In middle age, several women are most likely to encounter a marital crisis

Out of the mix, always have to pay back. This is the first thought that comes up when I see this topic, and many of the lessons we owe in the past always have to be repaid at some point in our lives.

Many marital crises are threads that have been buried for decades before they finally encounter a spark that suddenly ignites one day. We can see the power of igniting that moment, but we often don't know it when we bury the lead.

So today we take a look at what kind of women are leading the way for their marriage crisis.

Among the clients I've received, women in marital crisis are roughly divided into three categories:

01

Sacrifice yourself silently for the family and children

The reason why this group of people is put first is because this group is the largest group in China.

You can see all kinds of women everywhere, who have given up their career development opportunities for decades and voluntarily returned to the family, living around their children, husbands, pots and pans.

My mother-in-law is such a woman, she is very industrious and capable, and helps to take care of the children and cook and clean up the house, her life is to live for her children, the only wish in life is that the children can be good, live a decent and bright life, and win glory on her face.

She came back late from taking her children out to play at noon today, I made rice and washed dishes, and during my nap I smelled my hands, a musty rag smelled.

It was a taste of me for just a few hours, but she had come through it for decades, and it was also the life of many women who sacrificed themselves for their families and children.

Of course, there may be people with good conditions who can ask a nanny to outsource these miscellaneous things, but there is a key point here:

They have no self-space, and they place their time, energy, focus, emotions, expectations, and hopes in life on their children and husbands.

I don't know whether for a woman like my mother-in-law, her husband's career is average, and the requirements are low, whether it is a good thing or a bad thing.

In a way, it may also be thanks to the man's ability to maintain mediocrity in his career, otherwise the probability of a marriage crisis is extremely easy to occur in such a marriage.

Their marriage presented a polarized state: maid-like life care, queen-style emotional demands.

In such a type of marriage, there are often two types of voices that come out:

The woman said:

I serve you like an emperor, I do everything, you yourself are too lazy to even move your hands, I don't feed your mouth, you are not willing, you are simply a low-energy child in life, and you have to rely on me for everything.

The man said:

You follow a queen every day, everything must revolve around you, meet your requirements, a little slower you will be angry, scolding, I will not tolerate you, we can't go on.

What they say is the truth, but there are two sides to a marriage. No one is right or wrong.

I'm not encouraging women who give up their careers to take care of their families and children, let go of what they're doing now, go to work outside, and create a sense of crisis for everyone.

What I really want to say is that in any case you have a chance to live a different version of yourself, unless you give up on yourself first, or you never see yourself.

Such a woman, the faster the times develop, the sooner it is time for you to reckon with your performance in marriage.

In the past, due to the restrictions of various conditions, it may not be liquidated once in a lifetime, but now that the development of network technology exists, a marriage will soon go through a round, liquidate once, and then start the next round.

02

Women who don't express their needs

The second thing I want to talk about is about expressing one's needs.

Too many women don't know how to express their needs.

The basic need of people to live is to satisfy themselves in various relationships, and if they do not express their needs, they will basically have a very significant impact on relationships.

And the way many women express their needs is very subtle.

For example: the husband often works outside, he has no one to talk to at home, he is very lonely, he wants his husband to accompany himself more, but he finds that he always goes out to drink with friends, and he will come back very late, every time he sees him back home, he feels that his needs are ignored, and he will be angry with him:

You came back so late and drank so much wine, are you dead?

Do you want this home every day?

Do you still have me and the children in your eyes?

Isn't it that we don't matter at all in your mind?!

If you go and ask her, does your husband know what you need? She would say that I had said so clearly, and couldn't he still hear that I wanted him to come home early to accompany me and my children? He probably doesn't do it because he doesn't want to do it, and he just doesn't have me in his heart.

But if you ask your husband, he will say: I know that she wants me to accompany, but her series of questions has made me feel so stressed, and I don't want to talk to her more.

So these needs are equivalent to being wrapped in sugar-coated shells, and the person receiving it will feel that they have been blown up and stabbed, not because they do not want to meet each other's needs, but this expression pushes the two people farther away.

Some people will express it like this: At night, if you suddenly want to eat instant noodles, you will tell your partner, do you want to eat instant noodles? You definitely want to eat it, go buy it.

If your partner doesn't buy it, you'll feel like you don't care about me and you'll get angry.

In fact, when she asked this question, she already had a preset answer in her mind, as long as it was inconsistent with this answer, she would be angry, and she did not really seek verification or consultation with the other party.

She is just expressing: I want to eat instant noodles, but if I express it directly, I am afraid that you will reject me, you will not meet my needs, then I will express it in another way, if you want to eat, you must satisfy yourself, then I will not be satisfied?

So her needs were changed and expressed, if the other party could not understand the sound, then a storm was inevitable.

Expressing your needs directly, in fact, the biggest enemy is often yourself, not others. If not, you may not experience true happiness and satisfaction for the rest of your life, but will always accumulate various contradictions and conflicts in the relationship.

03

Emotionally unstable woman

The last type I want to talk about is emotional stability.

When there is an emotionally unstable person in the family, it will be like a time bomb in the house, maybe it will explode at any time, because it is afraid of being injured by the explosion, so everyone in the family does not dare to be happy, everyone does not dare to relax, and the atmosphere of the whole family will become depressed, nervous and cautious.

At this time, people at home will begin to find ways to relax themselves, then mobile phones, games, television, novels, will enter this home in a dignified manner, encroach on the hearts of family members, and make people's hearts uneven.

When you push open the door and walk into a home, what kind of atmosphere in the home can be perceived, do you feel like a dense cloud covering the sky, crushing yourself breathlessly, or does it feel like there is a big net, netting you in it, making you unable to move? Or other feelings, in fact, feelings are the least deceptive.

Emotional instability is one of the important links of the marriage crisis, a woman wants to destroy the marriage, let the husband more and more away from herself, as long as you let your emotions vent, for a period of time, how to say what you want, you can quickly see the effect.

No matter how fierce the Sea Oath Mountain Alliance was at the beginning, it could not resist the soft knife words that you threw out when you were emotionally up.

Some people will evaluate themselves like this: I am kind at heart, I am just a knife mouth tofu heart, but what these people don't know is:

Your kindness is hidden inside, and others may not be able to see it; but the mouth of your knife is leaking outside, and others may be poked and stabbed a dozen times a day.

Don't do evil in the name of my good heart, those words spoken nakedly will eventually hurt the hearts of those closest to you, and in turn will hurt you.

Now that there are so many emotional management classes, the way of emotional management can be learned and improved, change yourself, and don't use this rational way to let yourself continue to hurt others in the name of love.

Everyone has their own emotional acceptance range, beyond a certain range, it will be easy to emotional outbursts, if you feel that you can't control, please go to seek help in time, whether it is with friends and family, or reading books, listening to lectures to do professional counseling, maintain a good emotional state, is the real love for themselves, is the real goodness to themselves and their families.

Otherwise, it will be accumulated for a long time, and it will be regrettable until the day when the marriage crisis breaks out.