Someone in Zhihuli once asked "what a happy woman looks like in a marriage."
There is an answer that says:
She lives forever for herself in her marriage, she does housework by humming songs, happily cooking her favorite food, and enjoying every minute with her family. She will not easily give up her work interests and ideals, and calmly playing each role is her compulsory course, because each role will bring her positive energy in life.
She doesn't think she's the loser in the family, she's not doing housework for men, not having children for men, all she wants to do is to make herself a happy and complete woman, to have a happy and beautiful home.
This should be the definition of a happy marriage in every woman's mind.
However, in real life, most people's marriages can escape the blandness of feelings, but it is difficult to escape the erosion of feelings by chai rice oil and salt, and they are no longer as considerate and tolerant of each other as in love, but more are complaining to each other and calculating each other in trivialities.
In life, we should and often hear people complain about "why others are so happy, but my marriage is a chicken feather".
In fact, in marriage, you will find that most of the people who have a bad life are these kinds of women.
01 A woman who loves too lowly
The eldest wife in "Orange Red" has lived for Rong Yaohua all her life, she guards the orange garden alone, day and day, night and night, just for a reunion with Rong Yaohua once a year. Even knowing that her husband had other women in town, she didn't care.
In order to let Rong Yaohua stay in the orangery for a few more days, she found a woman who looked exactly like her when she was young to be his aunt, and personally adjusted Xiuhe to the look that Rong Yaohua liked.
She has been waiting all her life, all her thoughts, preferences and purposes of life, are born for this man, but Rong Yaohua has given her a lifetime of coldness and loneliness.
Carnegie once said: "Love is not who is going to please whom, but there is a person who likes the real you, you just need to be yourself." 」 ”
Rong Yaohua also said that "he does not like women to speculate on his mind, he likes a woman with self, thought, and vitality."
A woman, who loves too much and is too humble, will push her lover farther and farther away, unilaterally pleasing and forbearing, not in exchange for reciprocal love and respect, blindly low posture, will only make the other party look down on you more and more.
02 Marry someone who doesn't love you
Zhang Ailing said: "The greatest happiness in life is to find that the person you love also loves yourself. ”
When I was young, love always seemed ignorant and fearless, so ignorant that you thought that "I love you, it has nothing to do with you" is a kind of romance, so fearless that I am willing to use my life to touch you.
Look at the show in "Breaking into Kanto" who slept with a pillow for eighteen years and you will know that you will never be hot in the heart of a person who does not love you, and you will never be able to touch a person who has ignored you from the beginning.
When you have experienced the chicken feathers of life, when you have experienced the disregard and indifference of your lover to you, when all your enthusiasm and love are exchanged for the other party's dislike and disdain, perhaps you will understand that marrying someone who does not love you, all your grievances and heartaches can only be swallowed alone.
03 A woman without a job
I know that someone has asked the question "Why should a woman be financially independent?" ”
A high praise replied:
"We work hard so that when I stand by the side of my loved one, whether he is rich or has nothing, I can open my hands and embrace him. I don't think I'm high if he's rich, and I'm not going to be down when he's poor. ”
In marriage, a woman without a job is mostly humble because she has no bottom.
She worked hard 365 days a year, but she never dared to lose her temper and cry about her hardships; she cut back on food and clothing, had no money to buy vegetables and milk powder, and only dared to whisper to her husband.
While complaining about their husbands' incomprehension and scheming, they had to sigh.
Some time ago, a friend who had not been in contact for many years came to me, saying that she had been away from home for more than ten days, ten days ago she was slapped by her father-in-law because she quarreled with her father-in-law, and after her husband knew, not only did not speak for her, but also scolded her for not understanding things, why quarrel with the old man.
The friend left her in-laws' house in a fit of anger, but after leaving the house, she did not know where to go, and could only go to the city where her former colleagues and friends were located.
Because she has not been working after giving birth to a child, she has also been living a depressed life in her in-laws' family, becoming the lowest status person in her in-laws' family, the in-laws dislike her for not making money, and her husband has never been paid to help in her in-laws' shops.
After a few years of marriage, she gave in everywhere and took care of all the household chores at home, but she could not exchange a good word from her in-laws' family, but instead ridiculed and insulted her everywhere.
Many classmates and friends learned of her situation and persuaded her to divorce her, because she had no money and no job, and she had a four-year-old child, and she had to slip back home after a dozen days away from home.
A woman with no job and no money is often passive in marriage, she has no right to choose, nor does she have the courage to say "no", and can only bear all the grievances silently with tears.
04 The Woman who packs the big package
Tu Lei once said:
In the love life, the person who bears everything alone is the stupidest person, because you simply question your other half that he can't share with you, and you deprive him of the right to share those responsibilities with you.
My cousin used to be the kind of woman who took care of everything in her marriage, and because she didn't go to work after giving birth, she took all the housework of the family for granted.
Worried that the child's noise in the middle of the night affected her brother-in-law's work the next day, she intimately let her brother-in-law sleep in another room; forgiving him hard work, his cousin never let him interfere in the affairs of the family; disgusted with his clumsiness, and his cousin never assured him to take care of the child.
The cousin thought it was a sign of love, but in fact it was a burden she personally imposed on her husband, only pushing him farther and farther away from the home.
Trapped in his sense of presence in the family is getting lower and lower, because the home does not seem to have a place to need him, so he spends more and more time outside, like a single man, and asks colleagues and friends to drink and eat after work.
When the cousin complains more and more, the brother-in-law does not understand her hardships, the brother-in-law is completely sentenced to two people before, and the brother-in-law is the treasurer.
Until one day they quarreled, and the brother-in-law said, "This home is like a hotel to him, and he can no longer find his place except sleep." ”
At that moment, the cousin was stunned, and she suddenly remembered that the brother-in-law was also lazy in the past, but he could cook, mop the floor, and would be scolded and grinned by the cousin after the cleaning of the dirty room;
Just after giving birth to the child, the brother-in-law will also let her wait for him to come back from work to cook, if he works overtime at night, he will wash the dishes at noon, so that the cousin can directly fry at night, and the bowls he has eaten are left for him to wash.
He actually knows everything, but since giving birth, his cousin has deprived him of his sense of existence in the family and deprived him of the rights and obligations that originally belonged to his father.
What a painful realization, obviously the husband and wife who were once connected by their hearts are working hard for the future and thinking about each other, but they almost pushed each other away from each other.
As the saying goes, the lover is eight points full, the remaining two points to themselves, women who like to pack a lot of packages, often "habitual" their husbands into a giant baby, let him lose the opportunity to take responsibility, and women who have only paid but have not been rewarded will have more and more complaints in their hearts.
Therefore, in marriage, women should not complain that no one is distressed on the one hand, while being a woman who makes a big package, returns to the true color of women, occasionally sneaks lazy and spoils, and happiness will get closer and closer to you.
05 Conclusion
Unfortunate women in marriage, most of them lack some confidence and principles, for the sake of family, for love, they blindly endure and grievances to seek perfection, not good but inseparable, can only silently bury all the bitterness and tears in their hearts.
Before entering marriage, the marriage that every woman envisioned in her heart was once a gorgeous castle, where their pink bubble dreams were filled, and they longed for all the good, and they lived a happy life in the castle like princesses in fairy tales.
Marriage is a big gamble, even if you catch a good hand of cards, if you are not good at planning, you will still break a good hand of cards, love is the same reason, the original love of couples, if you are not good at managing the relationship between husband and wife, will also push a good marriage on the road.
We often envy women who are happily married, but they can have such happiness because they never rely on luck or beautiful appearance, but on their own wisdom and cultivation.
Not only do they know how to run a marriage, but they also have their own principles and bottom lines in marriage.
Written at the end, I hope that women can live out their own lives in marriage, until the red face turns white, and you can still see the happy appearance of the girl when she is in love on your face.