Parents do not want their children to be smarter and healthier.
But the actual situation is that some parents' attitudes and actions towards some things directly affect the child's growth confidence and behavior, but "secretly" make the child stupid.
Especially the following 4 things, quickly compare you among them?
1
Lots of negative cues
I often hear a word from parents around me:
You look at the children of so-and-so, good grades, love labor, you look at you, how are you so stupid.....
In this way, "children are stupid" has become the mantra of some parents, who obviously do not realize the disadvantages, and even talk about it with love.
In fact, even if parents joke and joke, it will have a negative impact on children, because many children cannot distinguish the deeper meaning of parents, and what they receive is "stupid" information.
When the child subconsciously appears to think that he is inferior to others, when the child is drowned in high frequency of negative cues, how can he not believe that he is really stupid?
2
Often complain about life in front of children
Children are still young, and values have not yet been formed. If a parent often complains in front of his child, it is tantamount to prematurely putting the child under pressure that should not be borne at his age.
Other mothers try to motivate their children with "complaining" words, saying to their children:
Mom quit her job all for you, in order to accompany you well, there is no time to go out to play, you are not good at reflecting, you know to play...
This kind of complaint is more, the child will not only not be self-motivated, but because he has added so much annoyance to his mother, he has become self-blame and even inferior.
Some people say that parents complain in front of their children, just like letting their children smell second-hand smoke, and the children have to inhale these negative emotions into their own bodies, while being subtly affected.
Let them feel powerless as soon as they encounter difficulties, and complain and give up when they encounter big obstacles. So, your child is getting "stupid", perhaps unrelated to IQ.
Parents should first examine themselves, usually show more to their children is the positive side or the negative side, has it passed on the positive energy of life to the child?
3
Suppress your child's tears
Crying is a very annoying thing, especially parents, hearing children crying, all kinds of negative emotions pouring into the head: irritation, uneasiness, anger, anxiety, self-blame, especially in public, it is almost like everyone is staring at you, saying: What are you doing with your parents?
So, when a child cries, we instinctively intimidate the child to stop crying. I thought, as long as the child does not cry, the trouble will pass and the matter will be solved.
In fact, you don't know: Crying is a healing process for human beings to heal themselves.
Especially for boys, many parents will say, boys, do not cry, do not show up, etc. to stop him from crying.
As everyone knows, letting children become manly is not achieved by suppressing his emotions, learning to make him realize that he must be strong and responsible is the most important.
In the process of children's growth, negative emotions can not be vented and alleviated for a long time, accumulating over time, how can he remain smart and clever, well-behaved and sensible?
4
Disrespect the child's efforts
Many mothers feel that the child is small, housework, when the child expresses that he wants to help his parents and try to do something, some parents are always afraid that he will not be able to complete and refuse;
There are also mothers who give their children a lot of advice before the child has even started;
Although some people let the child do it, because the child stumbled when doing things, they were impatient to do it for the child, and then left the next sentence: "I will come, you still can't do it."
Negating the child's efforts and extinguishing the child's hopes.
In this way, in the child's heart, it is the parents who ultimately succeed, not themselves. In the future, once you encounter something that needs to be faced independently, you will be at a loss and will only ask your parents for help.
Remember, the responsibility of parents is not to pave the way for their children, but to help them grow. Allowing children to try and respecting children's efforts is to let children have the courage and confidence to face the ups and downs of life after leaving their parents' shelter.
You see, behind every "stupid" child, there is often a mother who does everything in detail, and in the child's life, the parents are all-encompassing, exhausted but cannot raise good children. Why bother?
What do parents think?
I felt it after reading it