Some love lives in the photo; some love lives in your heart. But the most solid and happy love is still to live by our side.
In the early morning of March 13, a fire broke out in the home of a resident in Nanjing!
In order to save himself, the husband put his wife outside the balcony, afraid that his wife would fall, he held his wife's hand in the house to protect his wife, until the firefighters arrived, and the husband refused to withdraw his hand.
The man's skin can be seen in the photo having been burned.
A man who would rather be hurt himself, but also firmly protect his wife behind him, and hold up a piece of the sky for his wife in the most dangerous moment, let me see the best love in this world, and see a man's lifelong perseverance - sense of responsibility.
Many netizens have also sighed:
"This is what love really looks like"
Hand in hand for a lifetime, we must work together to "live"
"I believe in love again"
Yeah, I'm starting to believe in love too.
Mu Xin said in "Once Upon a Time Slow": "The letters of the past were very slow, the carriages and horses were far away, and there was only enough to love one person in a lifetime. ”
In today's information explosion society, love seems to have become the most unreliable thing in the world.
Maybe today two people are still in love, but tomorrow they are going their separate ways, and the love of loving only one person in their lives has become ironic.
According to data from the Ministry of Civil Affairs, the number of marriage registrations in China in 2021 was 7.636 million pairs, a new 36-year low.
Behind the low marriage rate reflects the concept of marriage and love that young people now believe more and more in love, preferring to be single rather than married.
So what exactly is true love?
Some people say that love is hopelessly heartwarming, some people say that love is the haunting dream of love at first sight, and some people say that love is a long-term choice that is destined to violate.
In the past, I also stubbornly believed that loving someone was to give him the best things, and that when it came to love, we should stay together.
After brushing up on the classic work of psychology, "The Road Few People Walk", I had a new understanding of true love.
In plain language, the book explains the magical power of self-discipline, love, growth, and religion, while exploring what true love is, helping us to explore the essence of love step by step.
01
True love is not feeling, nor dependence
I often have friends ask me this question: I have been with him for two years, and the other party is good in all aspects, but I just don't feel at that time, do I want to break up?
In the modern concept of love, most people always put "feeling" on their lips, as if "feeling" has become an important indicator of the success or failure of love. Feelings come together, feeling apart when they are gone.
But true love is not a feeling.
Teacher Luo Xiang once said: If love is just a feeling, then when he encounters a challenge, this feeling will soon disappear, because we are very easy, in different people, to get this feeling, so the most often said thing about empathy is that I don't feel it.
In "The Road Few People Take", it is said:
If you confuse true love with feelings, you can only deceive yourself.
A truly loving person cannot act on the feeling of love alone.
It is a common will from the hearts of both parties, an autonomous choice, not a whim.
The appearance of a person ignites the ecstasy of your life, makes you have a strong interest and good feeling, you can't help but be attracted, as soon as you see him you will blush, even if you look away, but you can't take your heart away.
Because of the beautiful imagination of love, he thinks of it everywhere.
Although this kind of love is beautiful, it may not be able to last forever.
True love is when the passion fades, whether we have the will to love, whether we have dedication, whether we are willing to go hand in hand with this person.
The second myth of true love is: dependence
Many people often regard the dependence on someone in the relationship as true love, and they always hope that they can find a tightly held dependent object, but this is not love, this is possession.
Scott introduces a very typical case in "The Road Few People Walk":
He had a patient wife who left and went to Scott to cry, saying that he was sad, that I loved my wife, but she was gone, and I didn't know what to do.
As a result, a few days later, the patient suddenly said that he was fine and felt that he was particularly happy, because he met a woman in the bar, and the woman actually said that she loved me, and I found the person I loved.
What the patient needs is not love, but an external thing to prove his existence.
As long as someone loves me, I exist.
Therefore, dependence is not love, and people who regard dependence as love often only care about their own feelings, they desire happiness and enjoyment, and cannot bear the pain and loneliness of growth.
02
True love begins with feeling and ends with action
"Good Love: Chen Guo's Love Philosophy Lesson" introduces: True and long-term love must have passion, understanding, and practice. These three elements are indispensable.
Passion is that I am in love with you, understanding is that I understand you, and practicing means that I am willing to accompany you all the way and never give up.
Cao Dewang, the king of glass, once talked about an extramarital affair when he was young in a talk show.
In 1980, he fell in love with a woman. In his words: They were both in love and felt each other had found a soul mate.
Even at the expense of writing to his wife to ask for a divorce. Originally, he thought that his wife would cry and make a lot of noise, but who knew that her wife only replied with one sentence: "I know that I am not worthy of you, and I know that you will go away." If you do go, leave the house and your three children for me. Cao Dewang was very sad after listening to it, and felt sorry for his wife, and at this time he was facing a difficult choice.
On the one hand, the wife who has paid for himself for many years and has no regrets, and on the other side is the soul mate who shares his own heart, he does not know what to do?
So he chose 100 couples and wanted to learn more about other people's married lives.
As he learned more, he found that it was not only he who was not satisfied with the marriage, but among the 100 couples, they were all living together, and none of the couples were satisfied with their marriage.
It turns out that there is no perfect marriage in the world, and every family has unhappy moments. Since there is no absolutely happy marriage in the world, even if you divorce and remarry, you will still face new problems.
After understanding this, Cao Dewang was suddenly relieved. He never mentioned the divorce again, and transferred all the property in his name to his wife's name.
Marlinsky said: "Inexperienced first love is fascinating, but love that stands the test is priceless. ”
True love must have the thrill of love at first sight, but also the understanding and tolerance of daring to make commitments and dare to take action.
Just like between Cao Dewang and Chen Fengying, hand in hand for decades, after experiencing the wind and waves, they will not give up, and finally find the true meaning of happiness.
In The Few Walked, Scott says:
Love is a willingness to promote the intellectual maturity of oneself and others, and to constantly expand one's boundaries and achieve self-improvement.
Its essence is a kind of attention, is action, is commitment, is pay, is to work together to promote each other's mental maturity, self-improvement.
If we want to get real love, we need to practice it all our lives, put love into practice, and let you and me become us.
03
True love, how to get it
Scott says in the book:
Everyone has the desire to love others, but many people only stop this love in thoughts and words.
Wanting to love is not the same as loving, and the idea of loving is not equal to the action of love.
True love is action, a spirit of devotion that arises from will.
To love someone without putting it into action is to never have loved.
For how to give love?
In his book, Scott describes several manifestations of what it takes to get true love:
1. Pay attention to listening
Love, the most important form of embodiment, is attention.
We love someone, we will always pay attention to each other, take care of each other carefully, and then help each other grow.
The most common and important way to express attention is to listen hard.
That is, whether we can really take the time to temporarily put aside our personal thoughts and desires, and try to experience the inner world and feelings of the speaker.
Attentive listening is the minimum respect for others, but also to enhance the understanding and trust of both parties, to achieve the realm of heart-to-heart.
2. Bear risks
The essence of love requires courage, that is, when we accept love, it means that we also take risks.
In the book Scott tells us about a woman who looks like a ghost:
She always likes to be alone, she doesn't want to be known to others, and she doesn't want to be disturbed.
She has no contact with people in the community.
Asked why she learned that the reason why she has been living in her narrow circle is because she has experienced the successive deaths of friends and relatives, which makes her feel very painful, and she would rather give up her real life than face the pain again.
But the essence of life is to be constantly changing, and true love is the need to endure pain.
In the process of self-improvement, in addition to experiencing pain and sadness, we can also harvest joy and happiness.
Life is short, love time is limited, we should cherish and grasp. If you try to avoid the pain, I am afraid that you can only completely detach yourself from reality and live a life without any meaning.
3. Dare to commit
True love is about daring and making commitments.
Being fully engaged and committed can make an emotional relationship stronger and more stable.
Without commitment to maintain a stable emotional relationship, the person in the relationship will live in the shadow of suspicion and fear all day long, and will not be able to calmly find a way out, which will eventually destroy the emotional relationship.
4. Reasonable conflict
One of the greatest risks of true love is blame and false modesty in times of conflict.
If you do not plan the other party into your own future and only want to seek short-term stimulation, then there may be no subsequent conflict, or perhaps the conflict will choose to disappear to escape.
But if you want two people to want to go on forever, both hearts must continue to grow, and the self needs to be constantly improved, then it is bound to face a lot of conflicts.
This requires us to learn proper self-examination, understand the control of conflict and criticism in interpersonal relationships, and use it appropriately, which will change the life of the loved one.
If you prefer to suppress your impulse to criticize others, turn a blind eye to their problems. Always silent, never giving guidance and advice to loved ones who don't have true love.
True love can nourish our hearts and multiply our courage;
True love makes us know the responsibilities we shoulder and makes us dare to face any test;
True love always keeps us committed to self-improvement and also brings us humility and honesty;
The most romantic thing about people who have true love is to fall in love with the same person again and again in love.
04
Write at the end:
Naran wrote in "Mulan Words": "If life is only like the first sight, what is the autumn wind and sad painting fan." Waiting for idle changes but the old people's hearts, but the old people's hearts are changeable. ”
Changing hearts is an instinct, but loyalty is a choice.
Love at first sight is beautiful, but the love that can really go to the end is often a long time after the passion has cooled.
For the rest of my life, may your and my love begin with a haunting dream and end with a heart that is difficult to break for a long time.
Now the carriage is fast, the letters are gone, but I still only want to love one person for the rest of my life.