01
What is the standard for measuring the quality of a daughter-in-law?
I don't know if you have found that in those families where the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult, it seems that no matter how hard the daughter-in-law tries, the mother-in-law always looks at her unfavorably, and even has many difficulties.
Is it really because these daughters-in-law are lazy and lazy, rebellious, and disrespectful?
Not really.
On the contrary, many daughters-in-law may still be very virtuous and knowledgeable. It's just that they don't meet the expectations of their mother-in-law in some aspects, so they will be disliked and embarrassed, and even some mothers-in-law will sabotage the marriage of their children and want to change a better daughter-in-law.
But what kind of daughter-in-law is a good daughter-in-law?
In my opinion, the measure of a daughter-in-law's quality should be her character, ability and tutoring. As for other aspects of the woman, such as appearance, education, and job, whether they are as good as the man, it is not particularly important.
After all, this is looking for a daughter-in-law, not interviewing employees. No matter how good-looking, no matter how proficient in mathematics, physics and chemistry, I am not willing to live a down-to-earth life, and everything is still in vain.
Therefore, the mother-in-law should understand the foot, do not pick up the sesame seeds and lose the watermelon, in the end regret is beyond reach.
Xiu Xiu (pseudonym) and her ex-husband were originally a pair of lovers, but they could not withstand the mixing of their former mother-in-law, Aunt Zheng, and finally ended in divorce.
02
Xiu Xiu is a particularly ordinary girl, with ordinary family conditions, ordinary looks, ordinary academic qualifications, and ordinary work income.
So from the very beginning, the former mother-in-law Aunt Zheng could not see Xiu Xiu. She felt that her conditions were inferior to her ex-husband in all aspects, and that she had climbed their home, so she was very opposed to their comings and goings.
In Aunt Zheng's heart, her son should marry a woman with better conditions.
For example, Xiao Yun, a small daughter in her hometown, is not only handsome and highly educated, but also has good maternal conditions, and is the most suitable daughter-in-law candidate. Although the two families have not had much contact in recent years, as long as the adults match, there is nothing that cannot be done.
But the ex-husband loves Xiu Xiu very much and insists on marrying. The mother-in-law could not help but agree to this marriage.
It is reasonable to say that since the two young people truly love each other and have formed a family, the elders can only bless them.
But Aunt Zheng was not, and agreeing to this marriage was just her delay. Since the son has to marry this woman, let him marry once and have fun. What she had was a way to break them up.
It is with this kind of psychology that after the marriage of the two children, Aunt Zheng is still very disgusted with Xiu xiu, and always has all kinds of difficulties in life.
In order to change her mother-in-law's opinion of herself, Xiu xiu also made a lot of efforts:
She got rid of the problem of sleeping late and got up early every day to prepare the family's breakfast;
On the way to work, she will deliberately go around two streets and queue for more than an hour to buy her mother-in-law her favorite pastries;
On weekdays, they scramble to do housework, and they will also send their mother-in-law some new clothes, small gifts and so on from time to time.
No matter what the mother-in-law says or does, as long as it is not too much, Xiu Xiu can endure it. I really can't stand it, so I go back to my room to consume it, and try not to have a direct conflict with my mother-in-law.
In order to be able to get the approval of the mother-in-law, do not let the husband be caught in the middle of the embarrassment.
But the mother-in-law did not eat this set at all. No matter what Xiu Xiu did, she could pick the bones in the egg and do everything she could to embarrass herself.
Xiu Xiu is not the person who does not know each other. Since it is useless to try hard, why bother to take the hot face to paste people's cold ass?
Therefore, later, when the mother-in-law was embarrassed by Xiu xiu, Xiu Xiu no longer blindly endured, but discussed things with her mother-in-law and defended her due dignity.
But all this is in the eyes of the mother-in-law, it is a great rebellion. Every time the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law clashed, she went to her husband to sell the misery.
Although her husband knew in his heart that Xiu Xiu was a person, the palms of his hands and the backs of his hands were all flesh, and he was also very embarrassed.
In the end, the marriage of the two people still did not withstand the toss of the mother-in-law, and it ended hastily.
After the divorce for about half a year, the ex-husband married a new daughter-in-law according to the wishes of the mother-in-law, and the other party was Xiao Yun, the daughter of the Fa Xiao family, who was in her mother-in-law's heart.
However, this Xiao Yun, who was selected by her as the best daughter-in-law, is not a fuel-saving lamp.
Xiao Yun is used to pampering herself in her mother's home, and she can't do any housework and is not willing to learn. Every day, he will only buy and buy, both losers and have a strong temper. Whether the food is salty and light, or the ex-husband comes back from work late, as long as there is a slight unhappiness, he will lose his temper, and he does not care about any elders or elders, stirring up the whole family.
Aunt Zheng was not less angry. But at the beginning, she herself insisted on this daughter-in-law, and now she is also bitter and unable to say, so she has to break her teeth and swallow blood.
Not long ago, Aunt Zheng took a nap because she was unwell, delayed dinner, and was scolded by her new daughter-in-law for a dog's bloody head, and she was angry and went to the hospital.
When Xiu Xiu happened to go to the hospital to get the medical examination report, she met Aunt Zheng, who was in tears.
Seeing her alone there waiting for her ex-husband to register, Xiu xiu couldn't help but come forward and ask: "You married Ruyi's daughter-in-law, why don't you see her accompanying you to the hospital?" ”
Aunt Zheng looked at Xiu Xiu, and her heart was full of mixed feelings. If I hadn't been confused for a while and cared too much about those superficial things, why would I have suffered this sin today?
But she also understands that it is too late to talk about regret. He could only sigh helplessly at Xiu Xiu and turn away.
03
In life, there are many old people like Aunt Zheng who obviously married a good daughter-in-law and do not know how to cherish, and as a result, there are many old people who are begging for food.
Through her story, we also understand the following two truths.
One: Not to be too involved in the lives of children is the wisdom of parents.
It is said that children are the concern of parents for a lifetime.
However, this phrase is often used by many parents as an excuse for them to manipulate their children's lives.
They often feel that they have eaten more salt than their children have eaten, and they have a wealth of experience in life, which can help their children to take fewer detours.
So in the name of love, they arbitrarily intervene in the marriage of their children in a vain attempt to dominate their lives. It seems that only by doing what they say can children be happy.
However, the reality is often like Aunt Zheng, not only did not play any help to the lives of her children, but it was self-defeating and regretted.
Truly intelligent parents don't manipulate their children as puppets.
Rather, it is to know how to give a strong intimacy when the child is young. When the children become adults, they can learn to withdraw from their lives gracefully.
You know, care and separation are also tasks that parents should accomplish in their children.
Second: Conflicts between family members often begin with greed.
As the old saying goes, contentment is always happy.
This is especially true in marriage. Many family conflicts often begin with being too greedy.
Just like in life, we often hear some people complain that their husbands are too busy at work and have little time to accompany themselves; some people say that their wives are not beautiful enough and have no face when they are taken out; some mothers-in-law complain that their daughters-in-law conditions are not good, and so on.
But in fact, many times, the husband is busy at work to provide a better life for you and your children; although the wife is not beautiful, she is filial to her parents and can arrange the family in an orderly manner; the daughter-in-law's conditions are not good, that is also the person who cares most about her son.
There is not that much perfection in this world. Instead of grabbing the other person's imperfection, it is better to dig more of his shining points.
A happy family must learn to use a magnifying glass to magnify each other's strengths, rather than using a microscope to investigate each other's shortcomings.
Especially for those who are mothers-in-law, don't always think that their children are good enough, ordinary people's girls are not worthy of him.
Just like in the TV series "Heart Residence", Shi Yuan is just an ordinary secondary school graduate, still in debt, his wife Gu Qingyu graduated from a famous school, and an urban white-collar elite.
Even so, Shi Yuan's mother still did not look up to her daughter-in-law and was picky in every way.
Shi Yuan was very stressed, and the showdown with his mother said:
"You can't give me too much hope, your son is not a big man, just a bad guy, the whole world can see, only you can't see." 」
Indeed, many times your child is just excellent in your eyes, but it is not irreplaceable in others.
Life is not easy, and it is good and cherished.
Text/No Pen