Text: Ten miles
"This year I am 30 years old, I dare not get married, because the girlfriends and friends around me have advised me not to get married, because their marriages are not very happy, the family is full of chicken feathers, looking at all headaches, now I am very anxious, do not know whether I should get married? What exactly can marriage get? ”
Two days ago, a reader friend sent such a private message.
Seeing this friend's private message, the author felt a lot.
Because I see the unhappiness of the marriage of my friends around me, so that I dare not enter the marriage, this is the common sentiment of people, because people do not want to step into the unhappiness, especially if they see it with their own eyes, it is inevitable that they will substitute themselves.
"What do you get when you get married"?
Someone said: "Entering marriage, let me become mature, before a person to eat enough for the whole family is not hungry, now have a home, you have to think about the family first." 」 ”
Some people said: "After entering marriage, there is one more child, life is difficult, someone manages, there is no freedom." “
Some people also said: "After entering marriage, with dependence and support, what was done before was one person, and now it is two people to face together." “
You see, people are different, and after entering marriage, they are also different.
Just like you and your friends, their unhappy marriage does not mean that you will also be unhappy with the marriage.
The true happiness of marriage must lie in the management of the self, so your marital happiness is only in your hands.
Understand these "marriage truths" and a woman's marriage won't be bad.
Marriage is not simple, it is 9981 difficulties.
Just like Tang Xuanzang's four disciples took the Western Heavens Scriptures, there was no easy way to say at all, only nine nine eighty-one difficulties waiting.
If you want to really cultivate the right results, you have to go through these tribulations.
In fact, the same is true of marriage.
Most people's future marital status, in fact, in the ordeal of the Journey to the West, can be glimpsed one or two.
Marriage is like this, there is no simple statement at all, all people must face it.
As Mr. Qian Zhongshu said:
"Marriage is a walled city, and people outside the city want to go in, and people in the city want to come out."
Some people face the ordeal of marriage and think about how to change, while some people will only think about how to escape.
When we were young, we thought that love and marriage were beautiful, and the two were happy with each other.
But later I realized that marriage and love are different, love is the romance of the wind and snow, and marriage is only the plainness of chai rice oil and salt.
A person who gets married, has children, has children, changes in his life, and so on, will make him face greater troubles and tribulations.
If he can't survive, then the marriage will naturally only be unhappy, and if he can accept and change in peace, then everything will only get better and better.
Blandness is the norm in marriage, and you can also enjoy happiness by operating hard.
Someone said:
"Marriage has three stages, the early stage relies on enthusiasm, the middle period depends on running-in, and the later stage relies on perseverance."
This is deeply true.
The marriage of the long earth and the wind and snow often only exists in the story, and most people's marriages are sour, sweet, bitter and spicy, and they are slowly boiled out by themselves.
No matter who you are with, marriage is not so easy
Gold has no feet, no one is perfect.
Everyone has their own problems, so marriage is difficult.
As you overcome these tribulations again and again, happiness will naturally come slowly.
The happiness of marriage is to love yourself first.
If you don't love yourself, then no one will love you.
You will find that
In reality, most of the women who are happily married are "selfish women" who know how to love themselves.
They know how to invest in themselves, know how to enjoy, know how to make themselves happy, so they are younger, more optimistic, and more loved and cherished by their partners than most women of the same age who do not know how to be themselves.
A woman who knows how to love herself and invest in herself, marriage will never be bad.
Because they will only get better and better, making men more inseparable.
For women, although their appearance will grow old with age, the inner charm of women can be continuously precipitated and accumulated in the long river of time.
For men, the core charm of a woman must not be beauty, but some intrinsic trait.
As in the words: "Good-looking skin bags are the same, interesting souls are one of the best".
Beauty is often short-lived in the attraction of men, and some of the inner qualities of women can attract men for a lifetime.
A woman's own good or bad often determines whether a man is good or bad for himself.
Su Qian once said:
"The best way to love someone is to run yourself, not to desperately be good to a person, to give the other party a quality lover, and that person will love you desperately." 」
When a woman becomes more and more excellent, then naturally there are more choices and confidence, and men will naturally only cherish more.
For men, the women they don't respect are often women who don't have the right to choose and can't do without them.
A smart woman, even if she loves a man again, will not lose herself, and she knows how to love herself first.
Like a line in "The First Half of My Life":
"No one will be the safe haven you think you are in this life and this life, only you are your last refuge." 」
A woman's biggest confidence must be herself, if she doesn't love herself, then no one will come to love you.
You see in reality, those women who give everything for men and do not know how to pay anything for themselves, most of the final outcome is disliked by men.
Don't believe it, because men are so greedy, they want women to take care of everything in the family, and they want women to be dignified and beautiful, and they are young and permanent.
A good marriage is evenly matched.
A really good marriage must be a match between the two sides and a match. Although you are very good, I am not bad, and I am more than enough to match you.
In reality, those who want to climb the marriage partner to change their marriage, the final ending, is often a tragic ending.
Because marriage is like playing a game, if the level gap between the two sides is too large, only one person can take the other person to break through, then sooner or later, the more powerful party will dislike the weaker party.
Because in the eyes of the powerful party, the weak person is a drag bottle, can not give him any help at all, when he one day, when he meets a companion who is almost as strong as himself, he will easily abandon the person who has been dragging him down.
Then they each break through their respective levels, and there will be no intersection in the future.
This is true of games, and so is marriage.
When you find that the gap between your partner and yourself is too large, not only can you not give yourself any help, but even drag down your progress. When you meet the opposite sex who is right for you and can help you, can you do it without waves?
I think most people, unable to do it, will have other ideas, and even some people will blame their partners for everything.
If the gap between two people is too large, then there are bound to be various problems.
Just like a couple whose two families are too far apart.
The woman's family is particularly rich, so she uses big brands on weekdays, wielding gold and not taking any care.
The man's family is ordinary, and on weekdays, it is important to live in life, saving calculations everywhere, and the family lives an ordinary life.
Do you think two people can be happy together like this?
The answer must be no, even if they love each other again, but the reality gap will make them part ways.
Women's usual buying and buying will only be described by men as waste and vanity, and men's thrift and thrift will also be said by women to be slamming the door.
Because their growth environments are different, the three views are naturally different, and they naturally cannot understand each other's behavior, and naturally there will be various contradictions.
You eat steak, and he just thinks you're pretending to be superior.
When you read a book, she will only think that you are doing something.
You say that two people like this, how can they be happy.
A truly good marriage must be a material door-to-door pair and a spiritually equal opponent.
——