1. Last night friends please go to KTV, everyone called a girl. The one sitting next to me was quite pretty, and in the middle she touched my handle and played with it, and sang a few songs together. At the end of her

1. Last night my friend invited me to KTV, and everyone called a girl. The one sitting next to me was quite pretty, and in the middle she touched my handle and played with it, and sang a few songs together. At the end, she put her face against my face and said a word: It is not easy to earn some money, don't come to this kind of place in the future, look at the cocoon on your hands, save some money for your sister-in-law and children.

2. On the bridge, a boy had already drunk eighteen bowls of Meng Po soup, and Meng Po saw it to stop him: Enough, don't drink, the boy was already crying and looking at Meng Po with red eyes, yelling at Meng Po, but I still haven't forgotten her! Meng Po said that she drank a bowl and forgot about you. Do you remember what she looked like? The boy cried and replied of course that she had a scar on her face that I will never forget. Meng Po said to drink another bowl. The boy fell asleep after drinking. Meng Po looked up at the sky. She nodded slightly, tears streaming from her eyes. A gust of wind blew, and the veil on Meng Po's face was blown off, revealing a scar...

3. My wife's girlfriend came to my house today to say that she was divorced because she was involved by a third party. Her husband I have seen, honestly paid, usually paid the salary, does not look like that kind of person. I asked, "Your husband is not handsome and has no money, so why is there still a little third?" Girlfriend: "Alas, usually too harsh on him, the third party bought him a cigarette and hooked him up!" "Wife, I suddenly feel that my pocket money is a little insufficient."

4. Whether the mother cooks well or not depends on fate.

On one occasion it was particularly difficult to swallow, but because of my mother's majesty, my father and I were full of praise.

Halfway through the meal, my dad and I received a call from a friend asking us to go out.

After 10 minutes, we tacitly met at the hotel downstairs.

Smiling at each other, we were about to eat when my mother came in.

The awkward moments are really like years!

5. I am 28 years old, I have not had a menstrual period, and I am scared but embarrassed to say it. Yesterday, I finally plucked up the courage to go to the hospital gynecological examination. When the gynecologist listened to my account, he sighed and said that it is normal for men not to menstruate. When I heard the doctor's advice and suppressed the worry in my heart for nearly 30 years, I finally let go, and I felt much more relaxed.

6. My girlfriend of three years ran away with a rich second generation who drove a Ferrari. I was particularly depressed, so I found the best brother to drink and relieve my sorrows. After three rounds of drinking, my brother said to me: Don't be sad, in fact, falling in love is like learning to ride a bicycle, when you don't learn, no matter how careful you are, you will fall blue and swollen. Me: What if I wait until I learn it? Brother: When you learn, you'll find that no matter what you do, you can't catch up with Ferrari.  

7. Working at a hot pot restaurant, a new front desk girl, formerly a flight attendant, fell in love with her at first sight.

Yesterday I plucked up enough courage to confess to her: "Beauty, I like you, can you be my girlfriend?" ”

She thought for a few seconds, then smiled and said, "Yes, tomorrow we will get married, and we will go to your house to meet your parents after work!" ”

I was so excited that I didn't expect the peach blossoms to come so suddenly! I asked, "It's like a dream, you're not kidding me, are you?" ”

Her: "You joked with me first!" ”

8. I am a graduate student in the Department of Computer Science at Tsinghua University and now teach at a private aristocratic school. The music teacher who ran today came to me: "My computer is infected with a virus, can you help me kill it?" I said no problem, then the art teacher pushed the door in, and when he heard about it, he said, "Help me kill it first!" The music teacher said, "My machine is here, kill me first." The art teacher said no, I hurriedly advised: "Don't worry, kill the music teacher first, don't kill her immediately after you kill her, you will be killed!" ”

9. The female manager of our unit took a nap, and I stole her mobile phone to send a group message: "I am pregnant." ”

Who expected the director to reply: "Sure, this is not a joke." ”

We were stunned to see the news, and the director replied: "The next step is to set up a big project, then you will not be responsible." "I feel like I'm in trouble.

10. When Fuerdai returned to China, he met his ex-girlfriend on the plane and found that the woman was always staring at him. Two minutes later, the girl whispered, "I think you look very familiar, very similar to my former boyfriend, and even talk like a voice!" Fu Er Dai said angrily, "You are lame! I'm your ex-boyfriend! The girl suddenly realized: "I'm sorry, it's really you!" ”

11. The boss's sister-in-law is 250 pounds, everyone calls her fat wife behind her back, and the boss thinks that she is fat and is also very cold to her. That day, the sister-in-law said: Doctor, I want to lose weight, what should I do? The doctor gave the sister-in-law a simple examination and then told her: You have stomach cancer and can only live for half a year! The sister-in-law broke down and cried and went home. After 8 months, the sister-in-law went to the follow-up clinic, she said: Don't you say that I can only live for half a year, why am I not dead? The doctor hesitantly said: That is a lie to you, but you have lost a lot of weight in the past 8 months!

12. During the May Day holiday, our company organizes a tour of the tourist area. We sat on the bus watching the tiger, and our boss said: Whoever dares to get out of the car and run a lap can still come up alive, I will give him 5 million. As soon as the words stopped, I saw a colleague jump out of the car and run around desperately. It was not easy to climb into the car, and everyone congratulated him on getting 5 million yuan. But I saw this colleague angrily ask: Who just pushed me out of the car? Looking back, I saw his wife laughing: You come back, I will collect money, you can't come back, I will change people. It turns out that behind every successful man, there is an excellent woman, and at the critical moment, she can still push you!

13. Yesterday I was busy working and found that there were 200 yuan of material money that was not reconciled! At this time, I found that my girlfriend and girlfriend always ran to my side to pick my dishes, which disturbed my thoughts and deleted them all in a lifetime. Calmly thought about it and added his girlfriend back. After a while, I heard my girlfriend ask: Mom, why don't you pick Daddy's vegetables? The girlfriend whispered: Don't steal, your dad is a cruel man.

#Funny##搞笑段子 #