The man stir-frys in the kitchen, because of the noise the woman talks he always can't hear, so let the woman say it louder. As a result, the woman was still very quiet, and the man was so angry that he said a word to the woman that he regretted.
A year ago, Xiao Na and her boyfriend Xiao Ren, who had been talking for a year, got married. Because it is a distant marriage, coming to a strange place Xiao that is very unaccustomed, fortunately Xiao Ren is very good to her. The money for the hotel they run is also handed over to the wife, and the two run a hotel together, and the little two are still quite happy.
In particular, Xiao Ren also made his photographic technique look better, took a beautiful picture of Xiao Na, and specially learned photography. As soon as he has time, he will take Xiao Na out to play, Xiao Na said that there is no clothes to wear, it is not good to take pictures, Xiao Ren immediately took Xiao Na to buy clothes.
Xiao Na said that she was fat, it was not good to take pictures, and Xiao Ren would take her to the gym. However, with every time he goes out to play Xiao Ren, he always wants to take pictures of Xiao Na, and after shooting, he will send a circle of friends, and also force her to send it. If she didn't want to, she would take her phone and help her send it.
Over time, the little one doesn't like it. Because in her opinion, this belongs to the privacy of the two people, and she does not like to show off. But Xiao Ren believes that she is unwilling to publish the photo of the two to the circle of friends and does not love him enough. He also thinks that he went to study photography for her and bought her clothes to accompany her to the gym, and he is not appreciative for her being so good.
So the two quarreled over this matter, because they came to the "Love Defense War" program to mediate.
Xiao Na said that she was very disgusted that Xiao Ren specially took a large bag of clothes to let her take pictures at the scene when she was playing, and what she originally enjoyed was a two-person world turned into torture.
And Xiao Ren always spoke loudly to her, scolding her in front of others.
It turned out that the restaurant run by the two people has always been Xiao Ren stir-fry, Xiao Na receives guests in the front hall, there is a range hood in the kitchen, and there will be a buzzing noise when it is turned on, and if you don't speak loudly, you won't hear it.
Xiao Ren stir-fried vegetables in the back kitchen, and asked her to be louder because Xiao's voice was too small, so that she would not worry about passing on the wrong dish name or making a mistake.
But every time Xiao Na's voice was still too small, Xiao Ren was very angry and yelled at Xiao Na. Xiao Na was frightened and complained a few words, and as a result, Xiao Ren directly let Xiao Na roll in front of the guests.
At that time, Xiao Na's friend was also present, and she came to see Xiao Na specially. Seeing Xiao Ren scolding Xiao Na like this, he directly pulled Xiao Na away.
Xiao Na was very worried about whether Xiao Ren would come to pick her up at her friend, and because the money in the hotel had been handed over to her, she was worried that Xiao Ren had no money and specially transferred money to him.
Who knows that Xiao Ren in the hotel saw Xiao Na running, had the heart to go up, and felt that there was no face. Coupled with the heavy snow outside, he thought that Xiao Na should go home by himself, so he guarded the hotel alone.
Xiao Na saw that Xiao Ren did not come to pick him up, and his heart was sad. She didn't ask for a bride price or a banquet to take wedding photos when she got married, and she really looked down on This person. She didn't want much, as long as Xiao Ren specially fried her once to buy a small rose.
In Xiao Ren's eyes, Xiao Na was also a good wife, in line with the gentle and considerate virtuousness of the three from the four virtues.
Both love each other, but blame each other for it.
In fact, in my opinion, Xiao Ren is too straight, or it may be that he has just been married for a year without children and temporarily does not experience more places to use money, and there is no pressure of constraints, so he will live like when he was single. I only think about myself, I don't think about the feelings of others.
It is true that in his opinion, in order to take a more beautiful picture of his wife, he has learned photography techniques, and he is willing to buy clothes to call the other party to exercise, if it is not for his purpose, it shows that he is still very disciplined and loves his wife to beat a man.
However, this is a specially bought to satisfy his ostentatious desire, regardless of whether he likes it or not. Although in the eyes of women, as long as the other party has a heart, etiquette is light and affectionate, but in the eyes of married women, it is obvious that practical things are more important. Occasionally a luxury or experience is called romance, and the next time has not considered the other party's feelings, disregarding the other party's medical wishes, it is not called romance.
Secondly, for women, just coax themselves. In fact, in marriage, whether it is a man or a woman, it is necessary to coax, if the other party does not take the initiative, they can give a step appropriately and take the initiative to show goodwill.
There is no right or wrong in the emotion, the other party will only care about you in your heart and do not care about him. If you care, you will worry about losing you, worry that you are not happy and have not eaten well and slept well, even the Cold War will communicate with you in other ways.
For example, communication software such as telephone text message WeChat, or third parties, such as family and friends. Therefore, when the other party does not take the initiative, you can also take the initiative to give the steps through the circle of friends and other ways.
Finally, in terms of language, as the saying goes, evil words hurt people in June, explaining the importance of how to explain. In the book "Nonviolent Communication", an element is proposed: 1. Observation 2. Feeling 3. Required 4. request.
Observation is to explain the results of what happened at that time, such as Xiao Ren wants to communicate with Xiao Na too quietly, he can say [I found the smoke machine too loud, we can't hear what the other party says when we talk], and directly say the result. Then say how you feel, you are worried that the sound is too small to convey the wrong name of the guest.
The requirement is that I want to be able to clearly hear the seat of the guest and the name of the dish ordered, and the request is whether you should speak louder or buy a walkie-talkie?
To put it bluntly, the language hurts because we don't know how to speak, as long as no one wants to hear accusations and criticisms, so we can't directly criticize and blame each other without understanding the facts of the situation.
The use of nonviolent communication is actually to objectively put the facts in front, and then talk about your own feelings, such as I am worried about your or the other party's emotions in it or what I expect to change, followed by a solution to the previous facts, and then ask the other party's opinion.
Have you tried to communicate with your partner in a way, how effective is it?