1, today with the buddies to eat hot pot, he took out a bottle of wine, said to me: "Come, taste, this wine 82 years old." Then he asked his daughter, "Baby, what would you like to drink?" "His daughter

1, today with the buddies to eat hot pot, he took out a bottle of wine, said to me: "Come, taste, this wine 82 years old." Then he asked his daughter, "Baby, what would you like to drink?" His daughter: "Bring me a bottle of 82 years old wahaha!"

2, my mother just asked me: what do you do when you stare at your phone? I said: Grab the red packet. Mom said: How much can you grab? I said: Look at the technique, sometimes it is busy, sometimes a few cents to one or two yuan. Mom said: I'll give you 10 pieces, you go and brush the pot for me...

3, my mother asked me: What did I do when I was staring at my phone yesterday? I said: Grab the red packet. Mom said: How much can you grab? I said: Look at the technique, sometimes it is busy, sometimes a few cents to one or two yuan. Mom said: I give you 10 pieces, you go and brush the pot for me!

4, usually the husband does not like to go shopping, every time she goes shopping, the husband will find various reasons to escape. Once, she took a fancy to an air conditioner of 8,000 yuan, and when she swiped her credit card, she suddenly said to the cashier: "Give me 4 brushes!" After 5 minutes, her mobile phone rang, and her husband came to accompany her shopping for the first time. It turned out that her husband received text messages from credit card companies: the first time swiped 1,000 yuan, the second time 2,000 yuan, the third time 2,000 yuan, the fourth time 3,000 yuan.

5, my favorite goddess treats me as a spare tire, and after using me, she ruthlessly kicks me away. Today I met her and her boyfriend at dinner together, and her mobile phone was on the table. I pulled out my phone and sent her a message: It's time to give child support. As soon as her mobile phone lit up, her boyfriend took a look, broke the chopsticks on the spot, did not eat the meal, and left directly. Needless to say, I'm going to bring a small bench to watch!

6, the daughter-in-law is a twin, yesterday the daughter-in-law took me to her house, her sister is also there. When no one was there, her sister teased me: "Brother-in-law, do you dare to kiss me?" I shook my head. Her sister said coldly: "Give me 500 yuan of pocket money, otherwise, I will tell my sister that you kiss me!" In order to calm things down, I secretly gave her 500 yuan, but I didn't expect her to take the money, slapped me twice, and scolded: "I beat you for two reasons, first, you actually hid private money, second, I put on my sister's clothes, you don't even know me!" Me: "Wife, I was wrong!" ”

7, yesterday the mother found the father's hidden private money in the sofa seam at home, and the two had a quarrel at home. Dad didn't panic at all, and directly shook his mother's eyes, and his mother pointed directly to the balcony: You give me to kneel and go over there to reflect! At this time, my sister just finished writing her homework and came out of the room, and my father seemed to see the savior's eyes glowing, and hurriedly shouted: Girl... When my sister looked at it, she turned and walked into the kitchen and said, "Daddy is so old, how can he get on his knees?" The mother thought it was right, so she said to the father: Look at the face of your daughter and let you go first. After a while, my sister took a durian out of the kitchen and handed it to my father: Yes, use this cushion to avoid getting cold.

8 In the dining room, a chubby woman watches a lady eating. The woman summoned the waiter and asked, "What did that girl eat?" The waiter said, "Oh, the diet meal!" "Then bring me two diet meals!"

9, Valentine's Day male ticket kissed me, smashed his mouth and said: "So sweet"! I bowed my head shyly, and the second male ticket continued to ask, "Why is it so sweet?" Wouldn't it be diabetes? EMMM...... Bring me a broomstick, and the laborers will beat him to death!"

10, just paid 5,000 yuan salary, my wife in order to celebrate, driving Maserati to take me to dinner. The restaurant was over, and the two girls next door were chatting. One girl said, "My husband spent $500,000 yesterday to buy me a ring. The other girl was full of envy and said, "Your husband is so nice." Who knew that the girl said with a sad face, "Unfortunately, you can't wear it until level 100!" ”

11, everyone says that married men have no dignity, I am different, I say one my wife does not dare to say two! For example, the day before yesterday, when I was visiting the mall, my wife said to me: "Husband, beach pants are only 9 yuan 9, buy you a strip!" I immediately objected: "Wife, I only wear that for 5 years, the new one is very, I can wear it for another 5 years, don't buy it!" "The wife did not dare to speak on the spot!

12, as a man, at home, I hold the economic power, as long as I do not agree, the wife absolutely does not dare to buy, for example, the day before yesterday to visit the mall, the wife said to me: "Husband, beach pants only 9 block 9, buy you a bar" I objected on the spot: "Wife, I only wear that for 5 years, the new is very, I can wear it for another 5 years, no need to buy!" "The wife did not dare to speak on the spot!

13, the first year, the sister-in-law said: "Brother-in-law, your iPad is very good!" "Her sister gave her the iPad. The next year: "Brother-in-law, your IBM is fine!" "Her sister gave her IBM. The third year: "Brother-in-law, you are a very good person!" "I'm waiting for her sister to speak.

14. In junior high school, the neighbor had a foreign relative who would come to China every summer to play. One year the foreign kid asked me to teach him Chinese kung fu, so I taught him a whole set of broadcasting cao, and the next year, he came to China again, and when he saw me, he gave me a big hug, saying that no one on his side dared to bully him now...