1. The leader drank too much, and put his arm around the man: "Pick whatever bag you want." Saying that, the hand touched the man's thigh, and the man pushed his hand away. The leader did not hesitate and put his hand on it: "

1. The leader drank too much, and put his arm around the man: "Pick whatever bag you want." Saying that, the hand touched the man's thigh, and the man pushed his hand away. The leader did not hesitate and put his hand on it: "Don't like the bag? The car is always done. Saying that the hand began to slide again, the man pushed him away in disgust. The leader hugged him tightly: "Quite stubborn, want to be a cadre, which department you say!" Man: "Dad, sometimes I really want to kill you!" ”

2. Go back to your hometown with your boyfriend, at the mouth of the village, the boyfriend is urinating urgently, it is convenient to go to the grove, I am waiting on the side of the road, there is a grandfather coming, the uncle asked me: "Girl, who are you looking for in our village?" Me: "Uncle, I'll go to Li Xiaodong's house!" Just then, my boyfriend came out and I said to him, "Did this uncle say anything about your village?" Boyfriend: "This grandson who does not know, my neighbor" I tugged on the boyfriend's clothes to make him speak more politely, and the uncle next to him saw the boyfriend and greeted him happily: "Second grandfather, you are back?" I, depend, the rural generations are really chaotic...

3. Last week I picked up a Porsche at the 4S shop, and my girlfriend was very envious after seeing it, and the next day she pulled me to learn to drive. The girlfriend's coach is a very grumpy person, scolding the girlfriend from the beginning to the end. Just in a climbing lot, the girlfriend extinguished the fire N times, and the coach split his head and covered his face with another scolding. The coach yelled: You said how do you get so stupid, last year you fooled me to buy a car IQ where did it go, you said how your kind of intelligence is gone. I couldn't help but laugh out loud...

4. My girlfriend broke up with me after she hated me for not having any money, and although I started my unremitting efforts, I still don't have any money. Yesterday, I saw my ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend shopping, and the two of them had a domineering face and threw the unfinished mineral water bottle far away, and even almost threw it on me. I didn't show weakness, and in order to show that I was richer, I threw the battery on the battery cart far away! Yes officer, that's how it happened, but I really didn't expect me to be able to throw it on him firmly.

5. When I first entered the company, a man came to me and asked: Old sister, single? I said shyly: Yes! He said: So ugly, must be single! I was so angry that I chased after him, and then he became my husband. I now watch him do the laundry, cook, mop the floor... I just want to say: women repay their sorrows, ten years is not too late!

6. Go to the Internet café with your buddies to play games, don't go to class for a week, and go home directly on Friday. When I got home, my father asked: Son, how have you been studying lately? Me: That's it, so-so. Dad slapped his backhand and yelled angrily: The teachers have called me and said that you have not been in class for a week. The mother advised on the side: Don't break the child, it is not easy to raise such a big. I thought to myself that my mother still hurt me, and when I was happy, my mother added another sentence: Tie him to our family's big plane tree, and take a belt to smoke.

7. Lao Wang works as a programmer in a software development company with an annual salary of 8,000,000. However, due to the long-term staying up late to knock on the code, Lao Wang fell ill on the job. After several rounds of rescue by the doctor, it was finally determined that the probability of waking up should be only one in a thousand. The boss of the company knew, came to see Lao Wang, said a word lao wang and then woke up. This sentence is: Well, Lao Wang, don't change it, the plan is determined!

8. When I was studying at the University of Science and Technology, the school spirit and discipline of our school were particularly strict. The school stipulates that students cannot drink alcohol in the dormitory. Once, the guide took me to raid the girls' dormitory. After rummaging for half a day, I suddenly found a beer bottle under a girl's bed. The instructor suddenly became angry and said, "How many times have I told you that you can't drink alcohol in the dormitory, what is this bottle for?" The girl said timidly, "Teacher! You misunderstood, it was too cold and I was too lazy to go to the toilet at night, so..."

9. The abbot cannot marry a wife because of his ugly appearance. Then suddenly one day, he married a nun. Three days later, the sister-in-law came to the house and asked the nun, "Sister, how is the brother-in-law?" The nun said excitedly, "Cool! The sister-in-law was puzzled and asked, "Didn't you say that you didn't look very good?" The nun then said, "Because the appearance is too cruel, it should be pulled out and killed!" ”

10. The same table is a stay B, once in class to take notes, she suddenly can't remember how to write the "Geng" of "Geng Zhi", so she asked me, I said "ear fire". She suddenly blushed with anger, then lowered her head and gritted her teeth and whispered to me, "You... You are very good at two goods, your whole family is two goods... ”

11. A priest was invited to give a lecture in a church in Milan and became temporarily ill. He could only find a priest in the name of talking nonsense to replace him. When he came to the church and found that there were only five believers in all, he was very angry. Afterwards, he complained to the deacon of the church: "There are too few people coming, didn't you tell me in advance that I was coming?" The deacon replied, "No, it may be that the news leaked out." ”

12. In the 3rd grade of elementary school, once I only scored 83 points in mathematics. But Dad wasn't angry and took me shopping. Dad said, "Son, don't you like the golden hoop stick?" I'll buy you one, right? "I was dancing happily, and when I got home I found out it was a big conspiracy. Because now I see it and my whole body hurts!

13. My girlfriend dislikes me for driving a Maybach, thinks I am old,and a popular Maitenium icon is good. Recently, my girlfriend was planning to get married, and she called me with a giggle and said: I'm going to get married the day after tomorrow, you're coming. Then all kinds of show off, I listened to her happy look, and my heart was particularly unhappy. I replied: the day after tomorrow is not free, next time, next time I will definitely go!? And then I hung up on her!? Am I doing this right?

14. Today is April Fool's Day, my wife usually worries a lot about this family, I decided to take her out to play on April Fool's Day, by the way to rectify her. In the afternoon, I drove my wife and son to climb the mountain. Arriving at my destination, I got out of the car and asked my son: Baby, do you remember the way home? The son shook his head. The wife said from the side: Don't talk about my son, even I can't remember the way home! So I took a chance, threw my wife down, and drove my son home