When in love, many people will hesitate to find someone they like to fall in love, or should find someone who likes themselves to fall in love. Some people think that choosing what they like in love can start from a real point of view, understand and go deep into each other; some people think that choosing to like themselves will be easier to have common topics and have a sense of security.
Recently, the China Youth Network Campus News Agency for the topic of "love should find what they like or like their own" questionnaire survey for 854 college students across the country, the results show that 429 college students choose to find their favorite, accounting for 50%; 425 college students choose to find their own, accounting for 50%.
"When you are in love, you should find what you like or like your own" scale chart. China Youth Network reporter Li Huaxi cartographed
"Choosing what you like when you are in love can start from a real point of view, understand and go deep into each other"
Wu Bin, a college student in Shanxi, believes that when it comes to falling in love, you should find someone you like. He said that when it comes to falling in love, we must first clarify our emotional needs and understand ourselves. "Feelings are not tools to please others, but more should serve their own development and life."
Wu Bin said that in the "interpersonal communication" of love, to choose what you like, you can understand and go deep into each other from a real point of view, see each other's personality and character clearly, and finally decide whether you are suitable for each other and whether you can be with each other for a long time.
He believes that when you fall in love and find the other party you like, you must have a characteristic of the other party that attracts you, which is what others call the "biomagnetic field", which may drive yourself to take the initiative to get closer to each other for a long time. But there are also drawbacks, in the face of liking yourself, you may not be able to stimulate your interest in understanding each other for a long time in addition to short-term fresh feelings.
What if you are in love and find someone you like, and the other party doesn't like you? Wu Bin believes that this is a normal phenomenon, "where in the world there are so many two feelings of mutual pleasure."
"To put it another way, the people I like may also feel a brief sense of freshness when they face me, novelty at first, slowly, either indifferently or willing to understand. If, she doesn't like me, what about me? Like it, like it, who cares if there is a return. Wu Bin said.
"Choosing to like yourself is also easier to have common topics and more secure"
Peng Shuwen, a college student in Jiangxi, believes that when it comes to falling in love, you should find someone who likes you. She said that when it comes to falling in love, you must find a happy feeling, if the other party likes herself, she will definitely be more tolerant and considerate of herself, even if the two people have contradictions, the other party is willing to accommodate themselves. "And what I like he doesn't necessarily think about me, I hope that I can be tolerated and pampered a little more, rather than blindly choosing what I like, and then I keep paying and accommodating." 」
What if a boy chases a girl and the girl doesn't like a boy? Peng Shuwen said that it should be rejected, "If you don't hate it, I think I can contact it, and I directly refuse it when I look completely unpleasant." ”
Liu Yuxin, a college student in Henan, also believes that he should find a favorite. She once fell in love, and the boy took the initiative to confess to her. She feels that choosing someone who likes her is also more likely to have a common topic. "Because if he likes me, he must know me better before he makes a decision, and he feels more secure, of course, he will consider all aspects of the other party in advance."
She said that she did not pay special attention to the opposite sex in her life, "so for me, I am more inclined to fall in love and find a way to like myself." ”
Kuang Xiao, a full-time psychology teacher at the Psychological Quality Education Center of the University of Science and Technology Beijing and a national second-level psychological counselor. Courtesy of respondents
Expert: The beginning of love, imperfection does not represent the end, but represents the potential for sustainable development
Kuang Xiao, a full-time psychology teacher at the Psychological Quality Education Center of the University of Science and Technology Beijing and a national second-level psychological counselor, believes that choosing to like your own or your favorite is two different ways of starting love, representing different psychological qualities; imperfection does not mean the end, but means the potential for continuous development.
She said that when everyone has this idea, there is a premise that they have not met their other half who likes and likes themselves, and whether they choose what they like or like their own, there is the same purpose, and they all ultimately want to become double-arrow mutual likes. Developing the innate ability to have intimate relationships is exactly the necessary skill that adolescents strive to develop.
"So choosing whether you like your own or what you like seems to be two different ways of starting out." Kuang Xiao said that if the ultimate ideal is not realized, then, at least, the way and process of starting will make you feel more comfortable.
Specifically, she analyzed that choosing the person she likes may be more confident in her attraction to herself. He will think that he is cute and worthy of being loved, as long as he identifies what he likes, through getting along, showing his true self, the other party will eventually like himself.
Choosing people who like themselves may be more confident in their ability to appreciate and trust others. He will believe that in time, he will find the other person's shining point, and will appreciate and fall in love with the other party. In other words, no matter which choice you make, it corresponds to different positive psychological qualities. Different choices mean that the individual already has positive psychological qualities as well as qualities that have the potential for development. ”
"Of course, there may be people who think that their choice is just 'face control' or 'lack of love' and other reasons, as if making this choice is their own helpless fate." Kuang Xiao believes that, first of all, he will be attracted to the other party for various reasons, and the reason for being attracted to him is not superior or inferior and high-level and low-level, such as people drinking cold and warm self-knowledge. Everyone has the right to choose the aspect of their attraction, and at the same time, no matter what they are attracted to, this actually reflects the real and unique self, "Our past experiences have shaped our present, our unique heart, and will also tell us what kind of partner is the direction of our hearts." 」 ”
Evolutionary psychology, she says, makes a lot of subtle assumptions and assumptions about gender preferences, such as her preference for good-looking partners, preferences for resource-rich partners, preferences for partners who are loyal and committed... In fact, they all have evolutionary significance.
Therefore, choosing what you like and choosing to like yourself actually absorbs the survival wisdom passed down by the ancestors of ancient times. The aesthetic and admiration of a partner will evolve with the times. "Thankfully, we now live in an era that is more diverse and equal, where everyone's personality is more visible and respected, and a more diverse era is more tolerant of our choice of intimate relationships."
Kuang Xiao said that no matter which choice is made, in this era, as long as you dare to take this step, you are very brave. After all, the beginning of a love, imperfection does not represent the end, but represents the potential for sustainable development. Whether you can learn the ability to love and be loved in a partnership, learn to handle and maintain relationships, learn to maintain your autonomy in relationships, learn to tolerate and appreciate the other person's true appearance..." Although these may inevitably bring a faint loss, they will ultimately bring benefits to our growth. So, do it, not look at it from the sidelines, and be bold in choosing! (At the request of the interviewees, Wu Bin, Peng Shuwen and Liu Yuxin are pseudonyms)
Source: Qing Xiaoxiao (ID: zqwqxx) reporter Li Huaxi
Editor-in-charge: Jiang Yujun
Review: Wang Longlong
Review: Wang Cenyu
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