1, and colleagues to eat barbecue, the hostess brought a few strings of grilled leeks, we said wrong, did not order this. The lady boss handed the dish to the boss and said: Alas, I have misremembered the list again, you eat it. boss

1, and colleagues to eat barbecue, the hostess brought a few strings of grilled leeks, we said wrong, did not order this. The lady boss handed the dish to the boss and said: Alas, I have misremembered the list again, you eat it. The boss muttered angrily: "You mean it, didn't you?" I've eaten a dozen leeks tonight.

2, just arrived home from work, the nephew of the first grade ran to me and asked: Uncle, do you think it is difficult to get homework or women? I paused and told him that women should be harder to handle. After listening to it, the nephew muttered that I think so, that both girls in the class were going to chase me, and they couldn't decide how to refuse. I......

3. After living together with her wife for a day, she became pregnant, and six months later her daughter was born. Now that my daughter is five years old, I paid her to sign up for a music class. Today I went to pick her up from school, she muttered all the way: before my brother was not at home, I often stole his snacks, today I am not at home, he must also steal my food, my brother can eat so much, must have eaten all the snacks... As soon as she entered the house, she suddenly cried, grabbed her brother and beat her...

4. Two prisoners chatting in the cell. A asked B, "Are you married?" B: "Married twice, but both wives are dead." A: "How did you die?" B: "The first wife ate poisonous mushrooms." A: "What about the second one?" B: "Died of a ruptured head." A: "It's terrible, what the hell is going on?" B: "She refuses to eat poisonous mushrooms." ”

5, today is playing PUBG, my mother ran to my side to play mobile phone. The mother suddenly pointed to a piece of news and said: "You see, I have already said it, although the onion is rich in nutrients, but the dog will be poisoned when it eats it." I asked curiously, "We don't have any dogs, so it's okay to eat." My mother looked at me, was silent for a while, and said, "I don't dare to take any risks, wait until you have a girlfriend." ”

6. Solemnly warn all tourists who want to come to our place to travel, wild mushrooms are really dangerous! However, it is regarded as a Yunnan specialty. I know a buddy who has to try it, and just after eating a little, he was poisoned and hallucinated. Funny to say, what is his hallucination, fantasizing that he is a big cup of milk tea. On the way to the hospital, I kept shouting: What about my lid? He also pressed the top of his head and said: Slow down, I'm going to sprinkle!

7, the neighbor Uncle Wang is 103 years old, passed away today, my grandfather grew up with him, grandpa knew the news and said angrily: "Silly hat, did not listen to me at the beginning, told him that the toad is poisonous, not that frogs can not eat, he does not believe, now the toxic attack is dead!" I was shocked: "When did Uncle Wang eat the toad?" Grandpa whispered, "The summer of 17 years old!" ”

8, the neighbor's grandfather is more than sixty years old, a lifetime of whispering, raising flowers and birds, the daughter-in-law is particularly powerful, he can't fight back and scold! Some time ago, I was unwell to go to the examination, and the doctor said that it was suspected of uremia! When he got home, the grandfather cried loudly, scolded his daughter-in-law, smashed the things in the house, the birds flew, and the flowers were pulled. Today the doctor said that the misdiagnosis, but the kidney is a little problem, the grandfather cried more sad!

9, if your husband cheated. You'll have to learn how to cook. To capture the heart of a man. Grab his stomach first. For example, you peel an orange for him and make him seafood later. Let him be chronically poisoned. Another example is to make him a cup of honey water, and then make shallots and tofu for lunch. Make him more and more deaf. Man cannot be killed. So he can only try to help him eat his own faults. Believe me, as long as you are willing to work hard, there is no revenge in this world that cannot be repaid

10, there is a melon farmer in the village whose watermelon field is patronized by thieves every night, he thinks for a long time, and finally thinks of a good way. He wrote a sign: "One of these watermelons is highly toxic!" "Sure enough, I didn't lose another watermelon since day 2. But a week later. He saw an extra line on the sign. The whole body was half cold on the spot! The sign reads: Now there are 2...

11) Watching social networks can make us feel worse. Researchers from two Universities in Germany say browsing perfect photos of friends through social network media can also trigger feelings of jealousy, bitterness and loneliness. Scientists studied 600 people who regularly browsed social networks and found that a third felt worse after visiting social networks, especially if they looked at photos about vacations.

12. After graduating from the vocational college, my friend found me a state-owned enterprise to work, probably because my personal ability is more outstanding, after five levels and six generals, and finally reached the last level, the operation manager interviewed alone. The manager looked at my resume for a long time, and then said quietly: I know your father! I was overjoyed that I still had this relationship! Then the manager went on to say: It was the one who bullied me and beat me all day when I was in school. My heart clattered, and I wanted to turn my head and leave. The manager then sighed and said: Come to work tomorrow! I'm more confused now, whether to go or not to go?

13, today's son teacher sent me a text message, saying that today she did not assign homework, my son is not at ease, after class a strong asked her if she forgot, how can there be no homework on the weekend, the teacher was annoyed to give him a separate homework. So he has homework alone in the class!

14, the cousin looks thirty, the conditions are not bad, every time after the kiss, about once or twice, definitely yellow. This weekend, pull my daughter-in-law to watch a movie with her, and when she came back, my daughter-in-law said to me: "Your cousin's taste is really unique, people watch a movie to buy a melon seed popcorn or something, she holds two large boxes of stinky tofu to eat, a movie theater person is all there looking for who to take off their shoes?" Shame on you. ”