The background of the public account often receives some readers' messages, telling their confusion. Some of them I find particularly enlightening, so I've put them together. If you like it, this column will be updated for a long time in the future.
Special note: The message is the default can be made public, of course, I will do a little bit of processing.
Reader's Message:
I am a northerner, and my parents said that I had a strange temper and did not understand human feelings.
It's hard for me to like someone, I had a boyfriend in high school, but I get bored after a few months of dating and can't accept each other. Until college, there was a boy from Guangdong who chased me, and after a period of contact, I proposed to spend three months together, and after three months, I didn't get bored and agreed.
In this way, slowly, our feelings are getting deeper and deeper, and we naturally walk together.
In order to take care of my brother, my parents sent me to my grandmother's house when I was young, and I didn't come back until I was six years old when I had to study, and I developed the ability to see other people's faces. This habit naturally brings into the feelings, and everything listens to him.
After graduation, he naturally followed him to Guangdong, his mother had a willful temper, a strong desire for control, and had to listen to her in everything, and the day of no self at all began. But he would still help me speak, consider my feelings, would take the initiative to return the pay card to me, how I dominated him to support, my brother got married, used up our savings, so we did not have a wedding.
In order to live, he works a little farther away, driving for an hour, and often working overtime at night, seeing only once a week.
When the child was eight years old, he came back and said divorce to me! I don't know why it was so calm at the time, I didn't cry or make trouble, I just refused to agree, so I pulled for a year and a half, and finally I agreed, and after the divorce, I learned that he was looking for a person who was about to be born, which hurt me a lot.
After the divorce, I took the children back to my hometown, stayed for a year, and later returned to Guangdong, I felt that my daughter could not live without her father and grandmother, nor adapt to the northern climate.
When he got divorced, he was out of the house, the house and car deposits were left to me, I didn't have a job when I went back to my hometown for a year, his salary card also gave me a year, and when I returned to Guangdong to find a job, he had to go back, but every month he would give the child living expenses, and I would help me if I had difficulties.
The woman he knew on QQ, Sichuan, had also been divorced once, had a son with her ex-husband, and her mother-in-law didn't like that woman, and she didn't care about them when she had children, but she had been helping me take care of my daughter, or thank her. The woman was lazy and didn't do anything, and they got three years and got divorced too. My son and my ex-husband, but they still live together often, and the relationship is very messy.
After the divorce I was cold to my ex-husband, wouldn't look at him more, didn't talk to him, didn't want to pay attention to him.
But little! After so many years, although talking about him will no longer have heartache and want to cry, but every time I think of him, talk about him, dream about him at night, and will abandon me again in my dreams and hurt me again, I will cry in my dreams for a long time, and I will be sad for a while after waking up.
I thought I was indifferent, didn't want him anymore, didn't love him anymore, but there was no way, I made two boyfriends, and I was upset for a month at the beginning, how can I not be satisfied, what should I do? Why after hurting me so much, I still can't let go of him, how can I let go of myself?
I do a lot of things, just to play him down, find a boyfriend, find hobbies, you teach me, how to make him stop affecting me.
I now have a stable job, an income can be, life is still very happy, as if I can't adapt to the days of one more man in my life, I like to live alone.
He is not without the meaning of wanting to get back together, I refused, want to find a free nanny, take care of one old and two young, I will not let him calculate me again, so that there is no dispute, no calculation, no burden, simple life is very good.
I am quite satisfied with the status quo, usually go to work, dance square dance at night, practice guzheng, go back to accompany my daughter on the weekend, and gather with girlfriends, life is very fulfilling, I don't like to always dream of him, I can't think of him at all, mention him, otherwise I dream all night that he will still abandon me in his dreams, wake up in the morning, for a long time will be depressed, do not want to talk to my parents, afraid that they are worried, they always let me find another one.
I am 162, 114 pounds, the skin is not white, a little spotted, but the skin elasticity is OK, looking at that is about 40s, it is not difficult to find, there is a house and a car, there is income and insurance and deposits, and the child understands a daughter.
A woman who wants to forget her ex-husband
Small reply:
How not to be affected by the ex-husband is actually a very small problem.
In a person's life, there are always some people who cannot forget, and there are always some people who make us sad and even angry when we mention it. However, it does not affect life.
Adults, who do not go forward with stories, who do not have a little wound in their hearts that they do not want to mention.
So what can be done? If there is an injury, there is an injury, as long as it is not fatal, what is the big deal.
Accepting this, accepting you is thinking that he will have heartache, and you will get used to it when you are in pain. So the bitter life has come, and I am afraid of this pain.
Many people just can't accept that life is a little hurt, can't accept any stain, so they live in particular pain. In fact, many times, this injury is also a medal of life.
If you hadn't been hurt, how could you be so sober now and refuse to remarry? In this way, leaving a little pain is more worrying than a scar and forgetting the pain.
Your bigger problem is actually going with the flow, and always finding reasons to go with the flow.
You look at your own wording, "naturally" follow him to Guangdong, and then your brother marries and runs out of your savings.
Did you find a problem? You are a very passive person, he said that when he came to Guangdong, he would go to Guangdong, and his brother said that he would spend all his savings with money, and then he would not do the wedding.
Basically what others say you believe, including after the divorce is not much better, you said that the woman that your ex-husband is looking for is very lazy and does not do housework, I am afraid that I also listened to my ex-husband or mother-in-law, right? Have you ever discerned the truth of this statement?
There are too many such girls, which make people very distressed and helpless, and there is really a feeling of mourning their misfortune and anger.
Your drift has no opinion and cannot insist on it, allowing you to live a life without self.
In general, such a woman must have a second characteristic, that is, to blame others, and everything is from others to find reasons.
In love, you feel that it is caused by the original family, and there is no self in marriage, and you think it is because the mother-in-law is too strong. But later you also found out that in fact, the mother-in-law is very good, divorced and help you with children.
So you don't have an ego, it's not a mother-in-law's problem at all, it's not all a matter of your original family in love, it's that you're too weak.
It's just that no one wants to admit that they are weak, so they habitually push the problem to others.
You are still lucky, and the people you meet have a better conscience, so the ending is better. If you meet a chicken thief man, it is estimated that you will have nothing now.
It's also good to have luck.
What you need to do now is not to think about how to forget your ex-husband, you can't forget it, since you figured it out and didn't remarry, just stick to the bottom line, don't let others persuade you, and immediately compromise.
Judging from your text, you are actually trying to find compound reasons, always emphasizing that you can't love people, and the subtext is: I only love my ex-husband.
This kind of reason is very dangerous, equivalent to self-hypnosis, we are not big S, any result can afford it, as long as there is love. Ordinary women, every step can not be arbitrary.
It is not that he cannot be compounded, and if he is compounded, it must not be because he cannot love others but only love him, but because he is now more suitable in all aspects.
Also, you don't want to find a man at all, but your parents say let you find it, and you still go looking for it, even if you don't want a man in your heart. You see, you listen to someone else again.
If your parents are a little stronger and push harder, you may also compromise. When you have a bad time, you will feel that your parents are too strong, so you have a bad life.
The most important thing in life is to think clearly about what you want, and then no matter what others say, stick to what you want. Follow the ideas of others, even if the material conditions are good, you will feel that you have no self. The image comes from the Internet