The hit drama "Xiao MinJia" ended a few days ago, although the plot is dog blood, but the love and marriage stories of several female characters are of great practical significance.
In particular, the tragic lessons of her sister Liu Xiaojie's two failed marriages are definitely a powerful preventive shot for women with "love brain".
A woman, no matter what age, if she does not understand men and does not understand love, must not rush herself into marriage because of a momentary desire for so-called security. You think that marriage will shield you from the wind and rain, but you have not thought that a bad marriage will bring you a rain of bullets that you can't avoid.
When Liu Xiaojie was very young, her mother divorced because of her father's domestic violence and brought up the sisters alone. The mother loves Xiaojie very much, and the sister is also very concerned about the younger sister. Because of his good looks and excellent academic performance, Liu Xiaojie successfully found his favorite job in Beijing after graduating from graduate school, and worked as an editor in a publishing house, glamorous and decent.
Liu Xiaojie's road can also be regarded as a smooth sailing, and on the surface he looks proud, enthusiastic and free, independent and powerful. But the lack of fatherly love in the growing years has made her always lack of security, and her heart is actually fragile and lonely. Therefore, in the treatment of feelings, I always rush to grasp something, and I always want to prove myself by being loved, so as to obtain inner solidity.
Girls from other places are floating in Beijing, and the most likely to give them a sense of security is, of course, marrying an indigenous man with a hukou. Liu Xiaojie's first marriage was an indigenous "ma bao man". "Ma Bao Man" loves to play games, like a "giant baby" who has not yet been weaned, does not know how to manage marriage at all, listens to his mother for big things and small things, is wary of Liu Xiaojie everywhere, and carefully hides private money everywhere.
The "Ma Bao Man" family looks up to Liu Xiaojie, which is nothing more than a good look, decent work, and an obedient tool used to have children. And Liu Xiaojie's internal motivation for entering marriage is to be too eager to have a complete small family and get rid of loneliness.
Both parties are extremely immature about their feelings and marriage, resulting in a quick flash of divorce after the flash marriage. Liu Xiaojie, who is in his thirties, has not yet experienced the real taste of marriage, and he has returned to singleness in a vacuum. In the eyes of his mother and sister, Liu Xiaojie is too playful about marriage, "lack of heart eyes" and "less roots".
In reality, there are actually many "love brain" girls like Liu Xiaojie. Even if you have the ability to be financially independent, you are always emotionally dependent, always trying to grab an intimate relationship with a man to escape your inner emptiness.
When this kind of girl encounters a pursuit, or encounters a little like or heartbeat, she thinks that the other party understands herself, loves herself, and will always accompany herself. She thought that as long as two people were together, they could make up for the loneliness in their hearts, and life would be solid.
Limited emotional cognition blinds the eyes of such girls. What she didn't know was that a woman's sense of security was never given by others, and whether there was anyone to accompany her basically didn't have much to do with it. For example, Liu Xiaojie, married to a naïve and cowardly mother who has no self, even if he has a house and a household registration, he is doomed to not get the stability and satisfaction of marriage and family.
Logically, after a failed marriage, the most important thing to do is to give yourself enough time to calmly examine the problems of the past and seriously think about how to avoid them in the future. But the "love brain" Liu Xiaojie did not leave an empty window for himself, and he did not stop killing into the next love.
Gone "Ma Bao Man", came "Control Freak". Xu Zheng, the second generation of returnees, is handsome and golden, professionally decent, will talk sweetly and romantically, will create opportunities for chance encounters, and will make tricks to please girls. The strong pursuit of deliberate deliberation soon hit Liu Xiaojie's extreme desire to be loved, and her old wounds were not healed, and she was eager to start a new relationship.
Liu Xiaojie was so stupid that people were distressed while biting the root of their teeth. The girl of the "love brain" does not seem to have a bad IQ, but as soon as she encounters the guise of love, the IQ quickly drops to zero. What is even more infuriating is that while choosing to be blind, even the dissuasion of others is regarded as a side wind.
He did not trust her to have a connection with the male author, she gave up her job, and even gave up the opportunity for promotion; he was jealous of her shoulder to shoulder with the "male girlfriend" when taking photos, impulsively driving a rear-end warning; he grossly interfered with her normal social interaction, threatened her like a scoundrel, and even pervertedly imprisoned her at home... In his eyes, she was not a flesh-and-blood individual, she was just a personal item that was entirely controlled and manipulated by him.
Such a terrible and ferocious "love" is actually narcissistic, possessive. Fortunately, With the help of his relatives, Liu Xiaojie got rid of the torture of marriage and suddenly woke up.
Liu Xiaojie's two marriages are sad and heartbreaking. She thought that if two people ripped off the evidence, they could have a happy marriage; as long as they lived under one roof, they could have a happy family.
In fact, she did not understand the nature of marriage at all, nor had she seen a happy family. The failure of the two marriages cannot only be blamed on her unladylike encounters, the fundamental reason is that she has not grown at all. There is no ability to see the problem, there is no ability to solve the problem, no one can stop such a woman from jumping into the fire pit.
The crushing of feelings usually becomes a ripening agent for women's growth. Fortunately, Liu Xiaojie, who has received high education, finally returned to reason. She finally understood, "You can only be truly loved by others if you belong to yourself completely." ”
Stupid women tolerate falling into the same pit one after another; wise women will learn to understand themselves, will try to recognize the truth of life, and will force themselves to learn to grow.
Zhang Defen, an influential personal growth writer in the Chinese-speaking world, once published a book called "We Will Eventually Meet Love and Loneliness". Yes, life is ultimately lonely, essentially must be with yourself. Only by recognizing the truth will we be calm.
As Tang Yixin, the actor of Liu Xiaojie, said, every woman should be sober, "The sense of security can only be given by herself, and the desire in her heart to be loved can only be given by herself." Only by loving yourself well will others love you more. ”
I like Liu Xiaojie's ending in the TV series very much, and finally did not carry the child of the "scumbag" ex-husband as in the original work, and married the "male girlfriend" Qian Feng, who secretly loved him for more than ten years. If he really walked into marriage for the third time in such a hurry, Liu Xiaojie would undoubtedly still be confused.
Women always long for love, always look forward to meeting a suitable partner, happy and happy to live a happy life. Even if it is trivial chai rice oil and salt, even if there is a dispute and a quarrel, there is not enough gentleness and understanding...
But even then, love doesn't necessarily come as planned. But it doesn't matter, even if it doesn't come, you can support yourself, have a job you like, have relatives and friends who love you, and have a little bit of fun in life. Love well when two people are alone, get used to loneliness when you are alone, and enjoy solitude.
Thanks to this good era, society is really improving, and women are no longer bound by family and ethics, and have a more autonomous life and emotions.
When more and more women, no matter what age, whether poor or rich, can pay more attention to themselves, more autonomously participate in love or marriage, I believe that this fireworks world composed of men and women will become more and more harmonious and warm.
In this life, people will eventually encounter love and loneliness. Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifetime of romance.