This scene on the high-speed rail exposes the heart-piercing truth! It's no wonder that parents don't ruin their children's educational prejudices

New Oriental Family Education

2024-05-09 09:49Posted in Beijing, creators in the field of parenting

Author: Xiao Tian, the main creative group

During the May Day holiday, I took my children to travel to other places and saw such a mother and son on the high-speed rail.

They sat next to us. The mother looks capable and intellectual, and the son is about ten years old.

Not long after the train started, the mother helped her son put down the small table and took out a few books from his school bag. Under her arrangement, the boy practiced oral arithmetic, brushed up on English graded readings, and did Olympiad math questions and Chinese reading comprehension questions. It has been observed that most of these are additional "extra meals" arranged by parents.

During the nearly three-hour journey, the little boy was doing his homework almost the entire time. During this period, he was in a mood several times, complaining that he didn't want to do too much homework, but his mother rejected him:

"It's just so long on the road, it's just right for studying, otherwise it's a pity to waste it."

The scene in front of me is familiar. I remember the previous long holiday, some netizens posted a video saying that they saw a carriage of children on the high-speed rail burying their heads in homework, and the news also rushed to the hot search.

I don't know when doing homework has become the standard high-speed rail for primary and secondary school students. Of course, there are objective factors such as too much homework, but on the other hand, it is actually the active choice of parents.

Some netizens once said frankly that when taking their children on the high-speed rail, they would feel very bad if they didn't use the hours to do something related to studying. As for the effect, it is not in the scope of consideration.

Under the educational atmosphere of involution, we can't see children idle, and we can't get used to seeing children playing; At the same time, he is focused on his children's studies, for fear of falling behind.

Grades may be a common obsession of many parents.

Behind the supremacy of grades, there is anxiety that has nowhere to put it

The image of the boy writing the rushing train is reminiscent of another piece of news.

Some time ago, the Department of Pediatrics of the First Affiliated Hospital of Ningbo University admitted a girl Xiaoyun in the first year of junior high school.

At that time, she had a low-grade fever for a week, was diagnosed with mycoplasma infection, and CT images showed that the lobes of her lungs were white.

The doctor advised Xiaoyun to be hospitalized, but her mother refused, saying that she was worried that hospitalization would delay her studies.

In the mother's opinion, once her daughter is hospitalized for at least three or four days, she will miss a lot of homework, resulting in her grades falling behind and making it difficult to make up for it.

On the one hand, there is health, and on the other hand, there is achievement. Obviously, Xiaoyun's mother turned the cart before the horse and tilted the scales in favor of the latter.

When her daughter is seriously ill and has white lungs, she is still struggling with homework, grades and other things outside her body.

In fact, this is not an isolated case. A while ago, there was a classmate in my daughter's class, who took fever-reducing medicine in the morning to attend class during her illness, and rushed to the hospital in the afternoon to get an intravenous drip for a week.

In the hospital, there are not a few children who do questions while infusion. Some cities have also opened up a "children's infusion learning area" in pediatrics, where a whole row of children who look like primary school students are playing hanging bottles with their left hands and writing homework with their right hands.

All this makes people feel mixed feelings. Today's children can't relax during the holidays, and they don't dare to rest when they're sick, it's really difficult!

However, this is the current situation of involution education today. Behind it is the anxiety of the parents of the chicken baby - for fear that the child will fall behind and the test score will regress, which will eventually affect the evaluation and further education.

At the end of the day, it's the "results-first" philosophy that deeply influences us. It has become the most important thing in the eyes of contemporary parents, even at the expense of their children's health.

The more parents pay attention to grades, the less successful their children are

However, the tighter we focus on grades, the better our children will become?

This may not be the case.

My girlfriend has been in a huge distress lately. She has always been a staunch chicken baby and attaches great importance to her son's achievements.

Under her careful training, her son is indeed competitive, not only has excellent grades, but also has developed a number of specialties, and is the standard "other people's child".

The turning point came after my son went to junior high school. As a result of the sudden increase in academic difficulty and intensity, boys no longer have a significant advantage in grades, and in several cases they even fell to the middle of the class in exams.

In this regard, the girlfriend was very anxious, so she further raised the requirements for her son, and many times reached a strict level.

But at the same time, the boy's adolescent rebellion also followed, and he began to openly rebel against his girlfriend's demands, and he also appeared disgusted with school.

In this way, on the one hand, the strong mother is desperately trying to make her son study, and on the other hand, the rebellious child increasingly wants to get rid of the discipline of adults. Until one day, the mother and son broke out into a fierce conflict because of the problem, and the boy tore up all the extracurricular workbooks under the emotional outburst, and cried to his best friend:

"Growing up, you only cared about grades, and I'm really fed up!

At that moment, the girlfriend seemed to be pierced through the heart. She felt that all her previous efforts had been in vain.

thought of the boy Yu in the TV series "Little Shede".

In his mother's attitude of only asking questions, he lived a depressed and painful life. He once said gloomily: "My mother doesn't love me, but me who has a perfect score in the exam." ”

Time and time again, he tried hard, but he always failed to meet his mother's expectations. Eventually, he was stressed out and had mental problems.

And it was only then that his mother really began to re-examine her educational philosophy and decided to give up on the chicken baby.

Professor Xu Kaiwen once pointed out that families who care too much about grades are prone to raising children with "hollow heart disease".

Such a child may be very good, but internally he "lacks the values that support his sense of meaning and existence, has a strong sense of loneliness and emptiness, cannot find the meaning of life, and does not know why he wants to live."       

When the goal of education is only "get good grades and go to a good university", when all the concerns of parents are only linked to grades...... At this time, we thought that everything we did was for the sake of the child's future, but in fact, we made the child's path to success narrower and narrower.

The real focus of education is to develop the child's non-cognitive abilities

Writer Liu Jirong once wrote the story of her daughter.

The little girl's grades are average, she has no special skills, she is mediocre in the pile, and she can't show off anything worth showing off.

During this period, they also used a lot of brains to improve their daughter's academic performance. Ask for a tutor, sign up for a tutorial class, and buy all kinds of materials...... But after some tossing, not only did her daughter's grades not improve, but her body did not bear it, and she even had anorexia, insomnia, and sweating at the mention of exams.

In desperation, Liu Jirong gave up the chicken baby and resumed his daughter's normal routine.

After the midterm exam, she received a call from her daughter's homeroom teacher. Although he was told that his child's score ranking was still average, the senior homeroom teacher shared a "strange" thing that he encountered for the first time in his 30 years of teaching -

When asked which of the classmates he admired the most, all the students in the class wrote their daughter's name without exception for many reasons: enthusiastic to help others, trustworthy, not angry, and easy to get along with...... The most written is optimistic and humorous. Many classmates also suggested that their daughters should be the class president.

In this regard, the head teacher sighed: "Although this child has average grades, he is really good." ”

This incident deeply touched Liu Jirong. In the article, she writes from the bottom of her heart:

"In this world, how many people aspire to be heroes when they are young, but in the end they become ordinary people in the fireworks. If we are healthy, if we are happy, if we do not go against our own hearts, our children, why not be a kind ordinary person.

When she grows up, she will surely become: a virtuous wife, a gentle mother, and even an enthusiastic colleague, and a kind neighbor. During those long years, she was able to live the life she wanted in peace. As a parent, do you want to pray for a better future for your children? ”

Indeed, in this competitive world, our children are likely to be ordinary ordinary people when they grow up. Compared with solving questions in exams, in fact, what they need more is to adapt to the law of the jungle in society and live a decent and calm life in the future. And these things can't be achieved with good results alone.

In the book "The Power of Character", it is mentioned that what really opens up the individual gap is actually a person's personality traits, that is, "non-cognitive abilities".

In other words, the key to determining whether a child can live well in the future is not whether he is smart or not (IQ) and how many points he or she scores on exams (cognitive level of subjects), but what kind of person the child is (non-cognitive ability).

These personality traits cannot be measured numerically, but subtly, like a huge driving force, determines the ultimate height of a child's life.

At the same time, the book also lists seven core competencies that will have the greatest impact on children's future: perseverance, self-control, enthusiasm, social skills, gratitude, optimism, and curiosity.

Therefore, as parents, what we need to do is to take a long-term view, open up the pattern, and find ways to help children have these valuable traits as soon as possible, so as to prepare for the future in the world.

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