One of the three giants of psychology, Adler once said: Basically all interpersonal conflicts arise from arbitrary interference with other people's problems, or their own problems are interfered with by others.
Like to be nosy, is a common disease of people, people are social animals, naturally like to join in the fun. Some people join in the fun, just watch and don't say, be a spectator, some people will not only join in the fun, but also want to meddle in this matter, express their own views, give advice to others or point fingers at others.
However, you are not the person concerned, do not understand the specific truth, and do not understand what he really wants, does your idea really work? Many times, it backfires.
There is no one who likes to interfere with our lives the most than our parents. No matter how old we are, whether we have a family or not, whether we are also parents, in the eyes of our parents, we are all small children who have not grown up, and we are immature in doing things, if they do not look at the point, we will mess things up.
If the child is not willing to let the parents interfere in their lives and ask for freedom, the parents' words "I am for your own good" can make the children speechless.
In fact, not only do parents like to interfere in the lives of their children, but when the parents are old, the situation may be reversed, and the children always interfere with the parents' later life.
For example, if you are widowed in middle age, and when you are old, you want to find a wife who knows the cold and the heat, and can go from white to old with you, the attitude and practice of your children will directly affect the quality of your marriage in your later years.
When we are young, our parents have conflicts with our spouses, we will be caught between family affection and love, left and right, and when we are old, the children will have conflicts with our wives, which is also a dilemma.
How do you manage the marriage of the elderly to be the best for yourself? In this regard, the 62-year-old Uncle Huang told my own principles: "My sons are my own children, my grandchildren are my descendants, I have to be good to them, but my wife is not related to them, nor is there any obligation, there is no need to be good to them." They can ask me for help, but they can't beat my wife's idea. Is a man who does not protect his wife still a man? ”
01. Bought a marriage house for my son in full, gave my daughter-in-law money to go to the confinement center, I am not a bad elder;
7 years ago, the 55-year-old Uncle Huang lost his wife, the two people married for 28 years, shared happiness and hardships, spent the most difficult years, went out to work hard together to make money, and when he lost his job and laid off and Uncle Huang almost collapsed, he was also accompanied by his wife, comforting him and helping him regain his confidence.
What made Uncle Huang difficult to accept was that they had come to a bitter end, they had a little money in their hands, and their son was going to get married, but God cruelly took away his lover and left him alone from then on.
The year after his wife's death, Uncle Huang arranged a marriage for his son. In order to make his son and daughter-in-law more comfortable after marriage, and not have to worry about money all day long like them, Uncle Huang sold a house in his hometown, paid his savings, and spent 1.76 million yuan to buy a full marriage house for his son and daughter-in-law, so that they did not have to carry the mortgage of this mountain.
Although the house was bought by Uncle Huang with money, he never planned to live with his son and daughter-in-law, and he did not want to let the two quarrel because of himself. As a result, Uncle Huang still lived in his home with his wife and lived a simple life.
In the third year of the son's marriage, the daughter-in-law added a granddaughter to Uncle Huang, which made Uncle Huang feel very happy. In order to solve the problem of confinement of his daughter-in-law, Uncle Huang gave his daughter-in-law 10,000 yuan and asked her to invite her sister-in-law or go to the confinement center. In the end, the daughter-in-law went to the confinement center and successfully completed the confinement. As for taking the baby, the daughter-in-law did not expect Uncle Huang to take care of her daughter, and invited her own mother.
"I bought a marriage house for my son in full, and gave my daughter-in-law money to go to the confinement center, I am not a bad elder, I have fulfilled my obligations to the younger generation!" They passed theirs, and I didn't bother, but I felt so lonely. ”
02. After having her, my life is very good, and I want to keep this good till I am old;
Before looking for a wife, Uncle Huang's life was very monotonous and tasteless.
After all, work takes up 10 hours, and when you get home to clean, cook, take a walk, watch TV, and it's time to go to bed.
After retirement, Uncle Huang has more than 4,000 pensions a month, has a house and a deposit, has no economic pressure, and naturally has no motivation to find another job. However, the life of living alone is really lonely, which makes Uncle Huang unbearable.
"Find a wife, otherwise, you are sick and hospitalized, your son and daughter-in-law are too busy with work to take care of you, and you have no one around to accompany you, which is even more miserable." Also, didn't you watch the news? There are often single elderly people living alone, and no one knows about it after dying at home for several days, if there is someone to accompany, it is good to help make a phone call! ”
Under the repeated persuasion of the people around him, Uncle Huang also moved his mind and joined the army of elderly blind dates. Under the matchmaking of friends, Uncle Huang met Aunt Yang.
Uncle Huang's friend was very authentic and introduced Uncle Huang to a person with quite suitable conditions. Aunt Yang has only one daughter, has been married, and has a pension of 3,000, although it is not as much as Uncle Huang, but it is already good.
Aunt Yang has a cheerful personality, always has a smile on her face, dresses fashionably, is good at communication, and gets along well with Uncle Huang. Finally, in October of last year, the two men attested and got married.
03. Grandson is my bloodline, I can pay for you, but it has nothing to do with my wife;
Before agreeing to be with Uncle Huang, Aunt Yang specially emphasized one thing: "Since you let me be your wife, you have to fulfill your husband's responsibilities, and the reason why I want to find a wife is because I want to find someone to spend the last time with me, it is too difficult to spend the rest of my life alone, but not to be a free nanny for others." You have to do housework, and besides, I'm not related to your son by blood, and I don't expect him to retire in the future, so I won't help him like my mother. If your son beats me up and you help him, we'll both leave. ”
Aunt Yang's worries are not out of thin air, not long after they got married, Uncle Huang's daughter-in-law became pregnant with her second child and added a grandson to Uncle Huang.
First there was a granddaughter, and there was a grandson, Uncle Huang was originally very happy, but when Uncle Huang gave his daughter-in-law 10,000 yuan to sit in confinement as before, the daughter-in-law felt dissatisfied: "Dad, why don't you let your aunt serve me?" 10,000 yuan confinement is enough, but what about with a baby? Do you still want my mother to take the baby? The child's surname is Huang, not Wu. ”
Indeed, the child's surname is Huang, and it is indeed impossible to say that he always lets his mother bring it, but it is impossible to let his wife bring it.
"I'm not fake that I'm a grandfather, but is my wife a grandmother?" Where is her obligation to serve you in confinement and with your children? ”
"I raised my son, and he will honor me in the future, but you two will ask yourself, will you really honor my wife?"
"There is no benefit, but I want her to take the baby, if it is you, are you happy?" Will you turn the other cheek with me? I have been suffering for most of my life, and I have found a person who knows cold and heat, can you think about it for me? ”
Listening to Uncle Huang's words, the son and daughter-in-law also felt very embarrassed. In the end, they discussed a way, Uncle Huang gave a part of the money, the son and daughter-in-law paid another part, and asked the mother to pay for the baby
04. Whether it is parents or children, whose relatives do not know how to measure, who is responsible for it.
Liu Liu, the screenwriter of "Double Sided Glue", once said: "In the trivial life of chicken feathers, what women care about most is often not how to resolve the contradiction itself, but in the process of resolving the contradiction, whether the husband is standing behind him." ”
Whether it is the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or your children who cause trouble for her after remarriage, what she cares about most is nothing more than your attitude, after all, the person she marries is not the in-laws, not others, but you.
If men can carry it clearly, they should remember that the conity of husband and wife is the most critical step in running a good marriage, as long as the husband and wife are in the same heart, the marriage will be as stable as a rock and will not be destroyed by anyone. On the other hand, if the husband and wife are inherently compatible and inseparable, unable to share the same heart and only care for their own interests, even if the in-laws are reasonable, they will not be able to keep their son's marriage.
Whether it is parents or children, whose relatives do not know how to measure, who is responsible for it. Relatives add to your blockage, and what you are fighting is blood relations, so whoever is closest to them is responsible for doing it.
END.
Today's Topic: What would you do if your loved ones caused trouble to your marriage? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.