Wen \ Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
01. Import
There is a classic line in "The Hunting Ground":
"The cost of girls being childish is high, and it's best to end it at the age of love." Otherwise, you will lose the good time and countless opportunities, exchange a few sympathies at most, and when you come back, the corners of your eyes will be full of wrinkles. ”
Yes, some people, the longer you love, the more difficult it is to give up, and the more difficult it is to give up, the more you drag yourself more miserable, because there is no future between you, you may not want to get married, but the older you get, the more you will find the benefits of marriage, the disadvantages of not getting married, but if you change your mind, want to get married, you think you are low, but then you find out that you are climbing high. Because the other party has never thought of marrying you, and you have been spending time with him for a long time, the disappointment can only be yourself, because that person has never thought of being responsible for you to the end.
Do you still have to spend it? Some people say it costs me, because I want men to pay some price for me! Is such a law desirable? Advanced cases.
02. Case (Authorized)
Former love review: Female readers and a man who faked divorce in order to buy a school district house had an extramarital affair, miscarried him many times, and the man treated her well, but the difference in the identity class of the two people is too large, so it is impossible to be together in the future, the female reader knows that there is no future, but still because she feels that the two people have a good relationship and do not want to separate.
Follow-up letter: Thank you Teacher Mei Niang, I just read your reply, your suggestion is the truth! You seem to see through my psychology and give me very comprehensive explanations and suggestions! I thank you so much for reading my private messages in your busy schedule!
And I am not a hopeless woman, I know that I am wrong, I also know how I should choose, how to face the rest of my life, but I do not know how to end this extramarital relationship, I have to tell you, he is with me, it is really happy.
You said those comforting words he said to me, is a conscience of shame, or want to possess me for more than a few years and said beautiful words to me, I thought about it, I think it is quite right, I think these two mentalities do have, I actually know in my heart what kind of person he is, how to treat me, he is a kind person, so because he has not been able to give me marriage, he will feel guilty about me, but also a person with a conscience, because I have miscarried him many times and can't bear it, but he is also a greedy person. So want to take advantage of the fake divorce to possess me for a few more years! I didn't understand this until I listened to your analysis.
Just this year, when the economic conditions permitted, he bought me a small house to live in in a new first-tier city, and the name was written on me alone, saying that he would send it to me as a future guarantee! I am very grateful, but now if I mention separation, I can't guarantee that he will be willing to give it to me, then if I don't give it to me, I will give 7 years of youth and health in vain, and eventually lose both people and money, isn't it even more miserable?
But if I don't let go, I may be even more miserable, hey, how do I end this relationship? I actually thought about getting some compensation, I was really too greedy, wasn't it? But after all, I once gave everything without hesitation, and now if nothing is left, how will I live the rest of my life? Please Teacher Mei Niang help me, I am really helpless! Thanks! Just pity me! Even if I am scolded by you, I am willing.
03. Mei Niang said
Reading your letters, I also fell into a kind of confusion, I have dealt with many female readers like you, they want to get out of the extramarital affair, they will mention this problem, that is, if I break up with him, what if he does not give me money?
I asked, "Why did he give you money?" They would reply, "Because I risked my reputation with him!" ”
I said to them, "Although the bad effects of the reputation of men and women's extramarital affairs are indeed different, and women will bear more, but you are an adult, and your relationship is voluntary, then he has no responsibility to pay for you unless you admit that you are a commodity." ”
They stopped ringing. Let's all think about it, if they deserve compensation, then what is the original match? Why, during the marriage period, do the original couples have to bear the doom of being deceived by men, and also bear the division of the couple's common property by women outside? Is that the case, you say?
Your repeated miscarriages are caused by your own lack of love for yourself, as long as the man does not force you, then he apologizes to you is enough, and the original partner has no obligation to pay for your misconduct, when you can think so, I think you can understand that you have no right, you will be compensated, and if you can get it, it is really a man who has a conscience for you, and a big pie has fallen on you in the sky.
Why don't I stand in your shoes and work for your benefit? Rather, to argue that you are not actually entitled to these? The real reason is, I think, deep down you don't want to leave him, you just want to use this to delay your breakup with him.
Women who really want to leave men, just break the connection directly, the disconnection is the best way to break up, the man gives or does not give, she did not complain. I know that in your heart, you must feel that of course it is good, otherwise you are too much of a loss.
But any gift from God comes at a price, and are you sure that if you receive this gift, will you still be able to live an ordinary and hard life? Hardly. Rich materials, intoxicating romance, are all things that will make women unable to extricate themselves, when you do not have the confidence of life, how can you ensure that you do not slide into the abyss of lust again?
Therefore, even if this man agrees to give this house to you, and he does not take it back when you break up, you will still hesitate, and if he takes the initiative to break up with you, your ending will not be good, because if you let you live on your own, you will not be able to stand those hardships.
In this way, you will understand your true psychology and situation: first, you do not want to break up, you lack the confidence to live independently; second, after this house is taken, it will only be detrimental to your real independent and free life in the future.
You say, what should you do?
To enhance the bottom, this is the right way, there is no bottom, breaking up and breaking the connection is delusional, really divided, but it is just one more opportunity to fall into the next abyss.
When the writer Lao She was young, once he saw a neighbor's family killing pigs for the New Year and eating fresh meat dumplings, he asked his mother, Mom, is the fresh meat dumplings delicious, or our family's vegetable dumplings delicious?
Mom replied: "Use the money you earn to buy noodles and cut meat, and the dumplings are kneaded by yourself, so they are delicious, and they are delicious and hard." ”
Well, a person must understand from an early age that people must live their own, because in this way they will cultivate themselves into a body, and with the ability, they have the foundation to settle down, of course, this needs to pay a price, time, energy, hard work, but the benefit is always themselves.
And if you don't want to do that, you'll end up living a life of sniffling, but honey, that's a price to pay, and that's even greater, that's your personality, your dignity, your freedom.
Zhang Jiajia wrote in "Passing Through Your World":
"Like it or not, love or not, fit or not, not together, can't live together, have no name, can't go on, is seven things." 」
For many people, they think that these seven things are completely different, they take up a few and think that it is love, but it is really not, really happy people, are going to turn these seven things into one thing, like love, love makes it suitable, suitable together, live together, live together will definitely give each other a name, and then hold the hand of the son and the son with the old, so much good, dear, you also deserve to have such happiness, do not live up to this life because of good and bad work.
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I am Mei Niang, your most intimate emotional counselor, if you have emotional confusion, please send me a private message, Mei Niang will take you out of the confusion.