Wen \Xiao Yao, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
01. Import
Since the broadcast of "All Is Good", Su Daqiang was questioned by his son Su Mingcheng: "Then what does she want you?" Figure you old, figure you don't take a bath? "All of a sudden it was on fire. Why? Because although Su Mingcheng has his own small calculations, he also did tell a truth, that is, women marry men, especially with men with various problems, then she must be trying to make money.
Didn't the emotional mentor Yishu also say it before?
"I want a lot of love, and if there is no love, then I want a lot of money."
Do you want a lot of money, all because women worship gold? Of course not. There are many men who will complain that women worship gold, but I don't know whether the men who complain about women worshiping gold have thought about it, if this man wants to look good, to be incompetent, to be considerate and considerate, then if a woman wants to marry you, she does not worship gold, what should she worship? Bye don't you take a bath?
This kind of man is never self-aware, always arrogant, and the case of a reader we are going to talk about today has something in common with this kind of man, but also has his particularity.
I think his case is very representative, let's go into the case together.
02. Case (Authorized)
Mei Niang, hello, maybe many of your readers are women, and I am a man, the reason why I write to you is actually because of my current girlfriend and an ex-girlfriend, I have read your articles to them, and I have also told me about your article views. Although many of them I don't agree with, I see that they have always felt that you are right, so I would like to use your platform today to talk about my views and my troubles. It would be best if they saw that they could reflect on it, and I hope that Mei Niang can publish my letter.
My name is Qingyun (pseudonym) I was born in a small town in the north, my parents run a commissary, of course, now called a supermarket, I have a sister above, my parents lost the original "iron rice bowl" in order to give birth to my son, they were all rare cultural people in the village and town.
However, my parents never regretted it, after all, their ideas and concepts are very traditional, and my arrival made them feel worthy of their ancestors.
I was also very contentious, obedient and sensible since I was a child, and my academic performance has always been far ahead of other students, so I was admitted to a 985 university in the south during the college entrance examination, which was a long face for them.
However, after I got to college, I learned that it is not enough to study well, because in the future, it will rely on personal connections and flexibility in society. Compared with many of my classmates, I am a phoenix man. Therefore, my college grades were not very good, just barely hung up, but I joined a lot of clubs, met a lot of friends, and later made a local girlfriend with fairly good family conditions.
I originally wanted to use the connections in my girlfriend's family at that time to stay in the big city, who ever wanted to graduate, my girlfriend at the time said that her family did not support us to fall in love, saying that if I wanted to be with her, I could only rely on myself first. Although she said that she was willing to fight with me, the reason why I sought her out as my girlfriend was not to use the strength of her family? And, though she didn't say it, the subtext was that I had to make enough money to marry her so that her family could accept me as a poor son-in-law.
Joke. If I had so much money, how could I possibly pursue her? She also doesn't weigh her own weight worth it. So, my first girlfriend just broke up.
Later, I found a job in the city on my own, and later I also took out a loan to buy a house. Of course, I can't afford to buy a house on my own income, and most of my down payment is still given by my parents, plus the support of my three sisters.
With a house, and a good job, I thought that I could finally find a wife who would pay off the mortgage with me and be filial to my parents, and be diligent and thrifty, but what I didn't expect was that the girls now are more realistic than one, no matter what kind of situation is introduced, they are first asked about the house and asked about the work, what is the end of the question, and finally have to explain that they will not live with the elderly in the future.
They also like to buy clothes, bags and cosmetics, in fact, the money can obviously not be spent, but in order to make them happy, I have to pretend to be willing. There are also this festival and that anniversary, too many to remember, in fact, to put it bluntly, do not you want to take the opportunity to ask for money and gifts? However, even if I break up with this one, the next one I find is still similar to the previous one.
My fifth girlfriend is now on the verge of breaking up, she is paid more than me, and she is very beautiful, and her temper is good, if she is willing to be as virtuous as the previous woman, I think our lives should be good.
Unfortunately, when she said that if she wanted to pay the mortgage together, she would add her name to the house, I knew that she was the same as everyone else, and she was worried about the house that my family had worked so hard to buy. And she also said that if she had children after marriage, then my salary would have to be given to her. Why, she will not do anything at home with her children, I work hard to earn money to support the family, she actually wants to get my salary card.
I wondered, why are girls now so greedy for money and so worshipful of gold? Isn't there the kind of virtuous and good woman that used to be? Have times changed, or are good women really gone? I've had five girlfriends in three years and I'm really tired. What am I going to do?
03. Mei Niang said
Hello, thank you for your trust in me, your letter may have spoken out the voice of many men, although many men now just think so, but forced by the situation, they dare not speak as bluntly as you.
I've read your letters many times, and with all due respect, it's hard for you to find a girlfriend who fits your heart. Because the kind of woman you ask for, there are very few in the world.
You want a woman to be well-educated, and you need her to be frugal enough; you want her to be very virtuous and give you enough freedom.
But you know what? You want women to be frugal, don't buy things randomly, but the red packets and the like are things that make women confident and attractive, you think she buys these things is to spend money indiscriminately, but in fact, a girl who grew up in the city, these things are daily necessities, especially girls with a good family background, they have never been short of materials, if you even send them this little must-have thing, I really think you are too picky.
If you eventually marry them and want to use the resources of other people's families, but you don't want to give anything, then why do people want to help the poor? Your first girlfriend, she did not give up on you, on the contrary, she pointed out a clear path for you in the case of family opposition, but also to fight with you, this is already a very good girl, but you feel that people should support you first, why?
You want to marry Bai Fumei advanced, you don't feel that you are high, but you have not thought, they are with you, what is the picture? Most of them will try to love, but you may not even spend a little money, and you still manage your head and feet, asking for this and that, this is love? hehe. Why did their family help you for no reason? You don't give enough sincerity, like an empty glove white wolf!
Let's talk about the virtuous woman you crave. This is also an unrealistic dream, most of the women who are very virtuous and patronize the family grew up in ancient times, and now rural girls are not necessarily virtuous. Why aren't women virtuous anymore? Because women have no basis for virtuousness, in the past women were virtuous, that is because her husband earned money outside, the only thing she had to do was to teach her husband and teach her children, she was not virtuous, she could be suspended, so most women were deeply influenced by feudal ideas, and were subject to the low economic status, she had to be virtuous.
If you want a woman who is a little virtuous, like your current girlfriend, she earns more than you, and she doesn't dislike you, she should be a little virtuous, then she will definitely ask you to give up part of your freedom, such as handing over your salary card to you, why? Because if she is very virtuous, then naturally she will do more work at home, and her work will be affected, but if you have enough freedom and no weakness in her hands, once she is abandoned by you, her end will be very tragic.
That's why she'd love to have your money in her hands, wouldn't she? But you are not willing, you both hope that she will make more money, but also hope that she will take more care of the family, then she is a three-headed and six-armed Sun Wukong! And what did you give in this marriage? Just want to sit back and enjoy it?
Finally, I'd like to analyze the root causes of what you always feel women worship for gold.
First of all, boys who grew up in patriarchal homes can easily look down on women.
From your letter, it can be seen that your parents will not hesitate to lose their public offices in order to have their sons, but also to buy a house for you, not only to drain their own savings, but also to make their three daughters become "brother demons". Growing up in such an environment, you may not think that a woman should live out herself, but should just be a husband and teach your son to be filial to your in-laws. But what era is this, thanks to you or a good talent who has gone to college! Are the outstanding students in your department all boys? Are the teachers also men?
But you are very contradictory, you want women to make money, but at the same time you want them to be talentless and virtuous, and they are bent on building your family, but a woman with thinking, culture and work, how can they accept this injustice!
Second, you don't understand love, and you don't understand marriage.
What is love? Is it a kind of mutual pleasure, a feeling that after seeing each other, there is an irrepressible urge to give and give, do you have this feeling? Obviously not, so love is actually a very noble emotion. Without love, we don't demand you, but what about marriage? Marriage is about reciprocity and mutual benefit, and you don't seem to understand it at all, and in your accusations, I only see that you always ask of others, but never ask of yourself.
You not only ask women to be diligent and thrifty, but also women to work to earn money, you not only want women to pay your mortgage with you, but also women are not allowed to add names, you not only ask women to have children, but also ask women not to spend your money.
Writing this, a sentence from a sketch by Zhao Benshan suddenly popped up in my head: You are the earth, and others have to revolve around you. So, Qingyun, you tell me, you say that women worship gold, you say that there are no good women, are you too demanding of others? You want all the benefits, and you don't want to pay any price!
Maybe you will say that a good woman should not worship gold, and a good woman should pay more attention to the quality and character of men. Well, as you wish, for example, there is such a woman, she does not worship gold at all, she is not poor for you, she is still willing to work hard to earn money to improve the situation at home, but she is very ugly, the kind of ugliness that you will be laughed at by relatives and friends when you take it out, and she is born unable to have children, so let you marry such a woman, are you willing?
You're sure to object, even outraged. Because in your heart, you don't just ask this woman not to worship gold, you also ask her to be good at everything, you feel that you are worthy of all the women who are better than you. So, in fact, what you care about is not whether women worship gold or not, but whether they can exchange the lowest "cost" for the greatest benefit. So you're angry, you're disappointed.
However, you have to understand that this society is no longer the society in which men were inferior to women, and women are no longer obedient to men, and if you really don't want to make a fundamental change in your thinking, then you will enjoy a lifetime of loneliness in this life.
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