Text/Thorn
Two days ago, I went to pick up my daughter from school, and just after I picked up my daughter, I heard a mother next to me carrying her child's ear to educate: "Why is the test so bad this time, are you a pig?" "Pigs are smarter than you, and they don't know what to learn when they go to school all day!" "And the face is crying, you are almost a waste, do you want to cry?"
A child of about 10 years old, because of the poor test scores by his own mother, I don't know how wronged the child is in his heart, but when he looks at him who wants to cry and does not dare to cry, his heart hurts.
My daughter also heard it, and she frowned and asked me, "That boy is so sad, why does his mother say this?" I couldn't answer her, I could only sigh and drive away with the child.
Obviously, it is his own bloodline, but the scolding is so cruel that he is eager to vent all the grievances he suffered today on the child.
"It's okay to talk about it, what does it matter to children?" "Children don't scold, I'm doing it for their own good!" "I can't stand criticism since I was a child, what should I do when I grow up?" Such a "percussion education" argument is normal and blameless in the concept of the vast majority of parents.
They do not realize that language can also become a kind of violence, especially the scolding and insult from relatives, and it is a naked harm to children.
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Various empirical studies by psychologists have shown that if a child grows up in a environment where verbal violence is often practised, it is easy to have violent tendencies when they grow up.
We can often see all kinds of school bullying videos on social media, Li Meijin, a professor of criminal psychology at the People's Public Security University, once said in a lecture: People who are good at verbal communication are generally not violent; people who can't speak and are often silent will have violent tendencies.
The image comes from Visual China
Because the child can't express it, he does it. Teacher Li Meijin also deliberately emphasized the importance of maintaining good communication with children in the family.
When the child says what he thinks, the adult should show understanding, and if there is a suggestion for the child, or disagree with the child's point of view, you can exchange views and tell the child - what I think this thing is like.
The child understands the mode of communication, and when he goes out, he will not be easily violent. Because, he knows how to get along with people who disagree. A good dialogue between parents and children is not only of great significance to the child's personality and way of doing things, but also affects the child's entire life.
The development of language and the impact on children are not just simple as not being able to speak and writing badly, but its impact on children is far-reaching, long-term, and determines the height of children's life. So, how can parents lead by example in teaching their children's childhood?
1. Learn to listen and allow your child to lose his temper
Learning to listen is the first step to communication. If the child is angry about something, he should be allowed to lose his temper. Parents may wish to sit down first, look at their children quietly, listen attentively, and stop the work at hand, which is equivalent to telling the child: You are concerned by us, and we are listening carefully to pay attention to the feelings or problems you are talking about.
2. Respond sincerely to express the true feelings of parents
Children are often very sensitive, and parents have an attitude implied in their communication with their children, which is as important as the content of the conversation, and "body language" cannot be ignored.
3. Choose the right time to talk, and avoid hurting your child's self-esteem when there is a conflict
Physiological rules tell us that 5:00-7:00 p.m. is the lowest point of physiological activity, and it is necessary to supplement nutrition to restore physical strength. Therefore, it is not easy to talk about serious topics when children come home from school. After dinner, the mood gradually brightened, is a better time. Sometimes conflict may be inevitable, and the principle is to avoid hurting a child's self-esteem.
4. Jointly find ways to solve problems
When the child encounters a problem is in need of parental help, the guidance given by the parents should be more specific and better, the way to solve the problem is best to discuss with the child to determine, and some small problems in the discussion process may be resolved.
Early language ability and emotions affect a child's life, in fact, there have been many scientific studies that confirm the statement that parents' words before the age of 6 are gold. The way we communicate with our children directly determines their future!
Therefore, it is necessary to read Dr. Marshall Luxemburg's book "Nonviolent Communication", and after reading it, we will have a more appropriate understanding of nonviolent communication.
Dr. Marshall Luxemburg is a major figure in the field of communication, with in-depth research in nonviolent communication theory, in 2006 he received the Bridge of Peace Award from the Global Village Foundation, in his early years under the master of psychology Carl Rogers, he later developed a very inspiring and influential principles and methods of nonviolent communication, not only taught people how to make personal lives more harmonious and beautiful, but also solved many conflicts and disputes around the world.
The book divides "non-violent communication" into two parts: "expression" and "listening", of which "expression" is divided into four elements: "observation", "feeling", "need" and "request", through the detailed interpretation of these elements, it helps people reverse the negative thinking orientation, avoid or resolve interpersonal conflicts in a gentle way, in order to maintain relaxed and harmonious interpersonal relationships, especially in family relations and parent-child relationships, non-violent communication is particularly important.
Many of the "violent" communication methods listed in the book "Nonviolent Communication" actually exist around us, we are in it, and we do it, and we don't know it. If everyone can remember the non-violent communication method, use it commonly, focus on the expression of their inner needs, sincerely listen, feedback, and communicate with people gently, I believe that the world will become gentle as a result.
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