Author: Xuan Xiaolei
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Seeing a case of emotional outpouring, the woman said that she was divorced, she mentioned it herself, because there was someone outside the man, and she immediately chose to divorce as soon as she found out.
When her son was eight years old, custody went to her, and the house and savings went to her, not because she was at fault, but partly because most of the family's money was earned by herself.
The man's income has always been far less than hers, and she has never paid her salary, and she bears the expenses of the family's large expenses and ordinary expenses.
In such a situation, when she found that the man was unfaithful, she naturally had no reason to tolerate it, and simply separated from him neatly.
However, only three months after the divorce, her ex-husband turned back to her and proposed to her to remarry, saying that he was impulsive with the person outside, and now he has broken off contact, saying that after separating from his ex-wife, he found that he could not leave this family...
The main reason why the woman hesitates is that the son is very close to his father, but the knot in his heart has not yet been untied, so he does not know how to be good.
For this situation, I think most people will say: resolutely do not let him come back, the person who made a mistake in the marriage will have a second time the first time.
Or do not believe that the man will really break with the people outside so clean, like the situation in the example, there may be a man who finds himself leaving his ex-wife with nothing, or the woman outside also found that he has always relied on his ex-wife, and he can't get anything out of divorce, so he also broke with him.
This situation of losing both ends prompted him to turn around and propose to remarry.
Of course, these speculations are all possible, but for whatever reason, it is not really the focus of accepting or not accepting men.
The point is actually that the family still needs him? For example, in the above example, the reason for the woman's hesitation is that the son still needs a father.
With that in mind, the ex-husband is still valuable, which is the key to what she wants to accept.
So for such a situation, the woman can actually accept the return of the ex-husband, but there is a premise.
The premise is that he will not remarry, just let him go home.
Because when he returns home, he can accompany his children, he can pick up and drop off students, he can help with homework, he can be filial to his father and son, and he can enjoy it.
And the woman accepts his intercession at this time, he will be grateful, and will certainly be happy to perform when he returns home.
Cooking, doing housework, he will try to share the internal and external affairs of the family.
However, the ex-wife has not yet agreed to remarry him, and his heart will feel a little hanging in mid-air, so most of them will offer their courtesy in front of the ex-wife, hoping to atone for their sins and get closer.
Men at such times are more well-behaved, more secure, and better performers.
As long as it is not too real, it is okay to let him live under one roof like this, after all, it is much better to have him to take care of the children and the family than to hire a nanny.
Perhaps for some people, women have such a train of thought is too ruthless, or even feels too much.
In fact, this is already very mild, after all, the man himself makes mistakes first, and it is he who asks for a return, so it is already a gift for the woman to take a step back and let him go home and reunite with the child.
But emotionally, you don't have to force yourself to accept it, you can't think of giving his child a complete home again.
Doesn't living together in such a "divorced and unpaid" way also look like a complete home?
Of course, if there is really love for each other, then it is not impossible to remarry later, but it will take time, at least not so quickly to accept a person who betrays himself and hurts himself.
At least a little more time to see his performance, to see his sincerity and sincerity.
Although marriage needs to be repaired, once some injuries are generated, the scars are always there, barely together, and they will only be uncomfortable when they are touched.
However, another premise must be mentioned here, accepting the return of the ex-husband is to determine that the ex-husband is a normal person's character.
He just betrayed himself, but he was not the kind of person who was unforgiving and sinister, and he would not bring his wife and children into personal danger, otherwise he would definitely hide how far away he would be, and it would be impossible for him to come back to his side.
Emotional mistakes can be made to reject him emotionally, but because they have children with each other, the relationship has a bond that cannot be completely cut off at once.
Romain Rolland said: In marriage, everyone has to give, but also to take back something, this is the law of supply and demand.
This means that the maintenance of marriage requires each other to pay, each other to gain, if it is a unilateral payment or gain, the relationship will naturally be tilted and disintegrated.
The same is true when it comes to changing hearts, people who change their hearts have to pay a price, such as leaving home empty-handed.
If you regret coming back, you will also have to pay a price, such as humility. At the same time, it is necessary to pay for substantive actions, such as re-treating wives and children and taking good care of them, as if it were a kind of repentance.
As for the final outcome, you have to watch as you go. As long as the woman does not accept the immediate remarriage certificate, all the initiative is in her own hands.
At the end of the day, as long as you can get emotionally clear, acceptance or non-acceptance is no big deal.
If a woman is still emotionally unstable and loves deeply after being hurt, then it is still a matter of consideration.
Otherwise, as soon as the man turns back, the woman may completely compromise with a hot head, and then the man feels that the cost of asking for forgiveness is so low, and the next mistake will be easy to have no psychological burden.
In that case, the woman will really be hit and hurt again.