Mothers with low self-esteem cannot teach confident children

Hello everyone, I am the circle owner Hua Chuan (Chuan Ma), who has a son and a daughter. He studied in Europe and is a positive parent correctional instructor in the United States. Here to share with you the knowledge of second child pregnancy, childbirth, childcare, as well as the parent-child education experience of their own two treasures.

Last night, a mother left me a WeChat message, wanting to ask for advice on encouraging her child's "words", she said that she felt that her 9-year-old daughter was very lacking in self-confidence and was not interested in doing anything.

Because I was busy answering questions in the parent class group and did not reply in time, the mother sent a few long messages and poured out her mental journey since she became a mother for 9 years.

I read these messages carefully, and I probably understood why her daughter lacked self-confidence. However, I don't think there is any "trick" that can help her immediately.

The "art of communication", as well as some other specific educational methods, can be collectively referred to as the "art" of education, which is a kind of "explicit" education. However, some education is actually "hidden", such as a warm and harmonious family atmosphere, parents' emotions and mentality, etc., which are also crucial to the growth of children.

I think of a word that people often mention - "aura", although across the screen, I can also feel the aura of this mother, which is very depressed and anxious. I can imagine her children living in this aura, and it is not easy.

If a family is "within the female lead", then the aura of the family is mainly determined by the wife or mother at home.

If the mother herself is inferior, anxious, and insecure, then the family's aura is low and depressed, and the child is most likely to be insufficient energy and shrugged.

Children are like a small sapling, and their growth needs plenty of sunlight and a suitable temperature than "discipline".

In my years of family education, I have come into contact with too many insecure, extremely inferior mothers. The problems they face with the education and growth of their children are more difficult than those of ordinary families.

Generally in this situation, I advocate that parents should not rush to "educate" their children, but must find a way to improve their internal and external physical and mental bodies and minds, and first fill themselves with energy and self-confidence.

What determines "self-confidence"?

People's self-confidence needs both material and spiritual support.

Let's start with the material basis.

First of all, the body is the most important material basis for a person.

If a person is healthy and every organ is working properly, the person has the lowest level of "self-confidence" foundation.

Otherwise, no matter how strong a person's ability and aura are, when he lies breathlessly on the hospital bed, he will not have much self-confidence.

Many of the unconfident parents I have come into contact with, although they have not yet reached the point of serious illness, their physical condition is often not good, and their health trend is very bad.

Some mothers are chronic insomnia, dizziness;

Some parents are in a long-term sub-healthy state because of the pressure of work;

Other moms already show a tendency to be anxious or depressed.

Many mothers said that they read a lot of books, listened to a lot of lessons, knew a lot of life principles, still did not do the minimum emotional management, and were often in a state of mania or depression.

I would like to say to these mothers: if you are weak, your willpower willpower will not be strong.

Instead of working on it over and over again in your mind, take action and change the way you behave. For example, do a physical examination, strengthen exercise, healthy work and rest... In short, if you want to do a good job of emotional management, you must first do a good job of health management.

The second material basis of self-confidence is the need to have the basic material security on which to survive. A person who is hungry and ill-clothed is difficult to gain self-confidence. But in this day and age, this situation is extremely rare.

More often, people have some inferiority complexes by comparing themselves to other people who are better off. This is actually a spiritual problem again.

Self-confidence requires not only material foundations, but also spiritual support.

Spiritual support comes mainly from the acceptance and approval of others.

Moreover, at different stages of life, the recognition and acceptance from different people have different effects on a person's self-confidence.

From birth to childhood, a person's approval from parents or primary nurturers is the most important shaping of self-confidence. It can be said that whether parents can give their children unconditional recognition and acceptance determines the background of a person's "self-confidence", which is the basis of the most important self-confidence;

In adolescence, the acceptance and recognition of teachers and peers will also have an impact on a person's self-confidence;

In the youth stage, people begin to enter marriage and love, and whether lovers and partners accept and recognize themselves is also very important for a person's self-confidence;

After adulthood, if a person struggles in the workplace for a long time, whether he can get the recognition of colleagues, peers, and leaders also has a great impact on the improvement of self-confidence.

Therefore, a person's self-confidence is accumulated from small to large.

And because people are younger and more malleable, whether a person can get enough spiritual support in childhood and adolescence has the greatest impact on shaping a confident personality.

Many mothers, after realizing their inferiority and cowardice, will also look for clues from their original families and their childhood experiences, and often do find some clues. For example, some mothers are born in a patriarchal family, and their personalities are branded with an innate inferiority complex.

The most important significance of looking back at the original family is to remind us as parents that we must not make the same mistakes in the face of the growth of our children.

For those of us who are now adults, there is no need to dwell too much on the past. If we hold the mentality of lifelong growth, even if there is some lack of childhood, in the longer and more independent years after adulthood, we can still achieve more value through our own efforts, so as to gain more self-confidence.

Self-confidence has a strong correlation with a person's ability and value.

For example, if a person is capable and active, he can make more contributions in his life or career, create more value, and those who benefit from his value, whether it is bosses, colleagues, or family, relatives and friends, will give him enough recognition, which will obviously promote his self-confidence.

Therefore, if a person gets too little recognition from others and lacks self-confidence, they need to reflect on it:

Have I ever created any value for others and for society?

If it has not created any value, what is the reason for it? Is it not enough initiative, or is it limited ability?

If your ability is limited, start learning and practicing hard from now on.

Many full-time mothers feel inferior because of their low sense of value, but in fact, what causes them to feel inferior is not the identity of "full-time mother", but the lack of confidence in their own ability and value.

I've also come into contact with a lot of optimistic and confident stay-at-home moms whose confidence lies in their ability to lean in. In the workplace, they have also performed very well, and after returning to their families, they are still running calmly and confidently on this new track.

For many adults, the best way to boost their self-confidence is to improve their abilities or skills.

If you are a working mother who works hard to improve your professional skills, gain more recognition from colleagues and leaders, and get more income returns, your self-confidence will definitely be greatly improved.

If you're a stay-at-home mom, there's more to honing your skills on the family track.

Master some gastronomic skills, provide a delicious dinner to your family and children every day, you will be recognized and gain confidence;

Master the skills of time management and health management, pack your body and mind, and you will feel full of vitality;

Master the skills of tidying up and storage, make the home environment clean and orderly, and also please others and themselves;

Mastering the skills of education and cultivating children into talents is also an important value in life, enough to make the old mother proud for most of her life...

However, if parents have not made efforts or gains on other tracks of life, and only pin their value on the road of "children becoming talents", it is also very likely that there will be problems.

Because many abilities are actually the same. A person who can't steam a steamed bun must not be able to steam a bun well.

Therefore, I suggest that many parents who have repeatedly suffered setbacks in education should not focus on their children for the time being.

Exercise your body and mind first, so that you are healthy enough;

Hone your skills first and make yourself confident enough.

The parents' own state of existence is an invisible education for the child.

Parents live optimistically and confidently enough, so they don't have to worry too much about their children's growth problems.