Some time ago, I chatted with my friend Vivi, and Vivi talked about her marriage.
Wei Wei talked about when she and her husband just got married, the relationship between the two was quite good, not only there was no problem in communication, the husband was also considerate of himself, and there was not much "generation gap" between him and his in-laws.
However, as she became pregnant and gave birth to a child, family conflicts became more and more obvious. Not only has the husband become rude and arrogant, he does not understand himself, but even the relationship with his mother-in-law has problems.
Let Vivi wonder why the "family relationship" has become like this in less than a year from marriage to the birth of the baby?
After asking Vivi, I learned that the reason for the problems in the relationship with her husband was mostly because of her mother-in-law. The relationship with the mother-in-law is getting worse and worse, mostly because of the children. The answer is found, and the child is the "fuse".
The "mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship" can be described as the most difficult "interpersonal communication" since ancient times. It is difficult for qing officials to judge family affairs, and many times they actually refer to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
I often hear friends who are already wives say that "if the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is handled well, the family will be harmonious, and if it is not handled well, most of them will lead to marriage ending in divorce." ”
In the hit TV series "The Belle Epoque of daughters-in-law", Edamame Played by Haiqing is a real "good daughter-in-law in the new era". The edamame bean character itself is a well-behaved, obedient and diligent character.
In the TV series, Edamame, with its own personality characteristics, can not only successfully win the favor of the "two mothers-in-law", but also express her responsibility as a daughter-in-law with practical actions when facing the "difficult mother-in-law".
The "mother-in-law relationship" is handled properly, in fact, there are many benefits. The most important point is family harmony. Remember, all mothers-in-law actually come from "daughters-in-law".
Vivi often quarrels with her mother-in-law because of the child's problems, which makes her mother-in-law feel uncomfortable and angry, and the most difficult thing to do in the middle is actually the third party, that is, the role of husband.
This reminds me of another friend, Nana. Nana has a cheerful, lively and sunny personality, interpersonal communication has never been a problem for her, she has a good job, a high income, and a happy family. However, the most enviable thing is not a good job and high income, but her relationship with her mother-in-law, like "sisters".
Nana said a sentence that I still remember vividly, she said: "When I face my mother-in-law, I never call my mother-in-law, but call my mother." ”
The speaker has no intention of hearing that the person has a heart, and this "mom" is considered to have shouted into the heart of the mother-in-law. Nana's mother-in-law will also be the same as her own mother, because she stays up late to say two sentences, and when she sees bad habits, she nags a few words, but these are all out of the perspective of "care".
Some people may ask, what is the difference between shouting "mom" and calling mother-in-law, look at the summary of netizens and you will understand.
Mom will think about how to help you recover during confinement, and the mother-in-law will only consider helping you to promote milk; you work very hard, when the weekend rests, the mother thinks about how to help you do more work, and the mother-in-law will always think that you do not work enough; the mother will worry because you do not have time to eat, but the mother-in-law will feel that you eat first...
People who love you will show tolerance and understanding for you, and the key to making your mother-in-law "fall in love with you" is the core of the current "new type of mother-in-law relationship".
The way of education changes with different generations. Many older friends will be reluctant to accept new things, often using the "old way" method to bring up children, so that it is easy to disagree with mothers born in the new era, and contradictions will appear.
For example, after the birth of the child, for the question of whether it should be "tied hands and feet", the correct way of scientific parenting is to try not to tie the child's hands and feet, so as not to affect the child's normal limb development. And the thinking of many elderly people is to tie the hands and feet of children.
Regarding such problems, in fact, there are many, and if they are not handled well, it will affect the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so how should we properly handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and correctly raise children?
1, do not let the emotions control themselves
Whether it is a daughter-in-law or a mother-in-law, when encountering problems, the other party's attitude will directly affect their emotions, emotional collapse, "quarrel" will be inevitable.
Therefore, a smart daughter-in-law will control her emotions and will not directly "speak ill of her mother-in-law". Quarrels are a manifestation of low emotional intelligence. In "The Belle Epoque of daughters-in-law", one of the reasons why edamame bean makes her mother-in-law like herself is because edamame bean is always obedient in front of her mother-in-law.
If you encounter a situation of disagreement, explain your meaning clearly, and come up with a strong argument, even if you are a "difficult and unreasonable" mother-in-law, you will be made sense.
2, do not say in front of the children and husbands that the mother-in-law is not good
This is very important. The idea that parents are a child's first teacher is well known.
The reason why Edison, a scientist with a worldwide reputation, was able to have so many inventions had a lot to do with his mother's enlightenment education. Therefore, as a mother, everything you do will be seen by the baby, whether it is a good side or a bad side, it will deeply affect the child.
When Nana encountered the problem of children's education, she said: "My mother-in-law and I have also had differences about the education of children, but my approach is very simple, using authority to tell my mother-in-law why she is not doing it right, such as the doctor said so, or the university professor said that the child should be educated in this way."
Under the continuous development of science, the Internet is a good "classroom", from the Network, whether it is an elderly middle-aged elderly, or young people, you can learn a lot from it, in places where you can't see, the mother-in-law may also hold a mobile phone to check the "parenting news".
Therefore, the daughter-in-law can give the mother-in-law a little time, the daughter-in-law is a novice mother, the mother-in-law is also a novice mother-in-law, cooperate with each other, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live in harmony, and the education of the child will be more effective with half the effort.