Text/Edamame
In modern society, there are frequent conflicts between teachers and classmates, and conflicts between parents and children are endless. Most of the reasons are because communication is not smooth, too many people only care about their feelings, and the empathy ability is weak, so an invisible barrier is invisibly built between people. Mutual suspicion, mutual incomprehension.
The image comes from Visual China
Recently, in Changzhou, Jiangsu Province, a teenage girl beat her mother on the street because she bought a mobile phone.
In the video, the teenage girl wants to buy Apple 13, but her mother does not buy it for her, and then she is very angry, and finally to the point of emotional loss of control, even beating her mother in the street.
The girl sat in the back seat of the electric car, constantly tearing and slapping her mother, and at the same time shouting at her mother, "You go", fortunately, the girl's mother was wearing a helmet at that time, and the girl's fist almost hit the helmet.
Subsequently, onlookers pulled the girl away, and the police rushed to the scene to deal with it.
According to insiders who were watching at the time, the reason why the girl and the mother had a conflict was because the mother had promised the child to pay 4,000 yuan by herself, and the parents would pay 2,000 yuan to buy her an iPhone 13 mobile phone.
After the child saved up 4,000 yuan to buy a mobile phone, her mother told her that the old mobile phone could still be used, because this incident caused a contradiction between mother and daughter.
In this regard, some netizens said, "Such a child is too doting." ”
Some netizens retorted: "Since you promised your child's promise, how can you temporarily change your mind?" ”
More people feel that this is a matter between their mother and daughter, who is right and who is wrong must be resolved between mother and daughter, and this mother should communicate well with her child, rather than looking for a passerby to judge.
In the Ming Dynasty, Lü Kun proposed seven non-responsibilities in the "Groaning Language", one of which was "not responsible for the public". If the child makes a mistake, do not scold in public, otherwise the child will lose his dignity.
When Murong Xi was young, once because he did not pass the exam and was afraid of being scolded, he secretly changed his score from 35th to 5th. However, because the traces of the changes were too obvious, when the report card was handed to my mother, I was very nervous.
When my mother got the report card, she simply looked at it and said: How the teacher made the report card so dirty, it was a little unclear. Would you ask the teacher tomorrow and tell your mother the grades?
Mom deliberately "pretended to be confused" in front of him in order to give her face. When Murong Xi understood this, he was very grateful to his mother. The next day, he confessed everything to his mother and began to make up his mind to study hard.
The mother handled the matter with dignity, giving the child both face and educating the child.
Communication based on love and understanding and responsibility is Marshall. Advocated by Dr. Luxemburg.
In his book "Nonviolent Communication", he argues that many of our conversational methods in daily life are "violent", often causing pain for ourselves and others. And "non-violent communication" is a new way of communication, which is the "language of love".
Nonviolent communication can guide us to transform the way we talk and listen, and it covers the four elements of observation, feeling, need, and request. Summed up in a one-size-fits-all sentence: I observe + I feel + because + I request = nonviolent communication.
Dr. Luxemburg believes that to build a peaceful world requires the elimination of language of blame, humiliation, criticism and harshness, we need to focus on each other's observations, feelings, needs and requests, and let love and respect integrate into life.
Reflecting on our conversations with children, when their behavior does not meet our expectations, we tend to use some reproachful, critical language, such a way of talking is "violent", it will make the child feel that they are not loved and respected, so we have to use the language of love to talk to the child.
Observation, feeling, need, request, is the four elements of nonviolent communication, but also the guiding light of our interpersonal communication, we may wish to practice more in daily life, with the help of these four steps to express and improve themselves, so that they have a good communication atmosphere and interpersonal relationships.
Words can incite and ignite conflict, but they also have the power to evoke respect, enhance understanding, and inspire cooperation. When we fade away the hidden spiritual violence, love will naturally flow. Refuse violent communication and keep your child from harm. This is not only the original intention of the author of this book, but also the wish of parents. Learning "Nonviolent Communication", let us strive to be good parents, good teachers, good partners, to build a healthy growth environment for children.
The image comes from Visual China, if there is infringement, please contact me to delete.