Now, it's up to you
Author: Chen Ruoyu Source: Chen Ruoyu
My name is Zhou Lu.
In 2018, May 23, the day I took wedding photos with my fiancé Li Yuan, I suddenly received a WeChat message just after I finished putting on makeup.
Teacher Lin, the homeroom teacher of the junior high school, asked me: Shen Jingyang is dead, do you know?
My heart suddenly stagnated, as if I didn't know this line, stared at it for a long time, and then my brain slowly received this signal, and then I was completely confused.
Next, Teacher Lin sent a large paragraph to explain Shen Jingyang's death.
Because of the fresh makeup, I did not dare to cry, my walking dead was taken by the makeup assistant, walked to Li Yuan's side, and Li Yuan, who was dressed in a suit and leather, showed a stunning look and full of love in his eyes.
Because everything was ready, I couldn't cancel today's trip, I could only take wedding photos, come according to the photographer's request, laugh until my face stiffened, and when I went back to remove my makeup, I finally couldn't help but collapse and cry in the bathroom.
Shen Jingyang is a man I have loved all my youth.
Shen Jingyang and I are junior high school classmates.
Because we all like to read novels and often share the same novel, the class teacher, Mr. Lin, likes my keenness in literature, and my reading comprehension is always full of marks.
At that time, Shen Jingyang and I just played together, read books together, everyone was in love when we were in love, some classmates looked for Teacher Lin to make a small report, and Teacher Lin told me to go to the office.
It was noon, there was no one in the office, I trembled and thought that Teacher Lin would discipline me, but I did not expect that she told me a lot of things about early love, so that we should focus on learning.
I had to tell Teacher Lin that we weren't in love.
After that, I told Shen Jingyang about this, but he said, "Then we will fall in love when we grow up." ”
I was stunned for a moment and blushed.
Outside the classroom, the September sun shone softly and fell on his face, shining brightly.
Later, Shen Jingyang and I have always been like confidants, and we have been admitted to the best high school in the county, and we have naturally begun to fall in love.
Later, we were admitted to each other's favorite universities, but not in the same city.
Long-distance relationships do not affect our feelings in the slightest, we see each other once a month, work together in winter and summer, and take a short trip before school starts.
We have not had the slightest doubt about our future.
But perhaps, everything is too smooth, and the subsequent disaster is also reasonable.
After graduating from college, Shen Jingyang temporarily decided to go to graduate school, and I only wanted to get married, although only 22 years old, but we have been in love for 5 years, Shen Jingyang has always been better than me, during college, he studied academics, won a lot of awards, and a lot of bonuses, plus a long long-distance relationship made me less secure.
There are also friends around me to persuade me to seize the potential stock of Shen Jingyang, in case he wants to break up, all my efforts are in vain.
Therefore, it is not impossible for me to insist on getting married and then going to graduate school, but Shen Jingyang said that getting married means more responsibility for each other's families, and he only wants to go to graduate school without distraction, and then he plans to start a business.
We have a disagreement on this matter.
Differences make us often argue, and disputes make our hearts farther and farther apart.
Finally, I said break up without getting married.
This is the only time I have mentioned a breakup, like most girls, there is a threatening element, betting on whether he still loves me or not.
But Shen Jingyang agreed to break up.
My parents, including everyone around me who knew me and Shen Jingyang, said it was his treachery.
As a result, I developed mixed feelings of hatred for him, and I also had my pride, so even when I was so sad that I needed to take sleeping pills to fall asleep, I never went to Shen Jingyang, and even when Shen Jingyang contacted me, I refused to answer the phone.
I want him to regret it, to regret losing me, and I want to be a regret in his youth and even in his life later.
I wrapped myself up like a silkworm.
At the same time, I began to work hard not to participate in any class reunions related to Shen Jingyang.
But the town is too small, there are too many mutual friends, I still know his news, know that he was admitted, know that he graduated, know that he went to Shanghai, worked in a large company, knew that he was promoted, and knew that he resigned to start a business.
But we've never had a positive connection.
At the age of 26, I met Li Yuan, a new junior in my company, and I was already a deputy director.
He is not as good as Shen Jingyang, nor is he as handsome as Shen Jingyang, but he is on par with me, plus I have forgotten Shen Jingyang and have a good feeling for Li Yuan, so under Li Yuan's fierce attack, he finally began a new relationship.
The first time they kissed, Li Yuan said I was his first love.
I said very frankly, "You are not my first love." ”
Li Yuan smiled: "It doesn't matter, what era is it now?" ”
I certainly don't think it's okay, just be honest.
People will always compare in their hearts, Li Yuan is not as good as Shen Jingyang in many places, but he also has his advantages, in order to keep up with me, start to read the books I have read, make up my Douban movie list, and understand everything I like.
Soon, my good feelings for Li Yuan turned into love and dependence.
In fact, although Shen Jingyang and I have been in love for five years, the time we have spent together is less than a year. The mutual we see will always be the best side of ourselves.
But I am different from Li Yuan, after we live together, we quickly show our worst side, and we will quarrel and argue like all couples, but soon reconciled, we will go downstairs to breakfast together, we will watch a movie together on the sofa until we fall asleep, and at twelve o'clock in the middle of the night, rush downstairs to find a barbecue stall.
In short, our cohabitation life is full of fireworks, which is a warmth that Shen Jingyang has never had in five years together.
Li Yuan always likes to show affection in the circle of friends, and will also go online to learn to take pictures and retouch pictures, showing me perfectly in his circle of friends, and I will also send his photos.
Our relationship went well, and as we got older, we quickly met each other's parents and agreed on getting married.
Li Yuan searched for a bunch of wedding photos on the Internet, and personally went to select the photo studio, even the typesetting went to learn, all of it, he did everything, let me be particularly moved.
We chose May to take wedding photos, the date was set by him, said that it is not cold or hot and not too sunny, just right.
But who knows, I will receive the news of Shen Jingyang's death on the day of the wedding photo.
Although I laughed desperately, the finished photo of the wedding photo was still very poor.
When we went to choose the film the next day, we had a hard time choosing a few pictures to watch.
On the way back, Li Yuan couldn't help it.
He suddenly stopped, very concerned, and very seriously asked me: "Zhou Lu, what the hell happened?" Since taking wedding photos yesterday, you've been wrong. ”
I stayed there and didn't know what to say, did I say, is my ex-boyfriend dead?
We are about to get married, and I don't want this to affect Li Yuan's mood.
Seeing that I didn't speak, Li Yuan suddenly said, "Don't you want to marry me?" ”
I noticed that when he said this, there was a hint of panic in his tone, and I immediately retorted: "How come, of course I want to marry you." ”
Li Yuan was visibly relieved, "Then what the hell is wrong with you, we are all going to get married, what can't we say?" ”
I hesitated and said, "I'm afraid, you're going to be unhappy." ”
Li Yuan's face changed, and he said, "You, have you split your legs?" ”
I froze and shook my head, "How could I be, am I this kind of person?" ”
Li Yuan breathed a sigh of relief again, "Then what are you going to say, what is the matter?" ”
I thought, I couldn't hide it, so I said it, of course, I omitted all the details of my love affair with Shen Jingyang, just said that we were in love, and yesterday I learned that he died.
As I spoke, I still involuntarily blushed, so I immediately apologized to Li Yuan: "I'm sorry." ”
Unexpectedly, Li Yuan said, "Why do you apologize?" ”
I looked at him in surprise, and he suddenly put his hands on my shoulders and said, "If you suddenly know that a person you once liked has passed away, but you don't have any sadness, I feel that you like this are not worthy of my love." After all, you liked him before you met me. ”
Li Yuan's answer directly made me cry, and I hugged Li Yuan tightly, and finally couldn't help but cry bitterly.
I said, "Of course I don't like him anymore, but I can't help but feel sad to think that he's disappeared from this world." ”
Li Yuan patted me on the back, "You can be sad, but you can't be sad for too long." Otherwise, it would be me who would be upset. ”
I hugged Li Yuan deadly and did not let go.
After crying bitterly, the emotions were released, and I really accepted the death of Shen Jingyang, I chatted with Teacher Lin, and Teacher Lin pulled me into a group.
It was the junior high school students who were discussing that Shen Jingyang's body had been transported back to his hometown from Shanghai, and they were going to mourn Shen Jingyang's affairs, and when they saw me come in, the class leader asked me if I could go.
I hesitated for a moment and asked Li Yuan, "Can I go?" ”
Li Yuan said, "If you want to go, go." ”
I said, "If you're unhappy with anything, I'm not going." ”
Li Yuan said: "If I don't have any emotions, it means that I don't love you, but if I don't let you go, I will be too stingy." But you have to promise me one condition. ”
Li Yuan said: "When the time comes, take a new wedding photo, I don't want our wedding photos, you are such a fake smile." ”
My nose was sour, and I rushed over and hugged Li Yuan.
Teacher Lin said that Shen Jingyang died suddenly because he stayed up late.
When he was discovered, he was still doing market data analysis because he was about to have a big project, but now everything is in vain.
On the day of the farewell of the body, many students in the class went, and the scene of the past was in front of me, just like yesterday, Shen Jingyang's face was covered, and I finally couldn't help but hide in the bathroom and cry.
Shen Jingyang's parents saw me, came over and grabbed my hand, and cried bitterly, saying that if Shen Jingyang had married me at that time and stayed in his hometown, maybe this kind of thing would not have happened.
The tears I had just held back surged down again.
At that time, when we were in love, Shen Jingyang's parents liked me very much, and our relationship has always been good, and when we broke up, Shen Jingyang's parents also specifically told me that I was sorry.
At that time, I really felt that Shen Jingyang was sorry for me, but now I don't think so.
No one wastes anyone's youth, and no one should compensate for whose youth loss, after all, love is willing, even if there is a relationship, it is a common choice, there is nothing to take advantage of.
Soon, Shen Jingyang was sent to the funeral home by his father and brother, and after the classmates left one after another, I accompanied Shen Jingyang's mother to the end.
Shen Jingyang's mother said, "After you broke up, he was busy with work and never fell in love again." I urged him to come back for a blind date, and he refused to come back. Your pictures, the things you sent him, he still has..."
As she spoke, Shen Jingyang's mother couldn't help but cry again.
I also slowly shed tears.
It turned out that after the breakup, he never loved anyone else.
Regarding the death of Shen Jingyang, I still need some time to digest it, but after the sadness, my life will continue.
The wedding date was approaching, and Li Yuan and I planned to focus on taking wedding photos, but he took into account my emotions and delayed until he had to take wedding photos.
Because he said, I hope I can be happy.
After getting married, I signed up for a class specializing in CPR, and Li Yuan asked me why I learned this.
I said, "Now many people die suddenly, and if something happens to you, I can save you. ”
Li Yuan suddenly hugged me, "Then I can also learn, and I can also save you." Artificial respiration, isn't that the case? ”
He put me on the couch and tried to give me artificial respiration, and I smiled and ducked away.
After the joke, I thought of Shen Jingyang again, if he had a girlfriend around at that time and sent him to the hospital in time, would he be able to save his life?
Unfortunately, no matter what I assume, his departure has become a fact.
I hope that in the next life, he can live a long life.
-- END --
Source: Chen Ruoyu . Journal author, member of Fujian Provincial Writers Association, an old fairy who loves to write stories, public number: Chen Ruoyu