A depressed person tells you how to get out of despair by adjusting your life pattern (4)

(Note: The content of this article continues the previous manuscript)

13

Next, I began to approach him as a therapist, but it didn't last long, you were good to him, and he was unscrupulous. I found that my heart turned to fragility again, and I began to reflexively want to escape from him, and my heart was particularly depressed, wanting to cry without tears, and it turned out that I could not find a suitable candidate, and cried loudly in front of him. Based on my experience of depression, I know that this state is not sustainable for a long time, and I need to continue to adjust my life patterns.

One afternoon, I was at work. My sister-in-law (only four years older than me, childhood playmate, now works in the corporate workshop, rarely has a rest day) rarely comes to my studio to play. I told her to wait for me for a few minutes, take care of my business, and go to my house to cook and eat. When I was working on work, my husband called and asked angrily: Did Ah Xuan go to your place? I was puzzled, wasn't he in class? After school, how do you ask me about it? I replied: No! On the other end of the phone: This kid is going to me off! Before I could ask, the phone hung up. My heart ached, and I called my father-in-law: What is the situation? The father-in-law said: It's all right, I have already received Ah Xuan.

When I got home, I was in a bad mood and I didn't have the heart to make dinner at all. Fortunately, the sister-in-law is not an outsider, I told her; sister-in-law, eat dumplings in the refrigerator at night, I am a little tired, I don't want to do it. The sister-in-law readily agreed. Then I went to the study and looked at my son doing his homework. At this time, the father-in-law went upstairs, and it was estimated that the matter of receiving Ah Xuan made him angry, and he said to me loudly: Ah Xuan this person wants to keep an eye on him, how can he become so special, I can't think of it. I was depressed to the extreme, replied: I can't find Ah Xuan in the future, the first time to call me, just now Ah Xing phone and I am anxious, I myself can't stand it. The father-in-law replied: I did not call Ah Xing, it was because he did not see Ah Xuan doing his homework in the camera, and called me (a camera was installed in the study at home, and my husband controlled it remotely). When my father-in-law saw that my sister-in-law was there, he said a few words of greeting. At this time, I felt that my heart was particularly painful, and I said to my sister-in-law: Sister-in-law, I am distressed to death! When I finished speaking, I involuntarily began to cry out loud, and the tears kept falling like grains of wheat. When I cried out loud, my chest was soothed and my whole body relaxed. At this time, my sister-in-law comforted me and said: Don't cry, if there is anything sad, just say it. I still just keep crying (I feel like I can't suppress it anymore, I need to finish crying). At this time, the father-in-law spoke: crying is useless, Ye Zi this person is also simple, experience is too little, know Ah Xing's personality, do not pay attention to him, in fact, A Xing also wants to educate children in his heart, but he can't grasp the trunk, and his ability is limited. You don't want to think about anything else, focus on bringing your children well and doing a good job. Of course, your current period is the most difficult period, and your mother and I will do our best to help you, and I know that these two children will not be able to take you big with you alone. Having said that, I went downstairs. My sister-in-law seemed to hear some meaning, comforted me and said: Ye Zi, every family has a difficult scripture, in fact, it is almost the same, you don't want to think too much, put yourself too well, Ah Xing, since such a character, you don't have to rest assured, when he doesn't exist, if you are angry with him and ruin your body, it is really not worth it, you think, you have come over so difficult at the beginning, and now what else can you not open it. Children can bring the best, do not have too much pressure to bring well, after all, it is not your responsibility alone. As I listened, I cried, and I felt that I was crying too hard, and it turned out that I could cry loudly in front of my sister-in-law...

After crying, I quieted down. Seriously, I am still very resistant to my father-in-law's words in my heart, I enter this house to take care of my children and work well? Am I Iron Man? Don't I have my own personal freedom? But a little bit woke me up, yeah! I am simple, always love fantasy, I should have seen the facts clearly, do not pin hope on A Xing, the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment, keep the distance, keep the boundary, as far as possible to treat him as air, the child is still young after all, even if it is widowed, I want to accompany them to grow up. I'm going to recalibrate and start a new life (I'm suddenly perked up)!

14

At night, before going to bed, my husband asked: Are you abnormal these days? I replied: Let's talk less, reduce contradictions, I see you will be nervous and afraid, there is an urge to flee. My husband said very dismissively: There is really something wrong, seeing that I want to escape, am I so bad? You don't have a good look for your husband, and you don't want to live a good life. I couldn't help but get angry again: Have you had a good day? I also don't expect to have a good life, as long as there is nothing to do, I am not normal these days, the precursor to the recurrence of depression, I want to keep quiet. Husband said; then you go to a psychiatrist, and the psychologist will always cure you! I replied calmly: I have seen everything I want to see, and the doctor has said everything he should say, and now he can only rely on himself, he cannot save himself, and no one can save me. With that, I lay down and went to sleep.

I suddenly felt that this sentence was too classic: the various contradictions and problems between people ultimately depend on their own understanding of life, which can be truly resolved, rather than relying on so-called communication. If there is no common common sense as a basis in life, it is regrettable to say that some communication is basically ineffective.

That night, I continued to lose sleep, and I began to think again: Or did my sister-in-law really cherish me and tell me to live myself first. Of course, the father-in-law is also right, work well, raise children well. be! Next I will grasp these 3 points, I am not capable of being omnipotent, I do not want to be omnipotent, and I do not want to be aggrieved myself. Just like Lu Xun once said: If you have to take care of things in person, you can't do anything. In this way, I fell asleep in the midst of watching my breathing.

My son and I got up on time to wash up, and when we were just getting ready to go out, my husband shouted in the room: Leaf, I can't find my pants, you help me find it! I replied calmly: The clothes and pants in the winter are all in the closet for you, you can find it yourself, my son and I are going out. I interjected again: I will help my son's homework in the future, and you are also very busy. The husband did not speak, which means acquiescence (it is estimated that he has lost confidence in taking care of the children during this time). After saying that, my son and I went downstairs like arrows. Walking downstairs, I just happened to meet my mother-in-law, and I said to my mother-in-law: Next I am busy at work, I do not have the energy to cook, and dinner during work will be eaten by your side in the future. The mother-in-law replied very yellowly: Yes, I just wanted to tell you! Now it gets dark fast in winter, so it's good to eat together.

After sending my children to school, I began to go to Civic Square and practice mindful walking. After this stage of morning walking, I more deeply agree with a sentence that Dr. Bao said in the book "Living a Zen Life": Many people like to bring a headset when walking, running, and climbing mountains, which is not mindfulness. Well said! True mindful walking does not require earplugs, what we have to do is to be aware, observe, feel the soles of our feet touching the ground until they vibrate to the internal organs of the whole body and the brain, and perceive the active beating of every cell of the body...

On this day, the mood was very good. I heard music coming from the square and unconsciously went in that direction. I suddenly saw two old men practicing tai chi in the distance, playing very well. I greeted them, the two old men were very kind, I watched them finish fighting, I clapped my hands, while praising. At this time, one of the old women said to me: Do you want to learn? If you want to learn, look for this master to learn. She pointed at the old man and continued: He has the most patience in the whole square, whether he fights well, I also learned from him, you can learn at this age! I was very interested at that time, and I really learned two tricks with this old man... (Note: This content is not finished to be continued, see the next draft for details)