01
Love is a game that must be evenly matched
Not long ago, I watched a Weibo video in which a girl flew from Zhejiang to Beijing overnight, wearing a wedding dress and holding a bouquet of flowers to attend her ex-boyfriend's graduation ceremony, just to witness his most important moment and give him a "surprise".
"I knew he didn't want me to disturb his life, but I came anyway, and I wanted to see him."
While waiting for her ex-boyfriend to show up, she kept stroking her makeup and hair, caring if she looked good in this way, and the lack of confidence and anxiety on her face was clearly visible.
Moved? Surprise? What we see is that after the meeting, the boy talked briefly and crampedly, and then left her with a cold and determined back and flew away.
My friend said that if this was my daughter, I would definitely kill her, embarrassed and now.
And I watched the girl wearing a wedding dress, in such a festive and lively occasion, lonely and lonely, and a little distressed.
In this relationship that has become a thing of the past, she is obviously the person who can't let go, and she is also the one who is insecure.
We are not opposed to the courage to take the initiative to pursue happiness, but feelings should not be retained in this most undignified and humble way.
I have always believed that the best appearance of a girl in a relationship is not who goes to please and accommodate, who goes to Ren Bourn, but who has a strong sense of security in her heart.
Love is equal, consensual; if there is no love, it will be scattered twice, and each will be fine.
There is a sentence in "Jane Eyre":
"Love is a game, and you must always be on par with each other in order to rely on each other for a long time, because too strong opponents are exhausting, and too weak opponents are boring." 」
Opponents who concede defeat from the beginning can only be eliminated from this game.
Maybe you often hear female friends around you complain —
"He's changed, not as enthusiastic as he used to be, and he definitely doesn't love me anymore"
"He always said that he was working overtime, and the time to come back was getting late, was he cheating?"
"I called him a few times and he didn't answer, is he talking to other girls?"
Many women are deeply involved in the trivialities and complaints of these lives every day, suffering from loss and insecurity, and falling into the denial of self-worth step by step.
They base their happiness and future on another person, and unconsciously use flattery and patience to morally kidnap a relationship.
I hope to earn back a little difference in feelings, but in the end I am only moved by myself, and it is still myself who is treated badly.
02
Feelings are like a two-person, three-legged long-distance run
Not long ago, Ms. Lin Wanzhen, who had been silent for 50 years, finally decided to tell the story of the past that had been sealed for many years with Qiong Yao and Ping Xintao in "Past Floating Light".
The introduction to "Past Floating Light" reads, "She also remembers that love is giving, happiness is making the person she loves feel happy, and she thought that life would go on like this until 'that person' appeared." It is not difficult to see that dedication and dedication are the marriage ways that Lin Wanzhen has always believed in.
In the book, Lin Wanzhen spends a lot of time describing her dedication to this family and Peace Xintao in the first half of her life:
She had never cooked before marriage, and after marriage, she could spend 2 hours walking through half of Taipei to buy enough ingredients for a pickled dish that Ping Xintao wanted to eat, and spend 3 hours making the taste that her husband liked.
After marrying Ping Xintao, Lin Wanzhen completely centered on her husband and children, ran this poor family, and let her husband struggle for his career without worries.
And the time when Lin Wanzhen and Ping Xintao shared was wrongly paid after all.
Even at the age of 80, she still doesn't understand why she is so good, paying so much, Ping Xintao still has to cheat.
And after knowing that Ping Xintao split her legs, she could continue to endure for thirteen years, just waiting for her husband's return.
The book talks about a detail, once after marriage, Ping Xintao asked her to watch a movie, she prepared diaper milk powder four hours in advance, a person dragged a big and a small two children, tossing and turning, the result was still five minutes late.
Ping Xintao's first words when he saw her were: The beginning is gone.
Completely disregarding how hard it was for her to go out with two children as a woman, and how much she needed his help.
After the whole family was seated, fortunately, there were more advertisements at the beginning and did not delay the movie, but Lin Wanzhen's idea at this time was "secretly glad that Xintao should not blame me."
So you see, her relationship with Ping Xintao has always been unequal. Lin Wanzhen's caution and flattery are so obvious that they are humble enough to be seen through by men.
Ping Xintao was not without admiration for Lin Wanzhen. Lin Wanzhen, who has been immersed in the smell of fireworks for too long, has been unable to keep up with his pace, but Qiong Yao's talent has attracted him and finally achieved his career.
The gap between them in Pinglin was getting bigger and bigger, Lin Wanzhen felt like an enamel pot, which was no longer suitable for the table, and Ping Xintao already liked Qiong Yao's bone china bowl.
Waiting for idle changes but the old people's hearts, but the old people's hearts are changeable. Life is destined not to be as it first seems. Relying on others to give you a sense of security is the most insecure thing in the world.
So even if Lin Wanzhen can make another step back, in the end, the two still divorce.
In "The First Half of My Life", Tang Jing also said something like this:
Two people together, the person who progresses quickly, will always get rid of the person who stands still, because people's instincts say that they hope to explore life more, the extension and connotation of life.
Feelings are like a two-person three-legged long-distance run, the test is not only the tacit understanding and fit of the two people's spirit, but also to maintain the consistency of action, the unity of the stride, in order to move forward side by side, thin water and long flow.
03
Put feathers on your cat rope
Anyone who has raised a cat knows that the owner of the cat, like a man, is an animal that cannot be tied.
If you don't listen to orders, you won't be afraid, you won't be afraid. The closer you get to it, the colder it gets. But it also has the characteristic that it will be tempted to chase.
If a feather is attached to one end of the rope, the cat will get up and start chasing.
In the world of marriage, improving the value of cat rope, that is, the value of you can attract each other, is also the classic cat rope theory.
How can women increase their value and sense of security?
Many women always think that it is enough to get a man with a beautiful face.
But this is actually the stupidest and lowest-level approach. Israel can do things to others for a few days.
A person who has a sense of security in his heart does not need to obtain peace and satisfaction through external affirmation.
And no matter how beautiful the face is, it will always look tired and old. Those who are still elegant and intellectually attractive young girls who are not weak at the age of 40 rely on continuous learning and improving their own heritage, which is called living beautifully.
"Casablanca" says that your current temperament hides the roads you have traveled, the books you have read, and the people you have loved.
Use your self-pity time to read a book, and you will find that your world is no longer just the joys and sorrows of one person.
Women who love to read can really become more and more beautiful and stronger.
And with the precipitation of time, those who see through the world can make this confidence and strength more and more fragrant, which is the sense of security that no one can take away.
Even if you end up falling into cumbersome and washing away the lead, the same work, but there is a different state of mind, the same family, but there is a different mood, the same offspring, but a different quality. ——Yang Lan
Yes, the books I have read will not fail any girl who strives to be better and better.
But the reality is that whether it is love or friendship, people are paying more and more attention to spiritual communication.
Blind date, marriage and love, everyone will value "chat", if you blindly stay in place, do not change yourself, where is your sense of security?