After dinner, he took his son for a walk in the small square downstairs. A mother heard a mother shouting at her child again, "You are so disobedient, I don't want you." "Then my son and I saw the mother turn around and really leave. The little boy who was crying saw his mother gone, and hurriedly wiped his tears and went to chase after his mother.
It turned out that the small square downstairs had a stall selling toys at night, and the little boy saw the toy he liked and wanted his mother to buy him one, maybe the mother felt that there were already similar toys at home, so she didn't buy them for the little boy. That's where I just did.
Looking at the little boy's cautious and sincere look, I was really distressed. In fact, I can completely understand not buy toys for children, but I do not approve of such an education method by educating children in a threatening way and saying to children, "If you are no longer good, I will do whatever I want".
The son obviously heard the mother's words and asked me, "Mom, if I want toys too, will you be like that aunt, saying that you don't want me and leave me behind?" ”
When my son asked this, I felt that the problem was even more serious. It seems that the scene he just saw brought a huge impact to his son, and his son felt uneasy in his heart, and he was afraid that if he did not obey, he would be abandoned by his parents and father.
I quickly enlightened my son, told him that I would not do that, and dispelled his inner uneasiness.
If you don't go again, I won't want you;
If you don't obey any more, I'll let the police arrest you;
If you don't write homework again, I'll tell the teacher;
See how well-behaved your sister is, and if you don't obey you again, we will have to do as long as your sister doesn't want you;
If you cry again, I'll throw all the toys at you...
In this way, are you familiar with parents, and do you often say it to your children?
I think there must be a lot of such parents who become "threat experts" when teaching their children. They use threats and intimidation to make the children feel afraid, so as to achieve the purpose of making the children obedient and obedient.
However, have you ever wondered what parents will bring to their children by doing so?
My son just heard the mother say that if you don't leave again, I won't want you, and I feel scared, there is no sense of security, and you can imagine how scared and helpless the little boy who was "abandoned" by his parents at that time should be.
Children who live in a threatening and intimidating state for a long time will lack a sense of security and may form a flattering personality in the future, which will affect the development of children's physical and mental health.
Therefore, threatening and intimidating education will not cure the symptoms, and will also have a huge impact on children.
Stop using threats and intimidation to treat your child. Threats and intimidation do not achieve the purpose of education, on the contrary, they may bring harm to children for a lifetime.
Threats and intimidation can make children feel at peace
A netizen said that since she understood things, her father was using threats and intimidation to educate her.
If you don't obey, we won't want you.
If you don't study hard and can't get into a good university, no one will like it.
If you don't listen to me, you will suffer losses sooner or later, and no one will take care of you at that time.
These words were the mantra of her parents. Her parents never spoke well to her. Even though she is an adult, her parents still dictate her life.
She wanted to do what she loved, but her parents felt like she wasn't doing it. She wanted to take a break and catch her breath, and her parents felt that if they didn't hit the iron while it was hot, they would be left far behind by others. She did not want to take the civil service examination, did not want to go on a blind date, did not want to go back to her hometown, and her parents either hysterically rebuked her: "no conscience" and "white-eyed wolf", or took her body and life, and constantly threatened her to submit.
From childhood to adulthood, this netizen said that she almost did not seriously think about what she wanted, she was always worried about where she did not do well to disappoint her parents, worried that she would make her parents sick.
She especially listened to her parents, but she was living more and more unhappily. She began to become inferior and timid, she was very unsure, and she seemed to be at a loss for anything. She does not dare to fight in her career, does not dare to fight in love, and even the things she likes are also suffering from gains and losses.
Parents are the source of a child's sense of well-being. The respect of parents is definitely the confidence of children to move forward bravely. The love and understanding of parents is the source of a child's strong heart.
Many parents may feel that it is only useful when they speak harshly, and their children will obey.
Threatening and intimidating children, children may temporarily compromise and become obedient because of fear. But this obedience is an illusion. Because the child is still young, he can only succumb to his parents.
For children, doing so is only harmful, not beneficial. Because threats and intimidation will only make children lack a sense of security, leading children to respond to their parents in a compromise and rebellious way.
It is easy to cause psychological problems in children
A parent took his child to the doctor and said that his child always had nightmares at night and refused to sleep by himself. Later, after the doctor and the child talked alone, the problem was found.
It turned out that the problem was with the parents.
Parents feel that their children do not sleep at night, and sleeping too late affects physical development. In order to make children develop the habit of going to bed early, they often take a threatening approach to let children go to bed early.
For example, at 10 o'clock at night, the child is not sleeping, the mother will say that you will not sleep again, and the big bad wolf will come to catch you.
The consequence of saying this often is that the child often has nightmares, cries and refuses to fall asleep, and so on.
Children are in a stage of rapid physical and mental development, often threatening and intimidating children, which will cause children to be highly nervous, and if serious, may induce some psychological problems.
Frequently threatening and intimidating children will make children feel inferior
We parents want our children to be confident and bold. However, our education methods often use some derogatory language to stimulate the child's heart, which is easy for the child to have an inferiority complex.
For example, you're so naughty I don't love you anymore. If you don't obey your mother anymore, you only love your brother. You're not as good as so-and-so next door and so on.
Under the irritation of these languages, children will become more and more inferior, and they will shrink their hands and feet when they do things, afraid that they will not be rejected by their parents if they do not do well. I feel that I am not good enough to make my parents dissatisfied. This kind of worry and shrinking hands and feet will accompany the future work and life, and have a great impact on the child.
A moderate and firm education is a good education
After reading the book "Positive Discipline", one word that impressed me was: gentle and firm.
In the face of some unreasonable demands of children, we need to educate children, but this education is not to threaten and intimidate children to obey. Instead, it is necessary to gently and firmly tell the child whether his requirements are reasonable, why they are unreasonable, why they cannot be met, and how to get the toys they want.
Such education can give children a good guide and let children know the rules and bottom lines.
Teacher Li Meijin said that all education should be based on parent-child relationship.
We threaten, control, and accuse the child with the authority of the parents, and the child's obedience is only superficial, and the child cannot be convinced.
Only by respecting the child's ideas, listening to the child's distress, encouraging the child to say his feelings and needs, and the child to find a solution, provide a choice for the child, give the child more patience and gentleness, can the child identify with you and change in the direction you want.
We love our children, but the words we say are full of harm and cannot achieve the purpose of educating children.
Therefore, instead of constantly threatening and intimidating children, it is better to patiently understand the children's inner needs and the laws of children's growth, nourish children with love, and be a smart and wise parent.