Yi said that the gathering place for women's growth, may you not wear armor, you can resist thousands of life is not easy, welcome attention.
If you love, please love well. I think Ji Yunhe in "The Tale of the Taming of the Fish" must want to find an island with Changyi and stay together for a lifetime, and Changyi is the same. But why did you get to this point? In the ice and snow world of Beiyuan, Yunhe became a person who was imprisoned for a long time, and Yunhe also asked himself, why did two people who loved each other come to this day?
Obviously in love, but not sweet
Are Ji Yunhe and Changyi in love? They were in love, and they loved very much, very deeply, but they had never enjoyed true love since they fell in love. Ji Yunhe was at first to tame Changyi's heart, and she was very confident in her ability to control people's hearts.
However, she did not think that controlling the hearts of others might also be captured by others.
Changyi fell in love with Ji Yunhe is real, and from the time Ji Yunhe approached him, he had an attachment to Ji Yunhe. But Ji Yunhe fell in love with Changyi, it should be Changyi's indomitability that touched her, in Changyi, she saw herself, and was also conquered by Changyi's pure heart, because she found that there were still people in the world who could practice those golden qualities one by one.
When Ji Yunhe decided that she must take Changyi away from the Valley of Flowers and release it back to the sea, she was already deeply in love with Changyi.
It's just that the feeling of love falls into reality, and within a few days the sweetness begins to abuse. The people abused them, and they abused each other. In the end, even the confident Yunhe didn't quite understand why she and Changyi would come to a day of resentment, falling in love but killing each other.
On this point, interested friends can move to the "Record of tamboy" Yunhe in the arms of Changyi to leave is uncomfortable: the coming day is not long, please learn to love
Love impotent love
When you feel that intimate relationships are tired of getting along, you must consciously check whether there is a problem with the interaction between two people or enter a certain interaction mode, such as the chase mode, the Cold War mode, these common interaction patterns in intimate relationships, will make people feel tired, and even doubt love.
Just like Ji Yunhe and Changyi, they both know very well who they like in their hearts, and they also know how deeply they love each other, so deep that they are willing to give everything for each other. However, after they reunited, they never got along well again. In the eyes of others, they are not lovers at all but enemies.
For Changyi, he has a sincere heart, and he also loves Yunhe very much, and he has the commitment to love only one person in his life, but he is overwhelmed when it comes to how to express his love. Because there is no ability to love, so the love for Yunhe suffers from gain and loss; because there is no ability to love, so only know to grasp each other and do not know to complete each other; because there is no ability to love, so it is always duplicitous and cannot express their needs correctly; because there is no ability to love, especially afraid of rejection, so they use high indifference and do not care to make armor to cut off the emotional flow between two people.
Can such love not be tired?
The humanistic philosopher Fromm, in his classic book The Art of Love, mentions that most people see the problem of love primarily as a matter of being loved, rather than as a question of the ability to actively love and love.
Love is a verb, is the process of active love and choice, when the ability to love is lost, even if there is a heart, it is impossible to let the other party correctly perceive the warmth of love. When two people cannot become better selves in love, then this love is bound to become a burden in life, and there is a feeling of tiredness and not love.
Behind the scenes for your own good is not good at all
If Changyi can't express his love and doesn't know what to do for the other party is true love, then Ji Yunhe's good for you is also a manifestation of not having the ability to love. It can be said that Changyi and Ji Yunhe's approach is two extreme manifestations of the ability to love.
Two people in love must want to be together from the bottom of their hearts, but when there is a problem or a dilemma, there are often various choices. For lovers who fly separately in the face of great trouble, there is no need to discuss it too much, because the two people have already made the choice of separation, and they will not love.
What I want to say here is that like Ji Yunhe, the practice of sacrificing oneself for the sake of long-term intentions and for the sake of long-term goodness is not to love one person, it seems to be able to move everyone, and it seems that it is very selfless love, but it is actually very selfish. Because she forgot that two people in love are us no matter what they face, not me.
A person makes a decision to consider the problem from his own point of view, and two people discuss and make a decision is to look at the problem from the perspective of two people, that is to say, when Ji Yunhe makes a decision, even if it is sacrificed for the sake of long-term intentions, it is only her choices and needs, not long-term intentions, this kind of fulfillment and payment because of the lack of long-term needs and choices, become vulnerable, and eventually become a regret, become a kind of love and can not be.
I once met a girl whose boyfriend proposed to break up on the grounds that she was in love with someone else, but after a year the girl learned that the boy was separated in this way because of an incurable disease, just to make the girl sad. However, after the girl knows the truth, it is even more painful, and it becomes a regret and knot that cannot be released for a lifetime.
This is also the boy for the girl to make a decision of two people, it seems to protect the girl is not sad, the result of the girl in addition to sadness there is a regret, if the boy told the girl the truth, although there will be pain, but the two people face the difficult process together, will not become regret, and will not let the girl can not let go.
So, in an intimate relationship, don't turn us into me, it's actually very selfish to be good for you, and it's not fair to each other.
How to learn the power of love?
The ability to love, can also be said to be the ability to get along in intimate relationships, and the intention also requires certain skills.
Do you think that falling in love also requires skill? Wouldn't that be true love? No, on the contrary, only having the ability to love will allow you to obtain higher quality intimacy and the power of love.
Because everyone's growth experience is different, some people may have a stronger ability to love, and they don't need to learn, but some people may have a weak ability to love, so they need to learn deliberately, and then internalize it as part of their ability, and then enjoy true love in intimate relationships.
The first is expression, the most direct way of interaction between relationships is the exchange of emotions and ideas, and the most is the exchange of language. In intimate relationships, you may also use communication skills to communicate nonviolently, and the most important part of nonviolent communication is to learn to express your needs.
In an intimate relationship, only by accurately expressing your own needs can you let the other party feel your thoughts and feelings, and the interaction between two people can be a positive flow, rather than a duplicitous abuse of each other. Regarding the skills of nonviolent communication, interested friends can move to "Once in a Lifetime" Why should the time not only win love but also heal Zhou Shengchen? Instead of envying the fish, it is better to retreat to the net, and the communication ability should not be underestimated
The second is that things involving two people must be faced together. In this process, we can express our own ideas by saying more and talking less about me, but don't make decisions directly, especially in the name of your own good. In fact, in the process of discussing things, two people are also the process of enhancing feelings, and it is also an opportunity for each other to increase their sense of trust.
Finally, intimacy requires us, but that doesn't mean there's no sense of boundaries. In all relationships, cross-border interactions can cause stress and discomfort to the other person. You may feel that this boundary is very difficult to grasp, far away will be alienated, close and say crossed the line.
In fact, this boundary is not very difficult to grasp, the boundary is to respect the wishes of the other party, to complete the other party to become a better person.
Since it is the love of two people, it will not be a decision of one person, and behind those who are good for you is a kind of selfishness, and true love is to allow two people to enjoy the pleasure of love at the same time, but also to complete the beauty of two people.
If you think it's all too complicated, try to change my mouth to us when communicating with each other, and maybe you will have unexpected and wonderful gains. Remember to come here to share your feelings and experiences after trying.
(The pictures are from the screenshots of the TV series "Acquaintance with Junchu just like the return of the deceased", if there is infringement, please contact to delete)