Hello everyone, I'm Ann.
I just celebrated my 29th birthday last month. At the moment of blowing out the candles, I hope that my family will be healthy, I hope that my work will go smoothly and I will earn more money, and I hope that life will be more happy. I said many expectations, big and small, but it seemed that I didn't have any hopes for marriage.
I still remember when I was very young, the elders of the family once half-jokingly said to me: "Don't learn from your sister in the future, you are not in love when you are old." At that time, I did not understand things, and I swore that I would respond: "Definitely not."
But back to the present, 2020 to 2022 is the peak period for my friends around me to get married, and I have participated in 6 weddings alone. When everyone is stepping into the next stage of life, they are married, pregnant, and have a second child. I am the only one who consistently enjoys the life of a person.
I'm not afraid of marriage, but as I grow up, I seem to understand my sister's mentality more and more.
I have the ability to live independently and don't need others to solve my problems of food, clothing, shelter and transportation. Having enough emotional and spiritual stability and not needing others to be my comfort.
For me, when a person's life is full enough that there is no vacancy at all, it is likely that most of the people I can meet, the objects that can develop into intimate partners, will only add to my life.
So even though I feel the change in age, I still don't have a sense of urgency for love and marriage. If you want to say that the only thing I want to do now is related to marriage, it may be that when I am 30 years old, I want to take a wedding photo, or buy myself a ring full of meaning.
The idea was because I brushed up on a video the other day. A girl broke up with her boyfriend of five years, she said that she did not want to get married, but wanted to take a handsome man to put on a wedding photo together, so the girl's boss acted as a "tool man groom" in order to fulfill her wish.
Although the girl's original intention was to give her 5 years of youth an explanation, to see how she looked like wearing a wedding dress, but she had a sentence in the video that I liked very much:
"Probably every girl dreams of wearing a wedding dress because it's going to be the most beautiful day of her life. But not every girl dreams of getting married, because there are many moments in life that are more important than marriage. ”
I remember a long time ago, a 24-year-old girl asked us similar questions backstage. She said that the progress of my life and the people around me is uneven, they are married, they have graduate school, they have jobs, I feel lost in myself, can you tell me at what age girls should get married?
The answer I gave her at the time was: I don't know if you have seen a passage a few years ago about "New York time is three hours earlier than California time, but California time has not slowed down". The central idea is that some people seem to be ahead of you, and some people seem to be walking behind you, but in fact, everyone has their own steps in their own time zone.
As an adult, nothing defines what you have to do. You don't have to be in tune with someone else because they make a choice because you're living your own life.
What's more, marriage is not a necessary part of life, it is not a task, and it is not a sign of maturity that reassures the family. In fact, this is the most important thing to consider carefully.
And now I want to refine my answer to the girls who are confused about love or are being urged to get married:
Marriage can be a beautiful possibility, but the good premise is that you meet someone who is enough to make your heart move and not add a burden to your entire life. Before you meet this object, not being pushed by your surroundings and surroundings to find a suitable person to live is actually the best way for you to take responsibility for your own life. Because there are many moments, there are many life milestones that can produce a higher happiness value than marriage.
Probably everyone needs to go through a tugging to come up with an answer to love or marriage.
Before you look for answers, I would recommend that you achieve financial independence and personality independence as soon as possible. Perhaps this is a necessary factor that is more secure than marriage. And before you meet the ideal marriage partner, you can marry yourself first. Taking a wedding photo at the age of 30, going on a honeymoon trip as a solo person, or buying yourself a diamond ring is just a sense of ceremony. I just want you to understand that even if we can't pursue the ideal love, there can be perfect friendship or affection around us. A lifelong commitment doesn't have to be with a loved one, but it can also be with friends, family, pets, and especially.
So at this moment, I sincerely hope that all girls can find beautiful possibilities when they are married and not married, and I wish you to "marry" your ideal self as soon as possible.
Head image / Arren Aaren
Illustration / "Not Married"