Text/Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
01. Import
The recent news, very shocking, a news of an executive's domestic violence against his wife, the picture is very scary, and will not be repeated here. This has to make us pay attention to a strange phenomenon in the relationship.
That is, why do many girls, after marrying a phoenix man, finally get not doubled love, but double hatred? I read a lot of big V's comments on this matter, and I agree with the view of the lord of the flower opening in my spare time.
Some phoenix men's favor will take revenge, in fact, it is bad in their bones, they will not be grateful for their wives' efforts to them, on the contrary, the generous efforts of their wives will exacerbate their "victim malice".
Generally speaking, after a normal person is helped, he will definitely be grateful to the person who helps him, but people with extreme personality do not necessarily think so, but they will see their own incompetence, cowardice and inferiority in the process of being helped, so he feels that the person who helps him is giving him charity, his self-esteem will not be able to stand, so he will have malice towards the person who helps him, and when this malice accumulates, it will often be reflected in the family.
In reality, we have to know that such a phoenix man is rare, such as Chunsheng in "The Journey of No Confusion", he is not such a heinous character, he has ambition, but his heart is still good, then there is no big problem, and finally Lao Zhuo is also relieved to entrust his daughter to him, isn't it?
In fact, who to marry, there will be problems, but in marriage, those normal phoenix men's problems, how should we solve it?
02. Case (Authorized)
Hello Mei Niang, I am 32 years old, married for 6 years, my husband is a phoenix man, my husband is still very good to me in general, but the only thing that makes me unacceptable is his violent temper.
To say that it is good for me, it is really good, housework he takes care of it all, I cook he thinks I do not do as good as he does, I mop the floor think I can't drag clean, so I don't do anything at home, but he doesn't complain a little, and he enjoys it, the key cooking is really good, every time he makes a good meal, all put on the table and then call me, which makes me feel very happy.
After so many years of marriage, birthday gifts have not been left behind, every year is a surprise, I myself think this is very rare, after all, it is not the time to fall in love.
To be honest, if you only say that he is good, he is really a good man in the world. Over the years, the reason why I have been able to endure his fiery temper is also because I think he is still good when he is good, and I am not as familiar with him, but recently it seems that his temper is getting bigger and bigger.
To give a simple example, you can't say that his family is not good at all, as long as he says it, he will explode immediately. It doesn't matter if I make sense. For this reason, we don't know how many times we have quarreled, although he is soft, but it is indeed very hurtful to be emotional. I know I won't divorce him because of this, but isn't that a problem in the long run? I hope Mei Niang will help me, can you change his temper?
03. Mei Niang said
Dear, hello, seeing your case, I really think your husband is much stronger than the old Yang of my family. When I first married Lao Yang, he was not only my family that I couldn't talk about, I just said that he had a dog and a chicken in his family, and he had to be anxious with me, I thought it was very strange, think about it, I am a very objective evaluation! And sometimes I will complain about my family's troubles, and I will also spit on my parents! Why can't he say a word about anything in his house!
Later, when I was casually chatting with him, he told me about his family's previous experiences, and I understood his excessive sensitivity. His family in the village is a single-door household, then compared with many of the big families in the countryside, it is natural to be very weak, in the early years, his family did not have sons, they were all girls, naturally they were bullied, many bullying is for no reason, there is no place to reason, and many emotions are naturally held in his heart.
Later, he was admitted to college, and his personality was still very introverted, and he cared about the evaluation of him and his family by others, which was all due to the inferiority in his bones and the unfair treatment in his early years.
After understanding this, I became a lot more rational, and I thought that as an intimate partner, you should see what is behind his emotions. Generally speaking, use your emotions to identify the other person's emotions and respond to his emotions with the right emotions, and his emotions will be truly seen and accepted, and being seen is the beginning of healing.
But if I am a woman who only has herself in her heart, a woman who does not really understand the hidden pain in her heart, a woman who always thinks only about her own sorrow and joy, then I think our relationship will never get better.
Marriage will promote our growth, and we will change from a little girl who does not know the world to a high-level woman who knows how to recognize the emotions of her partner.
So in the face of the out-of-control him, in the face of his emotional explosion. Don't jump in a hurry, don't be sad, you have to accept and respond with the right emotions.
Bending down, smiling, accompanying him, touching his head, and saying to him, "My words are heavy, you must not take them to heart, now I take my words back, okay?" ”
He is emotional, you have to be emotional, but his sensibility is negative, your sensibility must be positive, so that it will neutralize his emotions, rather than let the emotions worsen and explode.
Note that your gentle eyes, gentle movements, tiny looks, and soft gestures are all very important, and smart women should construct a situation that is easy to communicate with so that he will feel truly accepted.
Don't reason with him, don't try to explain your own carelessness, you have to admit that you hurt him, you have to try to reduce the harm you have done to him, you have to let him know that you care about him, love him, and your mistakes will be changed.
Don't let him have a seizure without giving him a little step, if you want to really change him, you have to capture his heart first, and when he willingly walks into the situation you healed, you are half successful.
After such a few times, when your mood is particularly good, you can communicate with him rationally, let him understand that your life has changed a lot later, you have already worked hard to get out of those situations, and the current years are the best reward for the previous sadness, so do you care so much about the old things in the past?
Spinoza says:
"The human heart is conquered not by force, but by love and tolerance."
Conquer a man, attack the heart.
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I am Mei Niang, your most intimate emotional counselor, if you have emotional confusion, please send me a private message, Mei Niang will take you out of the confusion.