She is very pretty, especially with two little dimples when laughing, super cute! The son also inherited his wife's genes, and he also had two faint dimples when he laughed. One day the son asked: Mom, it is said that people with dimples laugh very good, what do you think? The wife rolled her eyes: "Pretty is called dimples, you are a pit at best!

5. Last night, the wife accompanied the sister-in-law to go on a blind date, and this time she failed again.

As soon as my wife came back, she kept scolding, and from her scolding, I finally understood the reason for the failure of the blind date.

It turned out that the man hated that the sister-in-law was too beautiful and had a good figure, and he was worried that one day the grass would be green on his head.

"Alas..." My wife sighed, looked at me and said, "Now what is this world, even pigs have begun to be picky eaters, is it that the cabbage that has been raised for more than twenty years has been smashed in the hand?" ”

6. When I was seven years old, my father and mother went to work at Foxconn, and then I went to live at my grandmother's house for half a year. My parents came back that day to pick me up, and I was very happy to see my parents coming from a distance. I trotted all the way to my father, who saw me and slapped me: Let you not touch the honeycomb, your eyes can't be opened! Why don't you sting to death? Grandma rushed up to my dad: That's fat! Baby is getting fat!

7. Take my son to the physical examination today, after the examination, I found that my son is O blood, the key is AB blood, and then the son's physical examination report also writes that the son is deaf and mute! I was surprised and asked my son what was going on. The son said: This is because the doctor always asks me some nonsense! Me: What questions did the doctor ask you? Son: Can the doctor hear me? I said I couldn't hear. The doctor asked me if I could say a word? I said I couldn't speak, and then he said I was deaf!

8. I have a classmate who has a crush on a boy for a long time and never dares to say hello head-on. As a result, one day I accidentally got the boy's WeChat signal, I took another mobile phone to register an account, and changed the avatar and name to the same as the boy's. Every morning and evening, I use this account to send "Good Morning, Dear", "Good Night, Baby" to my WeChat... When I learned of this, I was stunned by her wisdom...

9. Some time ago, my girlfriend chatted with me, and she has been very haggard lately. My girlfriend asked me: Do you think I am thin, can I raise fish in my collarbone? I told her: I'm thin too, and I can see my collarbone. She asked me to show her and looked at it for a while. Then calmly said: Well, honey, your collarbone is 80% shy, play hide-and-seek with me!

10. There is a male colleague in the company, the family is a demolition household, especially rich, Dunton Abalone wings belly. At the beginning of last week, it was found that he suddenly changed to a vegetarian diet, eating only green vegetables and tofu. I couldn't help but ask him, "Why are you determined to lose weight?" He said: "The day before yesterday the mobile company paid the bill, and his computer was stuck." I wondered: "What is his computer stuck about you?" The male colleague sighed and said, "The key is that the salesman said to me: Dude, let me, you are blocking my optical fiber signal." ”

11. Recently, the job is very unhappy, and the manager's requirements are increasing, so I plan to quit. I told my colleagues: "Finally, I don't have to be angry with this manager anymore, I will immediately hand in my resignation letter!" "After entering the manager's office, hand the resignation letter to the manager." The manager was happy when he saw it, patted me on the shoulder and said to me: "It seems that we are really inseparable, even we have chosen the same company!" "I:" ....."

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