In reality, when everyone is in love, they hope to enter the palace of marriage through love. Some people think that love for the purpose of marriage can help themselves eliminate more potential risks and make the relationship last longer; some people think that the purpose of marriage when falling in love is not too strong, you need to get along slowly, and when the time is mature, both sides are also suitable, you can try to talk about marriage. So, does falling in love need to be for the purpose of marriage?
Recently, the China Youth Network Campus News Agency conducted a questionnaire survey for 631 college students across the country on the topic of "whether to talk about love for the purpose of marriage", and the results showed that 387 college students chose to need it, accounting for 61%; 244 college students chose not to, accounting for 39%.
Whether you need a scale chart for the purpose of marriage to fall in love. China Youth Network reporter Li Huaxi cartographed
"Love for the purpose of marriage can make the relationship last longer"
Zhao Cheng, a university student in Henan, believes that falling in love needs to be for the purpose of marriage. He said that in the process of getting along with the two people will pay some energy and love, there will inevitably be disagreements and quarrels, if you break up on this grounds, then it is the consumption of love. "Frequent breakups can be confusing about the relationship between love and marriage."
Zhao Chenggong believes that if the purpose is to get married, he really believes that he is the right person, and he will pay and gain wholeheartedly in getting along.
Chen Jiali, a college student in Gansu, agrees with Zhao Chenggong's point of view, before this year, she also did not care about this issue, and felt that if she only pursued the happiness of the moment, it was understandable not to think about the long term. So, with such a mentality last year, she abandoned her requirements for mate selection, only paid attention to feelings, and entered two romantic relationships before and after.
"This kind of love, in the beginning of the relationship, each other feel very happy and happy, but in the end found that this relationship is very short-lived." 」 She said that the so-called "love is too short and forgotten too long", and the process of nostalgia is always painful.
Chen Jiali said that everyone is the main body of their own life, and there is not so much time to spend too much energy around meaningless things. In love with the purpose of marriage, both parties will be more cautious and firm in their choices, which can help them eliminate more potential risks in future relationships, so that the relationship can be longer.
"At the same time, in this case, we will also tend to have a better partner overall, and even if the two do not come together in the end, the probability of self-growth and meaning in this relationship is higher." She said.
"The purpose of marriage when in love is not too strong, you need to get along slowly"
Zhang Qing, a university student in Henan, believes that falling in love does not need to be for the purpose of marriage. She said that the purpose of marriage when falling in love should not be too strong, you need to get along slowly, and when the time is mature, both parties are suitable, you can try to talk about marriage.
She believes that falling in love is because you like it, and the throbbing of falling in love is the most real feeling, and marriage cannot prove anything. "A lot of married people are not happy now."
"Falling in love is a very clean and pure thing." Zhang Qing said that many people will be irresponsible when they are married, so in the process of love, constantly screening, constantly confirming, waiting until both parties feel that it is appropriate to get married is the best.
She said that love pays for the heartbeat, and marriage pays for the various things that happen in love. "After a short period of time together, it is said that the purpose is to get married, flaunting love and responsibility, and finally shooting two scattered, from the actual point of view, the possibility of realization is unlikely, it sounds exaggerated, like painting a big pie." 」
"Good love should start with likes, ignorant and understanding, all the way through, when the time is ripe, and then talk about marriage." For example, Zhang Qing said that her cousin began to fall in love in high school, and at first he did not understand the like. After the two were together, they continued to run into each other, and felt that they had reached the level of marriage before they decided to talk about marriage, "They are going to get married this year, from the second year of high school to the current graduate school graduate." ”
Kuang Xiao, a full-time psychology teacher at the Psychological Quality Education Center of the University of Science and Technology Beijing and a national second-level psychological counselor. Courtesy of respondents
Expert advice: When falling in love, you must first understand each other's definition of love and marriage and their views on the future
Kuang Xiao, a full-time psychology teacher at the Psychological Quality Education Center of the University of Science and Technology Beijing and a national second-level psychological counselor, believes that when discussing the topic of "whether to talk about love needs to be for the purpose of marriage", it is necessary to clarify the true definition of "love" and "marriage".
After a long period of observation, she found that different people have different inner definitions of "love" and "marriage". "Even when people treat the same thing, one side names it 'love' and the other side names it 'marriage', and they quarrel happily."
For example, some people think that deciding to get married is a deep affirmation of love and partners, for example, some people will think that "if this person does not want to marry you, he must not love you", "If this person does not plan you into his future, it proves that you are only a short-term choice", so "love for the purpose of marriage" means the determination to talk about a serious love.
There are also people who think that marriage and love are two very different things. For example, "marriage is actually to protect the economy rather than love", "marriage is a matter of two families, love is a matter of two people", so under this definition, "love for the purpose of marriage" is more like seeking a partner who can get along for a long time and live a pleasant life.
"In my opinion, there is no distinction between good and bad definitions, and everyone has the right to choose the way they want, and it does not even mean that you can only choose one of them between a serious love and a partner who has a smooth life." Kuang Xiao said that if you want to have no disagreement with the future intimate relationship partner, it is best to check with the other party first to clarify each other's views on love, marriage, and the future.
She believes that what relationship we eventually develop with a person, it is not easy to make an accurate promise at the beginning of the encounter, it is more appropriate to contact this person more, to understand each other at the same time, but also to find their own needs, to experience whether their own state in this relationship is their favorite, in the premise of mutual respect and mutual understanding to make decisions together, perhaps a more sincere and responsible attitude. "In short, whether a relationship and a partner is suitable for you or not, you still have to try it yourself."
Is it okay to just fall in love and not get married? In the face of this problem, Kuang Xiao said that the prudent attitude is that love and marriage are very personal and staged things, and every point of view we put forward that seems to be our independent thinking will actually be affected by the external environment at this stage, our past growth experience, personal prejudices, and even our brain development, hormone secretion and other physiological reasons, so we believe and respect our own choices, but also maintain a certain degree of openness for future changes.
"Sometimes I hear young friends say that you can not fall in love, you must first learn to love yourself." 」 Kuang Xiao said that if a person has not been loved, can he really know how to love himself? If this hypothesis holds, is it true that a newborn baby has the ability to love himself completely?
"In fact, being loved is a very beautiful thing, and we need to learn to love others and love ourselves by being loved." Of course, the love of parents, the love of relatives, and the love of friendship can also make us feel loved, and the love of intimate relationships is another overlapping and unique aspect. Indulging in experience while respecting oneself and the other person is a rare experience in life. Kuang Xiao said.
Source: Qing Xiaoxiao (ID: zqwqxx) reporter Li Huaxi
Editor-in-Charge: Left Orange
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