Parents are angry in the process of educating their children, and their emotions cannot be controlled, and the result is nothing more than scolding the child, yelling at the child and even beating the child.
There is no absolute thing in the world, we can not take yelling and scolding as the main means of educating children, but it is not impossible to scold at all, the key is to distinguish between specific situations.
The vast majority of parents hit their children out of impulse.
Emotional anger suddenly arises, there is no control of themselves, in this case it is likely to lose weight, resulting in serious consequences that parents themselves did not expect.
More appropriate way to deal with it: calm your mood, it is really not possible for parents to leave the "accident site" immediately, such as walking out of the child's room, pouring yourself a glass of water or going to the toilet, and not letting the emotional flames affect your actions.
Wait until your mood improves or stabilizes, and then think about how to deal with the current situation.
In any case, it is better than beating the child violently, in addition to venting the anger of the parents and making the child feel afraid, there is not much educational significance. In case of an irreparable situation, it will make everyone regret and sad.
The purpose of hitting a child is actually a kind of protection!
A remark made by Li Meijin, a professor at the Public Security University, in "The Round Table Sect" can explain this point of view. She said:
"In the process of human growth, something must be formed, in addition to love, there must also be reverence. If the child breaks the law, the punishment is actually a kind of protection, let him know that he is afraid, know that he regrets, and never dare to do it again, and really let him dare not to protect him. ”
The implication is precisely to emphasize that children should know to be afraid and know that rules cannot be violated. If the child makes a mistake, only punishment can make the child awake. This is not the first time that Professor Li Meijin has emphasized reverence, she has also mentioned many times in her previous analysis of juvenile delinquency that the reason why people commit crimes is that there is no reverence.
Of course, even in this case, it does not mean that parents can beat their children to death with their heads covered.
What really makes us angry and miserable is our expectations in our children.
Don't we always want our children to follow us, can we let go of this attachment?
Definitely not. It's not your conscious mind that decides, it's our subconscious, and deep in the subconscious, many of us are actually children who have been looking for their mothers.
We think that we are the ones who love our children the most in the world, but in fact, we are not right, but the children really love us indiscriminately and unconditionally.
They are our spiritual parents, so we expect more from them and have the most emotions.
All the pain comes from the cry of our inner child: "Why don't you love me the way I do?" Why don't you listen to me? Why aren't you perfect? ”
However, the child is not a tool to satisfy us, he has his own rhythm.
"You made a mistake, that's great! What can we learn from this? "I'm really talking about 'we.' Of the most mistakes children make, we can't blame them. A lot of mistakes in children are because we take the time to train and encourage them.
The above words are from "Positive Discipline".
No one can be perfect, although we want ourselves, our children, our parents to be perfect.
We cannot blame our parents for not educating us well on the one hand, and our children for not educating them well on the other.
Parents are their children's first teachers and the best teachers at the same time, so parents need to start from themselves and help their children become better people.
As the saying goes, "Good medicine is good for the sick, and good advice is good for the ear." ”
Regarding family parenting, if you have more insights, you can leave a message in the comment area to communicate~
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[Author of this article]: Secretary Zhang of Orangutan Village
[Original Statement]: Some of the content of the article is excerpted from the Network, if there is infringement, please contact the author to correct and delete.
[Column Introduction]:
"Orangutan Ball Has Something to Say" is a parent-child education column of the new media channel under "Orangutan Ball Village". We aim to help more families improve their parent-child relationship and let the flowers of the motherland have a good childhood.
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