The first man she loved was Jiang Ren, a married widowed teacher 25 years older than her. He and her second husband are in love, but they have become competitors.
Qiong Yao was lucky, Qiong Yao was born in Shuxiang Mendi.
Her father was a university professor of Chinese history, and her mother was a lover of classical poetry. Their combination has a very legendary and romantic color - it is a popular teacher-student love in the Republic of China era, just like Shen Congwen fell in love with Zhang Zhaohe, just like Lu Xun chose Xu Guangping. They broke through the barrier and got married, and her mother soon became pregnant, and she came to the world smoothly, accompanying her twin brother. Her father named her "Zhe", which means double happiness at the door. She also has a nickname called "Phoenix", the male bird is "Phoenix", the female bird is "Phoenix", the phoenix is flying, and the love is loyal.
However, Qiong Yao was unfortunate, and when she was a child, she encountered eight years of resistance against Japan, and followed her parents to flee in all directions. The burning and murder of Japanese devils, the separation of grandfathers, the helpless murder of cousins, the sudden disappearance of brothers, the desperate throwing of parents into the river... How many times have they passed by the god of death.
In 1944, at the age of six, Qiong Yao, with the whole family - grandfather, father and mother, older brother, younger brother... The journey of fleeing began. In that year, the Japanese army launched the Battle of Yuxianggui. Hengyang, where the ancestral house of the Qiong Yao family is located, is the place where the two armies fought a decisive battle. The Tenth Army of the Chinese army held the city for forty-seven days, and finally the city was destroyed due to poor reinforcements.
Before fleeing, Qiong Yao gave her mother one of her most cherished small pennants and hid it in the attic of the boarding farmhouse, because everyone said that the farmer had nothing and the Japanese would not rob the place.
Sure enough, the Japanese did not loot, they burned the whole village. This was just the beginning of the suffering in Qiong Yao's memory.
Between Qiong Yao's words, decades later, you can still read the misery of an ordinary family at the time of the fall of the home country.
During the escape, Qiong Yao witnessed death for the first time. Outside the ravine, there was a sudden crisp gunshot, and then a figure flashed past the pine we were covering. We were all frightened, forgot to cry, forgot to scream, and in an instant there was silence in the ravine, and I looked out through the crack in the pine tree and saw the man running--an ordinary peasant, with blood dripping from his legs, running away with a limp, and then, with a shout of the Japanese, another row of gunshots, and the farmer fell. I froze, learning for the first time how death could come suddenly, and seeing blood flowing out of a living human body for the first time. ”
Then, they were surrounded and searched by the Japanese army, and all the property was robbed, and even Qiong Yao's mother was almost taken captive by the Japanese army. As soon as he turned to his polite father, he immediately broke out, and he suddenly rushed over, hugged his mother, and yelled at the Japanese soldier: "Let go!" You beast! Let go! "It all happened so fast that I saw the Japanese soldier raise his wooden stick and stick it to his father, who stood unsteadily, and the ravine was another slope that sloped downwards, and my father fell down, and rolled down the slope. Grandfather couldn't bear it anymore and rushed forward, and the Japanese soldiers struck him again and knocked him down the slope, and then he continued to grab his mother and drag her outside the ravine. The mother grasped the grass on both sides of the ravine with her hands and cried and fell to the ground. As I watched my father and grandfather being beaten and my mother being taken away again, the feelings of fear, anger, and helplessness suddenly weighed down on me, and I pulled my mother's clothes with my hands and cried loudly. At the same time, Qilin and the little brother both pounced, hugged their mother's legs respectively, and also cried loudly, our three children, this cry was earth-shattering, we cried while shouting: "Mother don't go!" Mom don't go! ”“
It was only because Qiong Yao's younger brother happened to be the same age as the child of the Japanese officer who led the team, which stirred his compassion, that the family escaped this difficulty.
She is not very beautiful. She was born premature and remained in an incubator for twenty days before surviving. In adolescence, she was not pretty either. Beauty's standard watery eyes have nothing to do with her. Linglong's upright and upright nose was hanging, and she didn't play. Except for a little red in the cherry, her appearance is lackluster, and there is really nothing to be desired. Friends and relatives often say: Oops, born so ugly, no one will want it in the future, and it will not be able to marry!
She was very uncomfortable in her ears. Look at the brother and sister next to you, all of them are pink makeup jade, handsome appearance. He is also talented and intelligent, and he is very pleasing to everyone. She subconsciously realized that she could not be the pride of her parents. In this way, inferiority is deeply rooted in the bone marrow and injected into the blood. She became sensitive and cowardly, introverted and shy. So she immersed herself in classical literature. The elegance of Tang poetry, the elegance of Song Ci, and the flow of Yuanqu were singed by her young and became bright embellishments in the spiritual world.
The rush of childhood affected her enlightenment education, especially in mathematics, physics and chemistry subjects, her academic performance was very poor, how bad? The mathematical, physical and chemical examinations are either a few points or a few tens.
Later, she went to junior high school and she went to high school. She couldn't keep up with anything but Guowen. If she was born into an ordinary family, poor learning is not too much of a problem. However, she was born in a family of scholars, her father was already a university professor at this time, how can such a family tolerate such a scum, and what is more fatal is that she also has a super bully sister who scored a full score in the exam, which is in stark contrast with her.
It's not that she doesn't work hard, but she doesn't have Huigen in math, physics, and chemistry. Her parents did not trust her, because at the age of five she could explain what the ancient poem "Midnight and Midnight Crying, The Hearer is Sad"; at the age of nine, she published her first novel in the Ta Kung Pao, "Poor Little Qing", and her family was moved to tears when they read it. If she worked hard enough, concentrated enough, and worked hard enough, how could she not be as good as the other two children. What's more, the family genes are so good: her great-grandfather was a late Qing Dynasty Hanlin; her grandfather was a celebrity of Huguang culture; her maternal grandfather was the father of China's banking industry, who once ran the Bank of Communications; and her uncle was the imperial teacher of the Xuantong Emperor and was famous. She had no reason to go to the side, she had no excuse not to argue. In particular, she was inexplicably depressed all day, looking like a malnourished Lin Daiyu.
If she was an ordinary girl, it would be fine.
However, she has superhuman awareness, perception, and comprehension, she has a daiyu-like sensitivity, fragility, sentimentality, a heartless look from her parents, teachers, and classmates, a lightly descripted word, and a subtle action, and she immediately understands the meaning.
To put it bluntly, in the eyes of adults, she is "made", she is "done", she is disease-free moaning, temperament.
Little by little, the examinations increased her sense of inferiority, frustration, and despair, and her heart fell, fell, fell, and fell into a bottomless well day by day.
Lazy, without any positive energy. At school, she wore an old dress changed from her mother's cheongsam all day long, lifeless, pale, and out of place with her energetic classmates. She also gave birth to a glass heart that was shattered at the touch.
At this time, the father was fully engaged in his own education, busy with teaching, lecturing, and publishing books; the mother fully assisted the father's career, took care of the housework, and was tired of taking care of his two naughty younger brothers. As the eldest daughter, how can she pray for her parents' understanding, comfort and attention.
Finally, a 20-point exam paper completely overwhelmed her. At this moment, she was standing in front of the house with a 20-point exam paper in her pocket, while the little sister in the house was crying because she had scored 98 points. Where is the face? Where is the face?
That night, her frustration, despair, and helplessness reached its peak, and at the age of 16, she chose to commit suicide.
However, the door of death has not been opened to her, and the dark path of life will continue, at this time, writing has become her only outlet. Although her grades in mathematics, physics and chemistry were poor, her Chinese language scores were getting better and better, which finally added a bright color to her academic career.
Young girls who are young and young are not noticed, accepted, encouraged, and liked. She felt that she was not good enough to foil the good of others. She couldn't find the love she longed for in the family, so she simply went outside to find it.
She found her first lover in life.
One is a student and one is a teacher.
One is an 18-year-old fancy girl, and the other is a 45-year-old middle-aged uncle;
A melancholy, talented;
A well-read poet and a learned man.
Because they understand, because they appreciate, because they pity, two lonely hearts, two lonely souls, are irremediably close to each other. The fire of love burns and is unstoppable, regardless of age, regardless of identity, regardless of morality, just because you are you.
The man who was 25 years older than her was jiang mingren. He married in his youth, but unfortunately his wife and children died in the war years. He was single and taught for seven years, and he was not confused.
Originally, he simply taught his Mandarin, she simply studied her course. Xu is that her compositional expression ability is too good, especially in the introduction of scriptures has a finishing effect. Teacher Jiang Ren appreciated her and praised her greatly. Lonely, she felt warmth, triggering a romantic reverie. The teacher felt that he had found a material that could be made, and he had the heart to cultivate frequent guidance. The two often get along in their spare time, gradually watching the snow and watching the stars and watching the moon, from poetry and songs to life philosophy, and accidentally talking about the spark of love.
Middle-aged men have long understood that everything is predetermined, and if it is not predetermined, it will be abolished. She has also understood that "girlish feelings are always spring", and she just needs the emotional comfort of getting rid of heavy academic and family pressures. However, this little girl has an aggressive precociousness, she is weak and fragile in appearance, sensual and willful, but she has a sensitivity and dexterity beyond her age in both sexes. The gentle and obscene nightmare in his heart is awakened, just like Humbert in the movie "Lolita", facing the newly developing girl, becoming crazy and crazy, becoming a young child with a mentality of eighteen years old and an IQ of only eight years old.
At the time when the love between teachers and students was not accepted, the determination of parents to oppose was also fierce and overwhelming. Coupled with the fact that she failed the college entrance examination, she was desperate in her heart and once again chose to commit suicide. Once again, he was saved by his family.
The mother, like a female beast protecting the little beast under her knees, blamed Jiang Ren for all the crimes and sued him to the police station for "seducing underage girls". The charges were not established because of the lack of factual relations. Her mother filed another complaint with the Ministry of Education, saying that he had "abducted students" in vain, and after the Ministry of Education accepted it, dismissed the teacher.
She was shocked, she didn't understand, she asked, why can her mother fall in love with her Mandarin teacher, but she can't fall in love with her Mandarin teacher? The mother used a slight delaying tactic to test her love with her teacher for a year period, and at the same time required her to enter college. She only had to agree, and Jiang Ren had to go away to find another livelihood. On the eve of their separation, they agreed to reunite at a designated place on the day of her twentieth birthday.
Under the bitter prayer of her mother, she agreed to take the college entrance examination again.
She couldn't squeeze in the door of death, and she couldn't squeeze in the door of the university, and she ushered in the second time in her life.
This time, she made up her mind that she would never knock on the door of the university again in her life.
This year, she was 20 years old.
This year, a boy broke into her world.
It was a boy from the Department of Foreign Languages of National Taiwan University, Qingjun, who was obsessed with literature and loved to write, which was quite consistent with her interests, and belonged to the sunny and handsome hot-blooded boy. He stumbled into her life and brought her long-lost laughter. After seven months together, she agreed to his marriage proposal. This relationship was opposed by her parents - Qingjun's family was poor, and it is not an exaggeration to describe it as poor. She didn't care. She praised the fluency and vividness of his essays and the readability of his short stories. He was not unemployed, and at least had a job teaching at a church school in Taipei. In time, how could he know that he would not become the second Yasunari Kawabata or Lu Xun? Her parents couldn't do anything about her this time. They walked into the church hand in hand.
After getting married, they found a small house with a cheap rent and built a small family. The little couple, whose literary cells filled their bodies, at first saw the weeds and bamboo hedges near the house, and the green mountains that were leisurely visible, and could use Tao Yuanming's poems to dispel their sufferings. But life is very realistic.
After the newlywed Yan'er, the trivialities and mediocrity of reality followed. They are stretched thin between chai rice oil and salt. Qingjun's salary can only be held up for more than half a month. She was unemployed at home, a full-time housewife. They often live a life of eating and drinking, and only maintaining basic survival. By writing articles and publishing, they get paid for their writing, so it has become an extremely important thing in their lives.
She wrote smoothly. She was highly accomplished in classical literature, specializing in the "supplement" of newspapers, writing some "small novels" of about three thousand words, and from time to time she could turn them into lead characters for banknotes. He can't, his "bloody ambition", "family and country feelings", "realism", "gentleman's sentiments" make him easy not to drop the pen, as soon as the pen is written, he is inspired to write works with depth, strength and perfection. And his work is hard to write, and it is even more difficult to publish.
Later, their home was stolen. The thief stole everything of value from the house. Qingjun had to give up teaching and writing, changed her career to translation, and her family life improved, and she also got a quiet creative environment. But their feelings began to get bad. Qingjun's bitterness of giving up his hobbies filled his heart with frustration. They quarrel frequently, and a small matter of sesame green beans can become a fuse. Later, he was sent abroad by the company, and she also gave birth to a son.
Alone with the baby, she held the child in one hand and the pen in the other, busy becoming a superman, and also had a rich source of creation.
Finally, her first novel, Lovers Valley, was published in Crown magazine. She gained a strong sense of confidence. She also wrote a novel based on her story with Jiang Ren as the novel "Outside the Window", which continued to be published in magazines. For a time, it caused a sensation on treasure island. Unexpectedly, my husband flew back to Taiwan from Europe and the United States. After their reunion, the conflict became more serious.
Qingjun lost his self-motivation and indulged in gambling, losing nine times out of ten. She was angry, she accused him, and he retorted: You can ignore my feelings, render your first love and beautify it to the world, you can also portray me as a jealous and irritable man, and raped you in marriage, how did you ever think about how my circle would examine me?
She was speechless. He didn't return all night. The rift in their marriage is getting bigger and bigger. In a newspaper supplement, Qingjun published an article scolding her, "The Husband of a Female Writer", describing her as extremely unbearable. She couldn't control his gambling addiction, nor could she change his neuroticism, and in the pain, she went crazy writing.
At the age of 26, he published four books: "Several Degrees of Sunset Red", "Smoke and Rain", "Six Dreams", and "Silk Flower".
In her pen, love is the reason why human beings can live strongly. A woman's most complete life is to get a lover who loves you, cares for you, spoils you, and dies for you. For example, Zhu Shiyao's inseparability to Du Xiaoshuang in "On the Side of the Water"; such as Lu Zhenhua's lifelong nostalgia for Pingping in "Smoke and Rain"; such as the three brothers of the Zhou family chasing Wanjun in "Pursuit", which is unforgettable... The protagonists of her novels are all good boys and girls who do not eat fireworks in the world, do not worry about milk bread, do not care about worldly vision, and come and go like butterflies in Zhang Ailing's pen to find the flowers that symbolize their past lives - soul mates.
This style deeply attracted the president, editor-in-chief and publisher of "Crown" Ping Xintao. "Crown" is a very influential private literary and art magazine in Taiwan, which has cultivated a large number of outstanding writers, such as Zhang Ailing, Gao Yang, Ni Kuang, Sanmao and so on... However, on the follow-up route of the "Mandarin Duck Butterfly Sect" after May Fourth, Ping Xintao felt that no one had more potential and space for development than the fledgling in front of her. He immediately sent her an invitation to travel from Kaohsiung to Taipei for an interview on television.
She was grateful for his kindness and agreed to move forward. Under Ping Xintao's arrangement, she was interviewed by the TV station. This on-the-spot contact transformed her and Ping Xintao from the relationship between ordinary authors and magazine editors into a special relationship of knowing each other and having a good feeling for each other.
After that, her marriage to Qingjun could not survive. After five years together, the love is no longer there, and only a chicken feather is left. She distributed the property and took her son with her. Commenting on the short life of this marriage, she believes: "We were wrong at the beginning, because two people did not have a deep foundation in love, the time of acquaintance was very short, and more importantly, we should not both obsessively write." ”
But she avoids one key point: In addition to writing, the young ones don't quite understand the idea of a place for each other. If you have more empathy for the other person, more empathy, or more patience and love, the marriage may not end.
After losing her marriage, she returned to Taipei, where she lived as a teenager. On the one hand, I think of my mother's family, and on the other hand, I want to contact the publishing house for convenience. At Ping Xintao's suggestion, she rented two floors and went all out to write. Ping Xintao made a plan for her, writing one in the first half of the month and another in the second half of the month for serialization. She did as she was told. Xu was to repay the kindness of knowing the encounter, and she gave all her manuscripts to the magazine sponsored by Ping Xintao in the case of many letters of appointment. For a time, everyone in Taiwan read "The Crown" like a bright sun, she fattened a publishing house, and she also wanted to enter the film circle.
The movie "Wanjun Cousin" made Tang Baoyun's reputation greatly enhanced; "Outside the Window" made Lin Qingxia a hit; "Courtyard Deep" made Gui Yalei enter the public eye; "Girlfriend" made Qin Xianglin a male god in the minds of thousands of young girls... She seems to have a gold finger, writing a book red, hand-picking a star red one. Her influence is growing, taking advantage of the situation to cooperate with Ping Xintao to create Firebird Film and Television, and there is a superstar film and television. Under her leadership, "Crown" has become the most successful brand in the Chinese literary circle, which can not only brew literature based on life, but also start filming and television based on literature, and then feed back the Chinese people, which is popular.
She became more and more temperamental. As a female writer, she is placed under the aura of fame and fortune, and she has an intellectual and elegant charm with her hands and feet, and her face is full of bright and vivid confidence. The world-class beauty Lin Qingxia sat with her, and she did not even lose in terms of aura. Yi Shuben was disdainful of her writing, after seeing her, he sincerely evaluated: she is a very old-fashioned lady type, wearing a dress and wearing an old style, very girly, taking pictures is always sipping her mouth, folding her hands, tail fingers are orchid-like, much younger than Zhang Ailing, her posture is older than Zhang Ailing, several eyeliners on her eyes are black and white, looking at it, I feel that it is worthy of the name, and the text is like its person...
She became more and more attracted to Ping Xintao. Ping Xintao originally had a gentle and virtuous wife, not only gave birth to three children for him, but also the mother's family was a wealthy weaver, her own higher education, ink creation of the flower feathers and scales of the spirit of the delicate, elegant, but also beautiful. In that year, Ping Xintao founded the Crown Magazine, and his wife Lin Wanzhen undertook it from the recruitment of personnel to the support of funds, so that her husband's career was on the right track. Handling housework, Lin Wanzhen belongs to the decathlon, and her cooking skills alone will impress her relatives and friends. However, all of this gradually became the rice sticky on the clothes in Ping Xintao's eyes, and she became a cinnabar mole in his heart that was red as blood.
What he thought, she was not unaware. She has always preached in the text that there is no place to be affectionate, everywhere and there is no emotion, she is very fortunate that life is cruel enough to let her fall to the bottom, only then do she have the courage to climb up slowly, she has climbed to the peak of her career, there is no reason to complete a humble love.
She deliberately avoided it, and he chased after it. She was a single aristocrat who had the opportunity to choose another person at any time.
He unleashed a series of romantic, atomic bomb-like offensives against her. She fell out of harmony with her mother, who went on a hunger strike. He came up with the idea of letting her son carry milk to persuade her; every time she adapted her work to make a movie, he naturally did his best to escort her. She loves to exaggerate and show off all the good things in life, he gives her gifts every three to five minutes, one moment is a crystal clear "purple shell" (which matches her novel "Purple Shell"),the other is a pure white Jingbai puppy (corresponding to her dog-loving heroine); she does not want to fall into a love triangle, proposes to break up, he is angry, and simply drives the car to jump off the cliff...
He completely satisfied all her fantasies of love, more entangled and compassionate than the love she wrote. She was finally chaotic, finally sinking, whether from interests or from body or feelings. She became a full-fledged third party. She was not willing to be a third party for a lifetime.
She maintained her cooperation with him and continued to entangle with him. When other people appear, she will consider it without saying a word. She will also show her unhappiness in the emotional world into one miserable love after another to the reader. Thus there was a gentle and jade prince who was forced to marry a princess who was rich and noble, but he was deeply in love with the talented and beautiful little family jasper, and the original white lotus flowers that were like snakes and scorpions were tortured to death by those "thin life and pity Qing Qing as concubines" ("Plum Blossom Branding", "Biyun Tian", "Crescent Moon Grid").
She got a lot of scolding and earned a lot of sympathy. With the passage of time, he made up his mind to divorce her, and with a strong attitude, she chased her into hand, and she turned into a serf and sang, like a strong vine firmly entangled in the throne of mainstream discourse.
The year they were married, she was forty-nine and he was fifty-two. Original sin seems to be whitewashed and happiness is blooming. Is this the truth?
"The most beautiful but the sunset red" marriage, she should get the most ideal years of stability, reality is quiet. As she said, there are three more in their married life: more flowers, more paintings, and more words. Ping Xintao likes to send flowers to her, and every time she celebrates her birthday, she will definitely receive hundreds of flowers specially selected by him, but he does not remember the birthdays of children and grandchildren. Ping Xintao likes to travel and prefers to take her on a trip. They went for a stroll on the beaches on the west coast of the United States, went to Hokkaido to see the snow together, and enjoyed the wildflowers on the roadside, the new greenery in the trees, the babbling brooks, the vast land and the sunset in the sky. They both cherish each other very much, rarely quarrel, rarely separate, and the two people's lives are warm and romantic.
Unfortunately, they are all old. After Ping Xintao's flower armor, his body gradually weakened. Long-term illness, need people to take care of. In particular, Ping Xintao suffered from vascular dementia and was hospitalized for more than 400 days, and she once complained on Facebook that she was on the verge of collapse and was in pain. More deliberately jump off the building to die, let yourself be born like a spark, die like a snowflake, even if it turns into a blood flower.
It wasn't until Ping Xintao's children jumped out and posted the truth that everyone knew that the husband in her eyes had become a soulless flesh and blood, and it turned out that she could not remember her after suffering from Alzheimer's disease. He could no longer say "I love you" to her, nor could he give her another smile, and she felt that "heaven and earth have become nothing", thinking that he was critically ill and better than euthanasia.
She has indeed never changed from beginning to end, just like the adolescent girls she wrote about who kept asking for love and constantly asking "do you love me", never cared what was the flesh-and-blood affection, what was the moral kindness of the iron shoulder, she just wanted those storms and thunder, those burning, those earth-shattering looks beautiful and beautiful, but she was not willing to unconditionally choose to share the fate of the pillow people...
Childhood ups and downs, middle-aged love ups and downs, Qiong Yao's life is a legend.
"Love" is her faith; "writing" is her dream.
Love will make people soft; dreams will make people strong, only by adhering to love and dreams can we soothe all the sorrows on the road of life and usher in the dawn of life.