"Parents, can do their best." This sentence is from the Analects. The general meaning is that filial piety to parents should be done to the best of our ability. Indeed, the grace of parenting is greater than that of heaven, and parents suffer hard in order to raise their children to grow. As children, it is natural to do their best to filial piety to their parents when they are old, so as not to leave regrets for themselves.
As the old saying goes, "Ci Wu Shang feeds back, and the lamb kneels on its feet." Man is not filial to his relatives, but is not as good as grass and wood. It can be seen that filial piety to parents is not only a traditional virtue, but also the foundation of being a human being, if you do not filial piety to your parents, even the grass and trees are not as good. But we must also understand that any emotional relationship is mutual, and affection is no exception.
If parents do their best to really love their children and nurture them, then it is only natural that children should be filial to their parents when their parents are old. If the parents themselves have eccentric eyes or preference for sons, treat several children differently. Parenting is only to complete the task, after adulthood and children calculate gains and losses, then the child in the parents need to take care of the time, but also with the parents, is not necessarily wrong?
Li Yan was born in an ordinary family, she has an older brother above and a younger brother below. In ordinary families, it seems that the children who are the second oldest are not very pleasing to their parents. Not to mention that Li Yan is still a female doll, which makes her mother, who is already patriarchal, dislike Li Yan even more.
Although her mother did not scold Li Yan, she also instilled in her the concept that her daughter was an outsider from time to time, and all the expenses now would be repaid in the future. Fortunately, her father was fair and not bad to Li Yan, so her childhood life was barely passable. But at the age of 10, my father died and everything changed.
Although Li Yan likes to study, she also understands her mother's difficulty at a young age, after all, she has to pull three children alone. Therefore, after graduating from junior high school, she took the initiative to give up continuing to study and go out to work to supplement her family. She and her husband met at work and were children with ordinary family conditions.
Li Yan's mother is very dissatisfied, but Li Yan likes it, because she can feel the sincerity, she thinks that two people live a life, more money and less money, none of them are really important. Her mother couldn't help her, and finally agreed. However, after the mother accepted the dowry, she did not prepare the corresponding dowry. In the end, I reluctantly bought some simple objects.
Li Yan's disappointment in her mother began with this wedding, because in the face of her daughter's questioning, her mother was righteous and bold, saying: "I told you before that the money you spent since you were a child is to be recovered, and the bride price should be that you repay your previous living expenses." You yourself want to marry a poor person, and then we will treat you as distant relatives, don't have too much involvement, especially don't involve your mother's family financially, drag your brother and brother down. ”
Li Yan was very cold, she had always thought that her mother's words were just a mantra, but she didn't expect it to be true. She wanted to ask her mother, if she had to calculate it this way, then almost all of her income in the past ten years had been given to her family. But in the end she still didn't ask for an exit, she thought, after all, it was her own biological mother, connected by blood.
After getting married, Li Yan still wanted to move around with her mother's family at first, and she hoped that a big family, brothers and sisters, could live a good life. But the mother did her original "promise", every time she returned to her mother's house to Li Yan, she treated her coldly, in addition to living expenses, she really did not have any involvement with her daughter. Even every time Li Yan left her mother's house, she would worry about whether her daughter would take something away from home.
More than one time, Li Yan was also discouraged, encountered any difficulties in life, and also gritted her teeth and did not seek help from her mother's family. Li Yan was originally prepared, she would not ask for her mother in this life, but people are not as good as heaven, there are always some things that make people have to bow their heads. When her son was 3 years old, Li Yan's husband needed to go to work in other places for 3 months, and just a few days after going out, her mother-in-law was not in good health and was hospitalized.
Li Yan had to go to work again, take care of the children, and take care of her mother-in-law who was hospitalized, and she was exhausted. There was really no way, she hoped that the mother of the mother could help with the 3-month-old child. Before that, she had also confirmed that the mother was relatively idle at home, and neither of her sons needed her help with the children.
Li Yan's request, her mother agreed, but there was a condition, that is, to give money, 3,000 yuan per month. The child's daily expenses, Li Yan also bears. It is also said that it is a "family price", if you do not agree, you will not bring children. After Li Yan listened, her nose was sour, and she told her mother her difficulties completely, but her mother actually made such a request, between mother and daughter, where is there still affection to speak of?
She agreed to her mother, but she couldn't help but ask why, and her mother said: "The daughter who marries out, the water that is spilled out, I help outsiders to do things, I must have a salary." Li Yan smiled and said good. The mother helped bring the 3-month-old child, and Li Yan gave 10,000 yuan, an extra 1,000 yuan, which is considered to be a road fee. The mother accepted it calmly, and also asked Li Yan not to have ideas, and the daughter and the mother-in-law's family who married out of the house had to be calculated clearly, otherwise they would suffer losses.
In the later days, continuing to live like this, after the practice of Li Yan's mother spread, in fact, relatives were also quite critical of this. But Li Yan's mother, still not realizing that she had a problem, still went her own way, only good for her son, and calculated all kinds of gains and losses for her daughter. It is said that leaves do not turn yellow in a day, and people's hearts do not become cooler every day. Under the words and deeds of her mother, Li Yan was finally completely disappointed in her mother.
A few years later, the mother of the mother fell ill and was hospitalized, the son and daughter-in-law were very busy at work, besides, the mother could not bear the delay in the work of her son and daughter-in-law, so in order not to let her son and daughter-in-law be distracted by her own affairs, she took the initiative to call her daughter and proposed to let her daughter take care of herself.
Li Yan was on the other end of the phone, silent for a while, and said, "I can come and take care of you, but it will take 8,000 yuan a month." Because her monthly salary is 8,000 yuan, Li Yan also proposed this amount. Hearing her daughter ask herself for a salary, her mother was angry, and she hung up the phone at the moment, scolding Li Yan for being a white-eyed wolf and not filial piety. In the end, the two sons paid for it and hired a nurse to take care of it.
Li Yan actually paid for it, but after her mother knew, she did not say anything, and she was still grumbling about Li Yan asking for a salary to take care of herself. She said that she had raised her daughter hard, how to let her daughter take care of herself, her daughter would ask for money, and if she didn't give it, she wouldn't take care of it? Li Yan really couldn't listen to it anymore and said, "Mom, that's what you said at the time, the daughter who marries out is an outsider, you have to calculate clearly, you helped me with the child, and you also received money."
Li Yan's mother's mouth was blocked, but she still didn't feel that she was wrong. In her logic, she and the daughter who married out were clear and right. The daughter who marries out and herself is clear, but it is wrong. It's a double standard. With the age, Li Yan's mother will definitely need more and more time and times to be taken care of, and I don't know how she will feel in the face of every rejection of her daughter who has already chilled her heart.
In the "theory of social exchange", it has been said: "Any interpersonal relationship is essentially an exchange relationship, and only this process of spiritual and material exchange between people can achieve a reciprocal balance that can be harmonious." In fact, the same is true between family affection, we cannot deny that there is also a need for exchange between family affection because there is a natural blood relationship, and there is less "equivalent exchange" on the table.
To put it simply, even if you want to get it, you must first pay. As a parent, if you start at the beginning, you will "clearly mark the price" of your child's support, and then be repaid through the bride price. For requests made by children within the scope of their abilities, and the money is used to measure gains and losses, then we cannot blame the children for learning from them.
"Ten years to see the mother-in-law, ten years to see the daughter-in-law", the truth here, in fact, can not only be used to illustrate the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. In fact, the relationship between parents and children is also the same.
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